Close friends and family declining RSVP, how to respond/deal?

posted 2 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
4983 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

For your fiance’s family, it’s just too bad, but you agree they’re in a tough spot, so just let it roll off your back.  I wonder if they know she’s already married, because some people would be ticked to forgo a ‘real’ wedding for a ‘fake’ one.  That’s on them, though.

Regarding best friend, it may be she’s trying really hard to get ‘in’ with boyfriend’s family. It may be the weekend is non-refundable (after all, who would tell their boyfriend’s mom they had a wedding to attend? She probably had no idea when she planned it).  It may be she is hoping that weekend will be her weekend to get engaged.  Who knows?  Again it’s unfortunate but there’s nothing you can do about it and dwelling won’t make it better.  Let her know you’ll miss her and move on.

Of course it’s all easier said than done – my ‘close’ friends who didn’t attend (or RSVP without me contacting them!) barely qualify as friends anymore.  My uncle who never responded (at all, even with my attempting to reach him) is still a nice guy, but I certainly won’t be going out of my way for him anytime soon.  It does hurt, it does change relationship dynamics but you’ve got to just try your best and know things happen.

Post # 4
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

tabbyj :  agree with PP, it will show you who your real friends are, but you can’t take all this personally and just have to get over and not let it ruin your day as it fast approaches. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
702 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

The sister thing is just beyond words. How does your fiance feel about that? As for the good friend, I’m sorry. I would be upset too and it sucks. I would just respond, “thanks for letting me know. I’m sad you won’t be there.” and allow yourself to feel disappointed, and just see how the friendship evolves from there. You might find yourself able to get past it, or you might not. I know a wedding invite is not a summons but I feel like shy of having to travel far for it and spend a lot of money or take off of work, you’d think close friends would be there. 

Post # 7
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

tabbyj :  I’m sorry you are feeling like this. I had a BFF in college (friends since middle school) and showed her true colors when I graduated from college. First, she claimed she couldn’t come to my graduation because of an event she was going to at the same time – I told her it was fine since she could be at my graduation party to celebrate with me. She texted me the morning of my college graduation party to tell me she “has to go on a family shopping trip to the outlets and she can’t say no to her parents”. You know what? It showed me her true colors and that she really wasn’t my BFF after all. I haven’t had contact with her in years and I can tell you I do not miss her at all. I have some amazing people in my life who I love and value.

Post # 9
Member
8016 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

 for your friend, “we’ll miss you, have a great trip.”

for your FI’s family, sorry that sucks.  maybe they will come around.  do they have to travel for either wedding?

Post # 12
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

tabbyj :  that sucks hard. i’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that. i had a couple of people not come to our wedding that really surpised/shocked me. in the moment i felt so gutted and it really hurt. 

now that i have some distance, it doesn’t bother me as much because i think it shed some light on my relationships with some people. the dynamic of my relationship with them (the people who i 100% thought would be there and didn’t come for a really lame reason) has completely changed and i’ve finally allowed myself to see that even though i felt shocked at the time, i shouldn’t have been surprised because it was just one more thing in a pattern of selfish behavior from these people. if your bff is like that, too, then this could be just what you need to finally distance yourself from her.

once you remove those people from your life it feels so much better. one the opposite side, there were some people that i didn’t expect who really went above and beyond in their excitement for us and who really showed up in ways i wasn’t anticipating. hopefully you have some people like that who really come through for you.

i hope the sting wears off for you soon and that you guys have a wonderful, fun wedding!

Post # 14
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

tabbyj :  FYI, I think Weddingbee has a glitch where a lot of posts are marked as spam when they really aren’t spam. So it’s nothing to do with your post1

I don’t really have any advice but I’m sorry for your situation. This is why I’m against marrying in secret and not telling any of your guests what it is they’re actually going to be traveling for/witnessing. 

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