Close friends that aren't bridesmaids

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

My only idea is that you have 6 bridesmaids. Firstly, your fiance will not ‘look like a loser’, that’s ridiculous. Secondly, his priority should be your happiness, not his juvenile concern that he will ‘look like a loser’. I am going to have 9 bridesmaids and my fiance is going to have 4 groomsmen. I was initially hesitant to have so many, but ultimately I have a bigger crowd than he does and he wanted me to have all my best friends there with me. There are some valid reasons to have a smaller bridal party, such as not being able to afford outfits etc, having introverted friends, not having room at the venue to have everyone up there, having a small wedding…but the fear that one of you will ‘look like a loser’ is not a good reason in my opinion. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I feel strngly about this because I ummed and ahhed so much about having so many bridesmaids and in the end it was my fiance who told me to stop being silly and to have whoever I wanted, and I am extremely grateful for this. 

Post # 3
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

We had this issue, but I was the one with the small side.  We just invited FH’s other good friends and called it a day.

Post # 4
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Six bridesmaids means one on each arm for three groomsmen 🙂 To be honest, I think the “friend of honor” thing would feel kind of insulting. So I’d either re-open the discussion about having 6, or just choose your 4 truly closest (if it helps, maybe decide based on things like who you’ve been friends with the longest, who you know will have the time and energy to be a bridesmaid, etc) and let it be. Tell your other friends how thrilled you are to have them at your wedding and invite them to stay in the bridal suite if you wish. And usually the parties include more than just the bridal party anyways, so all six plus other friends are invited to your bachelorette and bridal shower! 

Post # 5
Member
2740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
bluejaybride :  I was going to suggest this, as well. Two bridesmaids to each groomsman? Perfect for a walk down the aisle. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
4797 posts
Honey bee

Being a guest is still an honor.  Ask them to do readings if you are having any.  Or ask them to get ready with you even if they aren’t walking down the aisle.  Or make sure they are around to take some photos.

You likely aren’t crushing any lifelong fantasies and if some are disappointed they will get over it because obviously you’re not going to neglect your friendship with them just because they aren’t bridesmaids, right?  Honestly, not everyone enjoys being a bridesmaid anyway.  I had one friend tell me don’t even bother asking her and personally I’m at the point where I would much rather wear what I want and not be on display all day and just enjoy being a guest with my date.  I’ll happily join in and help plan parties for my dearest friends without being a “bridesmaid”, but eff buying clothes I won’t wear again or getting up early for hours of “getting ready” and photos and what-not.

Post # 7
Member
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
skatergirl :  I am sorry your Fiance feels that way. I originally only picked one as my Fiance only wanted a best man, but it didn’t sit right with me. I wanted 4 but didn’t want to make him look left out but he told me he would be the happiest if he had 1 and I had the 4 I wanted. Sorry you are in a tough positon.

Post # 8
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I also think you should have 6, but I’ll tell you what I did. I only had my 2 SILs as my actual bridesmaids, but my two best friends were the ones who threw me a bachlorette and who were in the bridal suite getting ready with me the whole day of the wedding. One of them carried her 9 month old son down the aisle since he was our ring bearer and the other gave a speech at the reception. I paid for both of them to have their hair and makeup done with me. They really didn’t need any special designation, although I think I labeled the one who didn’t walk down the aisle as “hononary bridesmaid” on our website, though I doubt she saw it and if she did, it would have struck her as funny. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Oh, and although they didn’t have bridesmaids’ bouquets, they both had corsages and were in lots of pictures as though they were my bridesmaids as well.

Post # 10
Member
7800 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your fiance doesn’t get to dictate your bridal party because he only wants to have 3 people. Will you regret not having these ladies stand up with you? Its your side, your decision.

Post # 11
Member
2943 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Either go with all 6 or just go with the 4, but please don’t do some kind of “consolation” position/title.. no one wants that. 

If you end up only having four, invite the other two to get ready with you guys morning of and obviously include them in all the usual pre-wedding stuff like bachelorettes or luncheons, etc. 

Post # 12
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

I’m having 4 and my fiancé is only having 1. I probably have 4x more friends than him so neither of us were surprised/discussed this as a big deal. Maybe your FH needs a bit of time to get used to the idea? I definitely don’t think anyonr would think he was a loser 

Post # 13
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

(And I agree with a PP that 2 bridesmaids to each groomsman would actually be quite good – and make for better photos – if that helps you sell it in to him)

Post # 14
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2020 - City, State

I don’t know how helpful this will be for you, but here’s what we’re doing:

I’m closer to way more folks than my FH is, but many of my friends are his friends too and vice versa (he’s been good friends with my moh longer than we’ve been together, one of my confirmed bms has been a roommate and good friend to both of us for three years), many of his friends are my friends too (if he hadn’t asked our roommate’s ex—everyone is on good terms—to be his best man, I would have asked him to be on my side), and many of my close friends are guys (our roommates current bf is friends with all of us but closer to me than to FI). So for one, it doesn’t really feel good to have “these are YOUR people and these are MY people” bc we’d end up fighting over our favorite people. My roommate’s bf actually asked if he could be a bridesmaid, and I just told him he was definitely invited to be in the wedding party. And there was no way my brother wasn’t going to be in the wp, but he couldn’t exactly be a bridesmaid either.

So so far, I’ve invited three girls and two guys, I’m planning on inviting three more girls (but one might not accept), and fiancé has invited one guy but plans on asking two more I believe. 

So even though I’ll have invited eight people and he’ll have invited three, as far as anyone sitting in the audience will be able to tell, our sides will be nearly even.

Post # 15
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

do not include girls in the bridal suite that are not in the wedding party. that sounds awkward AF for those of the girls that aren’t actually getting ready to walk down the aisle with you.

I like the idea of 2 bridesmaids to 1 groomsmen. Or maybe you could use some of your family members on his side to even things out if its that important?

I understand wanting to include friends that aren’t in the wedding party but ‘friend of honour’ honestly sounds like more of an insult than anything. Like hey close but you’re not good enough (which obviously isn’t true in your case, that’s just what it sounds like)

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