(Closed) Close to engagement and SO is suddenly freaking out..looking for words of wisdom

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
2258 posts
Buzzing bee

Probably not what you want to hear, but:

You’ve only been dating a year? Was it his idea to look at rings or yours? It sounds like there was a lot of pushing for things on your end. I mean, you’ve only been dating a year, he’s voiced that he’s a bit unsure of moving this fast, and you’re telling him to see a counselor. That’s pretty intense. If he’s saying he’s unsure, listen to him. It sounds like he’s grasping at straws to give you excuses so you’ll back off (the weight gain thing). The decision to marry someone *does* have a lot of gravity. It’s a major life decision. It’s not just about a perfect proposal and a pretty ring to show off to people. Give him some space to think. Let him breathe. And don’t pressure him about the ring, proposal or marriage. Why the rush? Don’t you want him to feel 100% certain about his decision? 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  MrsYokiman.
Post # 3
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

christinemireille:  There’s nothing wrong with meeting someone and deciding to get married quickly, Mr. 99 and I were married nine months after we met, however I would think it is important that two people be on the same page about that…..sounds like while your fella is very much in love with you, he’s just not ready to take the plunge….if its a good idea today, it will still be a good idea when he’s ready, just hold tight and remember that its a big decision, some people need more time to make those.

Post # 5
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

How long were you both doing long distance?

Post # 6
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

christinemireille:  I would talk to him and suggest putting the proposal on hold for now until he gets his head straight. It sounds like you’ve spent leas than 6 months physically together thus far. Do you guys have plans to be closer to each other soon?

Post # 7
2602 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I didn’t see anything about pushing him into this in your post. I do have to agree with other posters that things have escalated quickly, but the number one thing that stuck out to me is what he said. One of his doubts centered around attraction and your weight. The other is not having the option of other women. That’s not quite how he said it, but that’s how I read it. I’m not so sure that I would stay in this relationship.

Post # 8
9230 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

He actually said he’s less attracted to you because of a small weight gain?  Ouch!  He’s telling you over & over that he’s not ready.  I second the idea of putting the engagement on hold.  Better that than risk being stood up at the altar.

He’s not ready & he’s not handling it well with this back & forth stuff.  He’s confusing you.  My guess is he doesn’t want to lose you & he doesn’t want to get married right now.

The healthy way to handle it would have been to sit you down & tell you he loves you, but after some soul searching, realizes he’s not ready for marriage yet & hopes you can understand.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  sassy411.
Post # 9
138 posts
Blushing bee

I would be extremely concerned over being in a relationship with someone who wouldn’t be attracted to me and want me anymore due to some weight gain…

Post # 10
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

christinemireille:  It sounds like he is desperately trying to communicate that he just isnt ready yet. He may be afraid to pull the plug because of disappointing you. I think he is trying to get you to make the decision that it is too soon. I suggest having another conversation with him and this time taking charge and telling HIM that the timing is not right. I think you will both feel a lot less pressure. 

Post # 11
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

With a LDR, sometimes the reality of the situation doesn’t hit you until the person is physically there with you.

I think you guys should take the pressure off yourselves right now and agree to not get engaged this summer. Maybe that way you won’t be thinking about it every day and can just enjoy each other’s company. If it’s meant to be, you’ll feel so much stronger in your relationship and decision when you do finally get engaged! Trust me – wedding planning is stressful! Take some time to simply enjoy the love you have for each other. Spend the summer just being in love! No pressure, no planning.

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