(Closed) Close to tears… so lost… please help ladies!

posted 8 years ago in Reception
Post # 32
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think they should pay for themselves.  We went to Red Lobster the day we got legally married but thats more to our tastes and wallet.  We tried the fancier restaurants but they always mess up our food for some reason yea we end up getting that portion of the food for free but it ruins the night and the mood.  Go to wherever you want to go on your special day and don’t let your Mother-In-Law ruin that.  I would not go to Chili’s thats a friday night thing for us not a hey we just got married lets go to chilli’s, applebees etc.  

Post # 33
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@WillyNilly:  I don’t think that it’s a big deal that she is asking people to pay. I mean I wouldn’t do it but they had special circumstances due to him being in the militairy and timing. If I were in her place my family and loved ones would be more than happy to pay for a nice dinner if they could afford it so that they could be with us to celebrate vs us eloping and them not being there.

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@poetiksoul1225:  That being said. You should expect some people will not want to pay as they may have more traditional views of what you should be doing for your wedding. In those cases you can decide that it is ok they are not there, comprimise, or pay for them. Those are your option.

Post # 34
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

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@poetiksoul1225:  i’m not sure why you’re lashing out at me. but YES, in this situation, i would be paying for people. you are having a vow renewal next year, but this is YOUR WEDDING. you invited them to celebrate with you so you should be paying for them. essentially, you are inviting them and spending their money. spend your own money and have the day you want. otherwise, you will get opinions on where you should go based on other people’s desires and budgets.

i agree, if you can’t afford to foot the bill, then maybe chili’s is the best option for you.

Post # 35
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@poetiksoul1225:  To answer your question that you asked relaxedaboutit, YES.  If I invited someone to celebrate with me, I would pay for it.  Which is exactly what I did last night when I invited my BM’s out to celebrate their bday.  I paid.

Post # 36
Member
1139 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I say send out the invitation whith the restaurant of your choice and don’t share anymore ideas with her. It really sounds like she was giving an opinion just to give one. I’m sure your guests will come 🙂

Post # 37
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That is a perfectly reasonable amount of money. They’d spend about that on a wedding gift. Question… why don’t you just wait to get married at all until next year? I am afraid they will pull the “you’re already married, why are you having a second wedding” card if they won’t even pay for a nice dinner now….

Post # 38
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

deleted

Post # 39
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

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@poetiksoul1225:  I’m frustrated with something in this thread. You pointed out that cake and punch is tasteless and not an option. Now while I realize that you may not like that option, others may be doing just that and offering a different idea, which you asked for in your original post. I think it’s quite rude to call something tasteless in a forum such as WB. Same goes for the word “tacky”. It’s just not necessary. Different strokes for different folks. 

NOW…how many people will be attending the courthouse ceremony and meal? Is it a possibility to host a potluck dinner or a sit down meal at someone’s house or backyard? THis can still be elegant and classy if it’s a small amount of people. Or to rent out a private room at a restaurant and do a group meal like PPs suggested? Perhaps if you gave the area you lived in, others might have suggestions for restaurants that are a little less expensive? Or just find a place you and Fiance agree on, book a reservation and invite everyone still and those who can come out will. If they don’t, then don’t worry about it. You’re having another wedding/reception next year right? I’m sure they’ll attend that dinner instead. 

 

 

Post # 40
Member
13889 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I personally think you should go wherever you want, but I also think that you should be hosting the event if it’s occurring right after your ceremony.  I would be surprised if it were after a ceremony and I had to pull out my wallet as a guest.

Post # 41
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@MrsPeachMartini:  in the military there is a little more of a time push for getting married, especially if someone is getting deployed. GOD FORBID she waits until after his next deployment, and something happens while he is out there. She needs to be protected in case it does happen. 

As to your post. I completely understand why you are having everyone pay. You’re having a celebratory dinner after you get married and whoever wants to come and pay for it can come and pay for it. I hope you can figure something out to get your Mother-In-Law to come. Maybe what pp’s said and ask about group rates or a different restaurant! I completely understand why you don’t want to go to an every day restaurant for a special occasion like this. Best of luck!

Post # 42
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think this would be very similar to inviting them to a reception and expecting them to pay for themselves.  I would be surprised if someone did this, but I would also respect the fact that everyone’s not made of money, and I’d certainly help out.  I don’t think you can justify it with the fact that you’re having a reception in a year, but if you truly don’t have the money, then that’s just the way it is.  I know when people go to really expensive restaurants, sometimes I just get a drink.  Maybe this would be a good compromise… drinks are on you, but any added food would have to go to individual checks.

Post # 43
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@mamadingdong:   essentially, you are inviting them and spending their money. spend your own money and have the day you want. otherwise, you will get opinions on where you should go based on other people’s desires and budgets.


Yeah, I think this is the issue.  You can either dictate where you go with no concern as to budget, or you can pay, but you can’t do both.

Post # 44
Member
4149 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@jlc3:  I noticed this, too, and I agree.  OP – I’d be careful calling another’s wedding choice “tasteless” here on WB because you have a mixed audience and are probably going to offend someone by saying that (understandably).

  

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@Flippy2013:  Agreed.

Post # 45
Member
3323 posts
Sugar bee

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@poetiksoul1225:   I never said they were OBLIGATED to do anything. HOwever, IMO if you have more priority over your vacation, then your son getting married, there is something wrong with that. Cake and punch is tasteless and not an option. And fyi my wedding is not only of upmost important to me. what a rude thing to say.


What is rude is to call a cake and punch reception tasteless (many bees have had very lovely cake and punch receptions), while charging people to attend your reception.

A couple’s wedding IS most important to them.  Not that it isn’t important to others, but it isn’t of utmost importance.  I’m sorry if you were offended, but it is not rude to say.  It also sounds like your Future In-Laws agree with this.

Perhaps you didn’t say obligated, but that is what you meant.  You do think they are obligated to come (and pay) to attend your function, otherwise you wouldn’t be upset.

 

Post # 46
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I wouldn’t bother arguing with the in-laws, nobody wins. Just let them know the time and place where you are going after the ceremony and that you really hope they can make it. It is their choice if they decide not to go and celebrate with you. It is your day, if it is the classy place you really want, go for it!

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