(Closed) Close to tears… so lost… please help ladies!

posted 8 years ago in Reception
Post # 47
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

In your case I think it’s fine to ask everyone to foot their own bill BUT you need to meet everyone in the middle.  Since it is YOUR special day, and you want these people there with you, you need to compromise on where to have the dinner. 

I also am put off by your remark about a cake and punch idea being tasteless…. not so for many brides who go that route.  It’s not my style for a wedding but I would never call it tasteless.  Some might consider what you are doing as tasteless, since this is your wedding celebration dinner that YOU are inviting people to yet expect them to pay their own way… not cool.  

However, since like you said it’s not even close to anything like a reception, you should hear what your fmil has to say about varying locations.  She never said she didn’t want to go, she only suggested a cheaper option.  For me, yes $50 pp is a lot to shell out on dinner.  Especially if it’s to celebrate a wedding of someone else, which I would think I should not have to pay for.

Post # 48
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Cake and punch is tasteless? EXCUSE ME. What is tasteless is making someone pay for the meal at a wedding event which YOU are hosting. I was with you until you posted that gem. You sound like a real class act. No wonder they won’t shell out $100 for your “wedding.”

Post # 49
Member
367 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@poetiksoul1225:  I suggested that because eating vegetarian is usually cheaper. You don’t have to be a vegetarian to choose an entree without meat in it.

Post # 54
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If they want to come, they will figure it out. We did this exact thing for a friend’s wedding. The tiny guest list was invited to an unhosted dinner. We really did not have the money for it but we managed somehow and I am sure they will to.

Post # 56
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Don’t worry about her. Maybe someone won’t like the main menu and will order a la carte too. Really it comes down to overextending themselves on their vacation and rather than feeling bad about that, they will make you guys feel guilty. Typical feature of human nature sadly. I really do not see the huge difference between this dinner and say, a birthday dinner at your favorite restaurant. Pretty sure people go to those and bring gifts in addition. I assume it has been made clear that you don’t expect gifts just the pleasure of their company.

Post # 57
Member
3768 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

View original reply
@poetiksoul1225:  That’s kind of messed up, it sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law will get upset either way (can’t do it because of budget, oh now everyone’s gonna know my budget even though you worked it out so we can go)!  If you like this rooftop restaurant, go for it!  It sounds like the rest of your immediate family wants it to happen plus you’ve already done what you can to meet your FMIL’s criteria.

Post # 58
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Can you just have people back to your place and have a deli cater some sandwiches and get some wine in for toasting? Keep it very small, just very immediate family or even have it potluck – there is nothing tasteless about it and it can be very nice and intimate with just your closest people there to celebrate.

Post # 59
Member
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with others that you need to pay for everyone’s meal.  Even if it isn’t what you originally wanted to do, you are doing it now.  What you are having is essentially a reception.  How would you feel if you were invited to a reception and had to pay for your own food?  $50 is a lot for a meal, IMO.  You can’t dictate how your Future Mother-In-Law spends her money.  In fact, you’ve probably majorly offended her by offering her a “cheaper” option while everyone else would get the fixed price menu.  

Post # 60
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
@sablemuse:  Hit the nail on the head.

 

After reading your update clearly there is no pleasing her. You’ve been gracious enough to take all wallets into consideration and that is still not enough. You’re marrying your Fiance, not your Future Mother-In-Law. If he is okay with it that is all that mtters Smile.

Also, from what I have seen most MILs barks are worse than their bite. I’m sure she will still be there regardless. 

Post # 61
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Sorry- I guess the tone got lost in your post. I apologize for snapping at you- that’s not fair since you’re going through a stressful time already. 

It sounds like she can’t be pleased. Seriously- do what you want. If you’d rather have a private evening with your brand new husband and wait to celebrate next year then do that. Don’t let her bully you into this. That said, you’ve got a nice place that is not very expensive with this rooftop location. Don’t let her ruin it. Extend the ‘come if you want’ invite & let her decide. How are you going to let people know it’s pay for yourself? I’m not sure how to do that. 

 

The topic ‘Close to tears… so lost… please help ladies!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors