(Closed) Close to tears

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
8092 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

It sounds like it’s time to sit down and have a heart felt talk with him about your feelings.  I didn’t have to go through much with waiting, but being on this board, I’ve learned that men can be really clumsy about the whole thing.  

 

 

 

He’s the man you love and, hopefully your best friend.  That means you should be able to talk to him about anything, including marriage.  It doesn’t sound as if you have actually had this discussion before, so I’d hardly call it pressure.

 

 

 

He needs to know how much pain you are feeling right now.  He loves you, he wants to know if you’re not ok.

 

 

I do wish guys would figure out that they can’t put toothpaste back in the tube . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

If you never sat down and talked about it, how can you be sure HE wants it?

Post # 5
Member
2610 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I agree sometimes men are clueless on how much women do not want to wait. My SO’s mother said to him (with me present! LOL she is NOT discreet) that he better propose soon cause Ms_Purple won’t wait forever! While in the moment SO was mortified, we talked about it later on the car ride home from her house. She really got us talking and discussing things. I told him well, your mother’s not wrong. That I didn’t want to wait years and years and basically told him that I wanted a proposal this year. Now just a few months later he’s talked to my Dad and I’ve picked out a ring. Still waiting for the proposal moment but I know it’s not far off now! It can be uncomfotable to have those discussions at first but it shouldn’t be, it shouldn’t scare him if what he really wants is to be with you. My SO and I are already discussing wedding plans.

 

Post # 6
Member
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Just sit down and have a frank and open chat with him. It’ll help you both realise what the other wants, and to then act appropriately. 

Post # 8
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

@mancunian:  EVERYONE has those conversations.  Still doesn’t mean he is ready for the “real” talk.  

Post # 9
Member
2610 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

My SO tells me all the time “Men do not get hints” and that we women need to realize this…until I sat down and told him directly, I want a proposal this year because I think we’re ready and I think he was ready too – then it clicked! He honestly was like “Oh I thought you wanted to wait longer” Seriously?! LOL He was clueless even thought we had those same “When we’re married…” conversations he needed it spelled out. He said he was ready but just thought I still needed more time for some reason? Communication, clear and direct is the best way to get what you want.

Post # 10
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

OP it sounds like you need to sit down & have a conversation with him. Just be sure it’s with a level head. I agree that men can be kind of in the dark about hints, but surely he’s seen how bummed out you were on those special occasions when he didn’t propose? It’s frustrating for women, waiting and waiting for the man to make their move. Just get it out in the open.

Post # 11
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

OP, you really need to talk to him about how you feel. It’s scary to initiate this talk but it’s important to talk and make sure you’re on the same page. 

Post # 12
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@Sunflower–girl:  “EVERYONE has those conversations.  Still doesn’t mean he is ready for the “real” talk. “

This is absolutely spot-on. I sat my boyfriend down around 1.5 years to talk about it even though he was definitely on the same page as me. We recently clarified my timeline to be the next two years.I know this man is ready to marry me.

My ex, meanwhile would say little things like “I can’t wait til we get married. Let’s do it in the springtime”. He apparently says the same things to his girlfriend now (4 years dating) and yet freaked out recently telling me he’s not ready for marriage nor may he ever be.

I have seen a lot of women wait for years for a guy who actually has no intention of proposing.

Post # 13
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You need to sit down and have a calm, rational discussion with him about your expectations and what you both want out of the relationship.  I get that every stupid romantic movie involves some amazing surprise proposal, and we’re all set up to want that, but it’s not reality.  The reality is that guys suck at hints.  They get comfortable and they don’t fix crap that’s not broken.  They’re also not psychic.  Understand that he had no idea that every holiday, you’ve been waiting for a ring.  If you don’t learn to communicate clearly, without getting emotional, you will never get what you want.

Post # 14
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you haven’t talked to him, go talk to him and get your feelings known, but like a PP said it still might not mean he is ready.

However, don’t wait for a “big day” to come and get upset when it doesn;t happen. proposals don’t always need to happen on Valentine’s Day. They can happen when you’re dirty, hair is unwashed, on a Friday in Septemeber like it did for me. No signifcant meaning to the day until now 🙂

Post # 15
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mancunian:  I agree with other gals that say you need to have a direct conversation with him about it.  That being said, do you mind me asking how old you are?  If you are 27 and have been together 3 years, that’s one thing…but if you’ve been dating since you were 16 and are now 19-20? That’s a whole other scenario entirely.

Post # 16
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with other bees here, it sounds like you need to sit down & talk with him. Does he know that this is bothering you so much? Try to do other things to keep your mind off of it, too. I never really stressed out about or thought about a proposal before it happened, and it just made it that much better! Just sit down and talk with him, though. You’re both adults, and if you are wanting to spend your life with him, it’s important to be able to talk about your feelings.

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