- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2009
Hmmm… I can see where they’re coming from but honestly, I hear enough about awesome proposals to know that this article is biased. CNN needs to stick to real news and not speculation. All relationships are different, and what works for one will NOT work for another. I’d HATE it if my proposal was s surprise, because I hate surprises and I normally don’t wear waterproof mascara. I want to be ready for it! And something super intense is not our cup of tea, we’re way too low key (and broke) for him to fly me to Paris, or across the country for a “secret trip”. I’d be perfectly happy just in my apartment on the couch.
Yeah, this was more of an op-ed piece, I think. One person’s perspective. 🙂
I kind of agree – and I think that is why we have a lot of waiting bee’s on the boards. They have decided with their partner to get married and are just waiting for it to be official. That was my situation when I joined wedding bee and that is why we had also booked the venue before the official proposal.
I agree, one person’s opinion. She was bossy and demanding. From my point of view, yes I needed the proposal and he made it surprising and special for us.
I think the author was suggesting the ‘modern’ way to get engaged is a combination of the two… a mutual decision between partners and a traditional, ceremonial “popping of the question”. (I, for one, was completely surprised with an out-of-the-blue proposal from my then-BF of 8 years!)
Eh. She needed it. He gave it to her because it was important to her. Isn’t that what all our men do on a daily basis that makes them amazing? I personally got a dud proposal after he tried about 3 times to propose to me romantically. And it was not entirely what I wanted but it was very “us” so to speak and it makes for a funny story now. My parents did not have a proposal at all. It was a “we always knew we were going to get married. so we did”.
i wish i could tell M we’re getting married next summer and i’m going to need a proposal by then.. lol but he would have no part in it. he wants the proposal to be great and his idea… i agree with the author on most parts of the article… and most porposals are actually just formalities because the couple already knows they are getting married, they already have gone ring shopping, etc….
Hmmm, I don’t know anyone who didn’t want an actual proposal. Sure, most couples talk about it beforehand, but that doesn’t make an official proposal unnecessary.
For me personally, some element of surprise was important – I didn’t want it to be completely planned out. But this seems like a very personal decision, and I can see how some people would prefer to be completely prepared.
Well, I was a waiting bee, but was totally surprised. We had talked about marriage, but decided to wait until after I graduated before really moving forward, so I just joined the bee for fun really, but then he asked me! The surprise ring that I had nooo clue he picked out and bought, down on one knee, everything.
I’m not saying that everyone should have it that way, but don’t tell me its dead!
Speaking from personal experience, I was surprised by my proposal and couldn’t be happier. I wasn’t surprised that he was going to propose, but the place, time, etc was all unknown! I loved that he took it upon himself to pick out a ring, buy the ring, talk to my parents for their blessing and then plan a really fun and romantic trip to make it all happen. I was truly blown away by all the thought and love he put into making that moment (and entire trip) so special. I realize this isn’t for everybody, but for me it was beyond perfect! Finding out how many people knew before was also fun, they were all SO sneaky and I had no clue! To each his own…
I thought it was a good article, most of us knew our proposal was coming and we DID get a good proposal (one that involved what we needed the most, the commitment). Some people are more romantic than others but a proposal is a proposal even if it only involves talking about it and then buying the ring. proposals arent dead!
I’m one of those girls who didn’t get a proposal. Most people I know had some kind of mutual decision/discussion/time line, and most of them had at least talked about the ring before hand. There are a few out of the blue proposals, but most people I know had a pretty good idea what was coming ahead of time.
I do wonder about the “these days” part. When I was married the first time (in the Dark Ages, otherwise known as 1977), my “proposal” came over the telephone while I was in my office. And while many things went wrong in that marriage, the form of the proposal was not one of them.
I was actually kind of startled when I got onto the wedding boards to find that so many women want (and get) a formal, down-on-one-knee proposal. It just seems to me like such a sex-stereotyped thing: He has to do the proposing, she has to get the ring, the ring has to have a diamond, people feel free to judge him based on how large a rock she gets, she has no say in something she is going to wear for the rest of her life.
And getting the parents’ permission?!?!? Does anyone ever ask the groom’s family for permission, or is it only the bride’s family that is assumed to have a say in whom she marries?
And having the proposal have to be “his idea”? What else is he going to insist on having control over, once you actually are married?
It’s like instead of thinking about what you actually want, you start the whole engagement process with a scripted routine in which the parts are determined by traditional sex roles, not the actual desires of the parties.
This time around, we had no engagement rings. The first time we discussed marriage, I asked her, she accepted, and we then told everyone we were engaged. And our whole wedding was developed around what the two of us saw as meaningful, which meant using some traditions and scapping others.
I’m not judging those who actually want a proposal. But I don’t think it is something “every” woman wants.
I didn’t read the article, but I know for us, we had decided together to get married and were planning our wedding before the official “popping the question”, and I’ve known many other couples who have done the same thing. Still, I don’t think the traditional, complete surprise proposal is dead completely, because plenty of people still do that, too. I just think the different ways to get engaged are broadening.
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