Post # 1
So my best friend is getting married and I was asked to be her matron of honor, only to find out she asked someone we knew from high school and whom she considers a best friend to be a maid of honor. So we are both sharing the duties. The thing is, this girl is a very mean spirited person and never likes to be kind when she is pissed off about something, which generally is the smallest thing in the world.
Yesterday morning I woke up to a message from her saying we should meet up to discuss our friends bridal shower and bachelorette, but then she adds in things like “Let’s not pretend we like eachother” and “let’s just fake it for her sake”. So I reply with a friendly response saying I have no ill feelings towards her and I would like to resolve whatever conflict there is. She replies with a long paragraph on how that ship has sailed and she wants nothing to do with me and the only thing she will be discussing with me is our friends day. I don’t get why she even had to make it a point. All she had to say was lets get together.
Right now, I’m unsure if I even want to be a matron of honor. I did tell my friend about this and she was like “wow that’s horrible she’s being immature” but then followed up with “im not choosing a side” so, I just kind of want to bow out, but I don’t want to be a horrible person. Has anyone else gone through this? What did you do?
Post # 2
I’ve never been through that, but I think kindly bowing out would be one way to take the high road in this. You could frame it as not wanting to make things more difficult for your friend, and since these issues are already starting, it’s better to step aside and support her as a guest, or a regular bridesmaid.
I think people could argue that it’s not about you or this other girl, but the bride. While that’s true, if this other woman is already so aggressive about working with you, it will negatively affect the bride.
I”m sorry this is happening!
Post # 3
She sounds like she’s still stuck in high school and is a total drama queen. Most mature adults would be open to resolving an issue so they can work peacefully together for the sake of another. She is right to one extent, if you meet her only talk about the plans and leave it at that; if she tries to get snarky or rude, just remind her of her tone and get back to the subject at hand. You don’t have to be anyone’s emotional punching bag.
Post # 4
What a horrible situation. There is abosolutely no need for you to be treated like this. I would be bowing out also. I think it’s also a bit of an ask that your friend the bride thinks it’s ok for you to have to go through it – who puts their friends in that predicament? Wedding or not, I just can’t imagine having a friend deal with that on my behalf?
Post # 5
That’s horrible. Do you know why she doesn’t like you?
Post # 6
no. I actually tried to call her and talk to her about it like an adult and she said she would not be talking to me about it and she doesn’t owe me an explanation.
Post # 7
that’s kind of how I’m feeling. I know she wants us to be there for her, but if this is just the start of it I have no idea what kind of mess this will be.
Post # 8
the thing is I would have only done that, but she had to make it a point to say how we aren’t friends and what to avoid and I felt that was so uncalled for.
Post # 9
I would bow out. Your friend will probably be pissed and this terrible girl will likely spin it so you’re the villain. I would still bow out. How awful, you don’t need to be involved in that kind of toxic behavior. And “I’m not picking sides” is bull pucky in my opinion.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
I don’t like to complicate my life with ridiculous drama, and someone I don’t really care about won’t drag me into a senseless feud. I would talk to my friend, explaining why I’m bowing out, and attend the wedding as a guest.
Post # 11
wow that’s crazy. I’d bow out for sure and like PP suggested, I’d tell the bride it would be less stressful on her end. Do you think she might be mad because she has to share the duties of MOH? I think I saw an episode of SYTTD like that.
Post # 12
“I’m not picking sides.”
actually, you just did.
She picked to allow the mean girl full power to continue, so I’d bow out and know you spared yourself some soul-sucking drama.
Post # 14
I would bow out. Tell her that since she is against talking about the issue and trying to resolve the problem you don’t feel comfortable having anything to do with her. Wish her well.
Post # 15
I agree with EVERYTHING you wrote 100%