(Closed) co-mingling…eek

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I can understand your feelings of anxiety over it, and I think it’s very normal.  It’s hard to think about giving up even partial control over something that’s yours, like your earnings.  And I don’t think it necessarily has to do with trust issues – I think it’s a very human response.

But can I ask why you need to close your separate account entirely?  I think it’s reasonable for a couple to each have their own little “stash” for personal expenditures (like my dad said once, how the heck do you buy each other gifts without tipping one another off when the money disappears from the account?)  Fiance and I plan to put most of our money in a joint account that will go towards bills, household, etc., but we each plan to keep a bit in separate accounts.  Like you said, for impulse purchases.  As long as the bills are being paid, I can go buy new shoes with my recreational stash, and he can go buy whatever the heck is the male equivalent of shoes.

Post # 5
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

@fresitachulita: If I were you I would keep your account open for your own smaller purchases.

We live together but still keep separate bank accounts. The rent and bills come out of his account, so I pay my half of the bills into his account. Once we are married we will probably have a joint account for savings and big purchases, but keep our own accounts as well.

My parents have been married for over 30 years now and they have always had separate bank accounts.

Post # 6
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

My husband and I have everything together.  I think you need to have enough respect and trust for each other that you don’t judge impulse purchases (as long as they are reasonable).  If I go get a pedicure, or he buys himself some new toy at Home Depot neither of us has a problem with that.  We trust the other to spend money responsibly.  Just have a talk with your husband about your expectation that he has that trust with you, so you don’t have any guilt with your spending.  I’m sure he’ll have no problem with that at all (I’m a big believer that if you are marrying someone you should 100% trust them with your finances).  As far as buying gifts, we each have a credit card that we use where the other one doesn’t look at the statement.  All the money to pay the credit card bills comes from our joint account, but the separate statements allows us the ability to surprise each other.

Post # 7
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

You should consider each putting a % of your income into the joint account to pay for all joint expenses. So if someone makes more money, they contribute more money (but they also get to save more money)

For us 50% worked, but for you it may be 40% or 70% etc. That doesnt mean that what you dont put in the joint account is available for spending or for downpayments etc, but it helps to keep some things seperate and in each of your names.

Post # 8
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Hmm if that is how you feel thats how you feel. its normal. With tha being said. If he gets some of his income seprate, then you should get to do the same thing. You can keep your account open, with just for you money in it. The majority of your money can go into the joint account for bills and such. I dont see why there would be an issue with that.

Post # 9
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

IMO, I think you should keep your own personal checking and/or savings for your own purchases, like that pedicure!

I keep my own checking & savings account separate from the joint accounts I share with my Darling Husband.  Although my Darling Husband would never question my spending (unless I am irresponsible about it), I like the idea of not having him wonder about every time I take money out.  For example, for Christmas, I don’t need him knowing how much I will spend on his presents! If we share everything he will see when I take out X amount or spend X amount at his favorite store…

Post # 10
Member
2388 posts
Buzzing bee

After Darling Husband and I got married we decided to each keep a seperate checking account, in addition to our joint checking and savings.

Our paychecks are deposited in the joint, as that is what we use to pay our bills. Every month we transfer about $200 to our individual accounts for our spending money. If we go out and do stuff together or buy stuff for both of us, we use our joint account. But if there’s a video game or something like that he wants, he’ll use his own money. And the same with me. This doesn’t work for everyone but it works for us. 

Post # 11
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Exactly what she said! lol –> @OhBeeHive84: 

I like having my own account. I don’t like feeling like I am spending “our” money on things like getting my hair done or that cute little skirt I saw. Having a joint and our own accounts works for us. 

 

Post # 12
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It’s not a bad thing to have reservations and doesn’t mean you are doubting your relationship at all! My Fiance and I opened a joint account before we moved in together and put together a budget. Once we figured out between all of our bills/house payment and such, we looked at what each of us earned and based on that we pay a certain percentage each week into the joint account. We also each have our own personal accounts. Any money leftover weekly is our individually. We obviously chip in together if we purchase something not in the budget and take turns paying when we go out. We have been together for 4.5 years lived together for over 3 and seems to work out great for us. Good luck!!!

Post # 13
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

Mr. X and i have been “together” for 6 years. we’ve NEVER had a joint account, nor did we intend to. he used to leave his debit card with me when he went offshore so i could pay bills and do whatever. and i’ve always used a greendot card because it works the same way, but w/o checks and overdraft lol….we’ve always kept money separate, in respects to “paper” finances. but everything has always been open. we just never felt the need to have a joint account. we’re both on one another’s survivor benefit thing(where if something happens, the other gets the entirety of the account), and we just felt that was enough.

but, we also already know what bills would be paid by who. he works offshore, i make a couple $’s more than minimum wage. MASSIVE income gap!!  so he pays rent and daycare, his insurance and cell phone, and his child support. i pay the water/elec, my ins. and cell. it comes out to me paying less, but that’s just how we have always balanced it out. if we split everything down the middle, i’d be in the negative.

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