Co-worker dislikes me/I feel self conscious?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

Is this the same mean girl you posted about last year? If she’s being very rude and nasty to you, I’d recommend to set up boundaries. Minimize your contact with her and make her supervisor aware of the issue. Bullying at work should not be tolerated. You can make it clear that her backhanded comments are being noticed and you won’t stand for it. “I know we’re not particularly friends here, but I need respect and professionalism in the work place.”

On the other hand, why are you so self conscious if you don’t even like her? I always find that with people who don’t like me, I don’t like either so why should I bother with them? I hope this dislike is genuine and not just you projecting your low self esteem issues. Do you want her to like you? Do you need everyone to like you? These are other questions you need to ask yourself. I hope you’re getting therapy for this as it seems you keep coming back with a lot of the same theme. 

Post # 3
Member
13611 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If her treatment of you is as obvious as it sounds, I’d probably start out by asking her if she has some issue with you. 

Post # 4
Member
1255 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Not everyone is going to like you. If you haven’t done anything to her, don’t worry about why. 

But if she’s creating a hostile work environment, and other people are noticing that, this may be an issue for HR. If I were you, I’d start documenting incidents of her behavior. And check your company policy about creating a hostile workplace.

Remember, the goal isn’t to get her to like you. That’s irrelevant. The goal is to get her to treat you with respect so you can both work effectively.

Post # 5
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee

I would keep my distance from her and if she disrespects you again report her to HR. If you can’t do any of those things then switch departments.

Post # 7
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
@overthemoon2018:  this is either right on the dot or a total miss. Are you by chance an INFJ (Myers Briggs)?

 You sound like you pick up on inauthentic behavior pretty easily, and it’s hard to ignore. I’d trust your gut that she seems off. I’d keep my distance until I could really assess what “stinks” so to speak about her. Maybe it’s the wedding thing like you mentioned, maybe it’s something else. But I don’t think your internal sensors are going off for no reason. 

Post # 8
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

Sorry to hear.

do you work closely with her? If not I would distance myself from her and stop trying to engage in conversation. Be professional rather than friendly as it’s obvious she has some sort of internal problem.

How are your relationships with everyone else? I would consintrate on those instead.

Post # 10
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

It sounds like you need to work on your self-love and confidence.  That will help you feel so much better in these types of situations.  You can’t control your coworker’s behavior, only your own.  Be professional around her to set the tone.  If she really crosses the line, you can report her to HR.  How does she insult you?

Post # 11
Member
668 posts
Busy bee

Without meeting either of you who knows who is stuck up or annoying or whatever.

Tbh your posts kinda sounded like you kinda secretly hate her for her good looks and confidence while you feel self conscious… two sides to every story. 

Regardless of who sucks, try to let it go and work in a professional manner. Go to your bosses or HR if it becomes too much. People will always have conflict but at the work place just try and be the bigger person. It’s not high school. 

For curiosity’s sake whay did this coworker observe in terms of meaness and what was your reaction?

Post # 12
Member
4286 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is a lot easier said than done, but you need to learn to accept that the world has billions of people in it, and you don’t like everyone, so you can’t expect everyone to like you. There is nothing to feel self-conscious or bad about. Some people just don’t get along. And there are millions of reasons why that might be. Plus it sounds like it’s mutual anyway, so look at it as a learning opportunity to learn to work alongside someone you don’t personally like.

If she’s behaving in a way that’s unprofessional, then go to your boss or HR. 

Post # 13
Member
9992 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@overthemoon2018:  

Oh dear, this does sound an unpleasant situation, and being disliked for no apparent reason is hard, low self esteem notwithstanding. If you can, l would keep your interaction to a cool and polite minimum . If you feel up to a confrontation, the the next time she says anything ugly, ask her calmly and as pleasantly as possible ” what do you mean? ” or ” why do you say that” and wait for the reply. If possible just let her give it and say ” l see” or something and walk away. 

 One thing lt would guard against is following up on this idea that she is jealous of you for being married. No doubt she is unhappy and pissed off at having to postpone her wedding, but thinking other women are jealous because you are married is, idk, a bit cringeworthy.  I mean, you could be accused of being jealous of her good looks and popularity and self confidence…..

Engage as little as possible , and as a pp said, just accept that not everyone will like you . There is a woman l have barely spoken to in my street before finding out she pretty much hates me and my dog lol. How she could hate my little dog is beyond me…..

Post # 14
Member
1640 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@overthemoon2018:  I very much doubt that this woman is jealous of you (that you were married first is a reach, especially given that she is younger than you). What is clear in light of your post and post history, is that you are projecting your own insecurity onto your relationship with her (given your preoccupation with your appearance and relationships), and it’s very likely this has impacted your interactions with her. I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason she is keeping her distance from you is because she’s picked up on this creepy/uncomfortable vibe. It wouldn’t be the first time a woman has kept someone at a distance, not because of anything explicit, but because her intuition correctly suggests the other individual is not to be trusted.

Post # 15
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@overthemoon2018:  I have never done anything to her, but I noticed she can be kinda nasty towards me with underhand insults.  As well as making fun of me (even in front of co-workers…

 

Can you give an example? How does she insult you in an underhanded ways, and how does she make fun of you?

 

If she says something rude, maybe just try staring at her straight in the eye and saying, Karen, that was an unkind thing to say. She’ll probably just say she was joking and tell you to lighten up, but at least you will have called her on it. She doesn’t have to like you, but you work together and she should be professional. If she keeps it up, I would tell her again, Karen, your comments are rude and unprofessional. Please stop. She may roll her eyes and act like you’re being melodramatic, but that’s a front when people know they’re in the wrong and trying to save face. She’ll probably stop if you’re direct with her. If she keeps doing it, start logging it (dates, times, incidents, who was in the room) and go to HR. But I would bet the minute you get the balls to confront her to her face she finds another target.

 

ETA: Is she the one who told your coworkers- as you were sitting right there- that she had a great idea for a new business venture but she couldn’t talk about it in front of you specifically because you’d try and steal her idea?

 

If so…I mean, I think I would have laughed, the comment is just so completely absurd. What a strange way to insult someone.

 

If this is the kind of thing you’re up against, OP, ALL you can do is just grow thicker skin. I know easier said than done, but this coworker seems like she wants to needle someone and you may as well have a Kick Me sign on your back. It is probably painfully obvious to everyone you’re an easy mark and it sounds like maybe she stops just left of actually doing something reportable to you so you have to not let her know she’s getting to you. Better yet, stop letting her get to you. Remind yourself of your worth and that you don’t need a coworker to validate that.

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