Co-worker dislikes me/I feel self conscious?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee

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@overthemoon2018:  

It’s actually quite difficult to get a grip on exactly what your complaints about this woman are.

Initially, this thread was about the fact that she didn’t seem to like you or was rude to you and made snide comments to you.

Now, it seems to be about work concerns, which seem to be legitimate.

Look, a co-worker consistently clocking in late and leaving early leaving you with more patient load is a legitimate issue that you can raise with your supervisor or HR.

Your problems with her seem to be all over the place, so I suggest you write them all down. Separate the ones that are legitimate work-related issues (eg. her clocking in late) from the ones that are purely personal (eg. her not greeting you). The personal issues are going to largely come down to you avoiding/ignoring her. 

The work related issues should be documented and raised with management.

Your own feelings about this woman (the fact that you feel bad about yourself, want her to like you but she doesn’t etc.) are for you and you alone to process. No one can help you with those. You can’t let yourself obsess and ruminate about this woman and become all bitter and twisted about it. Believe me when I say that will accomplish absolutely nothing except poisoning your own life.

Post # 62
Member
13613 posts
Honey Beekeeper

There’s no question she’s rude bordering on bullying. I have to wonder if the reason, not that there’s any excuse, is related to you not picking up on social cues or being able to figure things out on the job quickly or efficiently. It would certainly explain the bossiness considering you are on the same team doing the same thing. Believing she’s jealous of your wedding is an example of that disconnect, as is the fact that she’s well liked by others and favored by managers. 

Speaking of that, have you ever had a review? What do your managers say? Are there any areas they say need improvement?  

Post # 63
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

I think you’re just putting too much mental energy into this girl. It doesn’t sound like jealousy, it sounds like you guys are just a mis-match, it happens. It also sounds like she’s well established and well liked in her role which means she’s not going anywhere. 

She’s probably picking up on your insecurity which just exacerbates the tension. Some people find insecurity genuinely irritating. It also often makes them question your competency. Try the book/audiobook ‘presence’ by Amy Cuddy. Some of it’s a bit cheesy, but it’s a good reminder that you need to shift your focus to your own performance rather than other people’s impressions of you. 

Post # 64
Member
9105 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Shina:  The mirror thing is actually a trick that a lot of customer service training programs advise. When you’re smiling, your voice becomes more friendly, so the advice is to put a mirror where you can’t help seeing yourself while you’re on the phone. If you notice yourself looking bored or annoyed, smile. One company I worked for gave new phone staff a company-branded mirror as part of their onboarding kit. 

Post # 65
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee

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@Daisy_Mae:  That’s interesting.  But our old job did not deal with customer service at all and most of her calls were internal within the department.  She was just obsessed with looking at her reflection.  This included reflective surfaces as well.

Post # 66
Member
668 posts
Busy bee

Not to be mean OP but I am finding your responses quite frustrating myself, so it is quite possible for this colleague to be annoyed with you and your personality- even if you ‘stay away from her’

Post # 67
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee

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@milaknot:  

Agreed. “Obstinate” is the word that springs to mind.

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