Post # 1
My fiancé and I had our wedding date planned for 5 months when a co-worker of mine got engaged. 2 weeks later, she told me that they had also picked our wedding date as their wedding date because it’s “the only date they could do.” Really? 365 days in a year, and you pick the same date?
She is a complete wench, and nearly everyone in our office hates her, but she is in a supervisor position, and I am not. (although she is not my supervisor) She often brings personal issues to the office, and I KNOW that she will hold it against people if they choose our wedding over hers (I know it sounds crazy, but if you only knew her….). I’m glad because now I don’t have to worry about getting in trouble for not inviting her to my wedding (someone else in our office got in trouble when they didn’t invite her to a baby shower), but at the same time, she is putting my friends in a horrible position. Everyone obviously likes me more than they like her, mainly because she is crazy and controlling, but I am afraid that my friends will feel obligated to go to hers. We sent save the dates out months before she was even engaged, but she has told someone else in our office that she is making sure she sends her invitations out before mine. What can I/should I do? I am tempted to go above her head and to my boss (who is also her boss) about this tension. This is so frustrating, and she is trying to ruin MY day.
Am I crazy to even be upset about this?
Post # 3
Well, I’m sure that all of your friends from work have already gave you their committment to attend your wedding. So when the supervisor lady asks your other co-workers to come to her wedding, just have them politely tell her, “No,sorry, I’ve already made prior obligations to attend YOUR wedding”. I’m sure she will get the point.
Post # 4
I dont think you are crazy to be upset but you said no one likes her – if you are worried about making people choose your her wedding over yours it sounds like they wouldnt. If she wants to hold it against people thats her problem. Legally speaking its not like she can retaliate if someone doesnt go to her wedding. If she is going to send her invites out before you, find out when and do it a week before that! Id be sending them out in April if I were you anyways since its a holiday weekend
Post # 5
I probably wouldn’t go to the boss. Personally, my boss gets really annoyed about people bring personal problems into the office, and would probably get mad at both parties, even if only one was clearly at fault. The only way I would would be if you wanted to file a formal harassment complaint, and while she’s being horrible, I don’t know if this reaches that level, you know?
My advice: send out your invitations today! It’s not too early. That will give your friends a great excuse (“Oh, I’m so sorry, but I already RSVP’d yes to Ravioli!”). If she starts hassling any one at all about it, then they need to complain themselves. It would be even better if several of them could complain together.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but honestly, if everyone likes you and hates her, then I don’t think you have too much to worry about. Those who really value your friendship will come, and the rest- who cares? Just stay off the topic of weddings around her entirely and you should be able to ride it out.
Post # 6
Wait, why would your friends feel obligated to go to her wedding when 1) they are YOUR friends and 2) they knew of your wedding first? I do not understand why you think this should be brought to the attention of your boss. I am sorry that this woman is being difficult with you, however if she is trying to compete with you it is best not to indulge her in getting the better of you. I would just stick to sending your invites out when you plan and not worry about her. I know it may sound easier said than done, but you will be happier in the long run.
ETA: Your friends are going to want to celebrate with you, not her.
Post # 7
What a b*tch. How rude is that? The ONLY date that could work? PLEASE!
Post # 8
Yes, eenie, that describes her perfectly. And I know it seems obvious to everyone that my friends will go to my wedding…I cannot possibly describe to you the horrible management we have in our office. I am telling you….another coworker seriously got called into our main boss’s office for not inviting this girl to her baby shower, because this girl went to our boss and cried. Another time, a friend of mine had called this girl a “fat ass” outside of work, and I got called into my boss’s office and told that I should not be friends with this person anymore because she called this girl a fat ass…and I wasn’t even there!! I know, it doesn’t make any sense, but our supervisors constantly bring personal issues into the office, and my friends WILL get in trouble if they don’t go to her wedding.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club
It depends. She isn’t your supervisor, but is she your friends’ supervisor? In that case, they may indeed want to preserve their friendship with you, but they might feel more obligated to please her (and keep their jobs). In this case, it wouldn’t be your decision; there’d be nothing you could do.
Personal issues like this are generally frowned on in the office; obviously your supervisor doesn’t care about that, but I think if you went to your boss’ boss it would NOT make you look good. I think you just have to let this one go.
My advice would be to quietly send your invitations, smile graciously if your friends decline, and don’t talk about the wedding at work.
Post # 10
Just to be devil’s advocate, isn’t it possible she picked her date without thinking of you at all? We all like to think that we are important to other people, etc, but its a real possibility that she just chose according to what she wanted, and then later realized it was your date too and didn’t care.
Post # 11
“Just to be devil’s advocate, isn’t it possible she picked her date without thinking of you at all? We all like to think that we are important to other people, etc, but its a real possibility that she just chose according to what she wanted, and then later realized it was your date too and didn’t care.”
No…because she told me she knew that it was our date.
Post # 12
Ravioli, I think we worked in the same office… Only I never lived in Nashville 🙂
But anyway. So all of these friends you’re concenred about ARE her supervisees? I’m guessing whoever isn’t under her would go to your wedding. But I do understand your concern that she would be a b**ch to anyone who didn’t go to her wedding.
Perhaps your friends can go to your ceremony and her reception (or vice versa). And if they go to her reception, maybe they can duck out after dinner, and join your reception for dancing and dessert. Then they really stick it to her anyway. She gets to pay for their dinners, and you get to have them for all the fun stuff, when you can actually socialize with them.
Post # 13
how rude. I think your friends should make their own decision. If they end up at your wedding and then they get in trouble with the boss lady later, that’s when its appropriate to go to the higher ups about it. If you do it now, you might end up looking like a paranoid bride…just be glad she won’t be at your wedding…
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s a huge deal, yeah it sucks but really, that could have been the best weekend/day for her wedding? It’s sad she brings her personal issues to work.
Post # 15
Ha Tanya! I’m glad (?) to hear that b/c I thought I was maybe working in the twilight zone because only my friends who work with me and know the situation seem to even get it!
Post # 16
She needs to realize that even though she may get her invitations out first, your save-the-dates have been out for a while. A rational person would think that this probably means that they are saving the date – for YOU.
At least she is doing you a favor. You don’t have to invite her to yours.