(Closed) Co-worker has picked the same wedding date

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Well, I’m sure that all of your friends from work have already gave you their committment to attend your wedding.  So when the supervisor lady asks your other co-workers to come to her wedding, just have them politely tell her, “No,sorry, I’ve already made prior obligations to attend YOUR wedding”.  I’m sure she will get the point.

Post # 4
2681 posts
Sugar bee

I dont think you are crazy to be upset but you said no one likes her – if you are worried about making people choose your her wedding over yours it sounds like they wouldnt.  If she wants to hold it against people thats her problem.  Legally speaking its not like she can retaliate if someone doesnt go to her wedding.  If she is going to send her invites out before you, find out when and do it a week before that!  Id be sending them out in April if I were you anyways since its a holiday weekend

Post # 5
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I probably wouldn’t go to the boss.  Personally, my boss gets really annoyed about people bring personal problems into the office, and would probably get mad at both parties, even if only one was clearly at fault. The only way I would would be if you wanted to file a formal harassment complaint, and while she’s being horrible, I don’t know if this reaches that level, you know?

My advice: send out your invitations today!  It’s not too early.  That will give your friends a great excuse (“Oh, I’m so sorry, but I already RSVP’d yes to Ravioli!”).  If she starts hassling any one at all about it, then they need to complain themselves.  It would be even better if several of them could complain together. 

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but honestly, if everyone likes you and hates her, then I don’t think you have too much to worry about.  Those who really value your friendship will come, and the rest- who cares? Just stay off the topic of weddings around her entirely and you should be able to ride it out.

Post # 6
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Wait, why would your friends feel obligated to go to her wedding when 1) they are YOUR friends and 2) they knew of your wedding first?  I do not understand why you think this should be brought to the attention of your boss.  I am sorry that this woman is being difficult with you, however if she is trying to compete with you it is best not to indulge her in getting the better of you.  I would just stick to sending your invites out when you plan and not worry about her.  I know it may sound easier said than done, but you will be happier in the long run.

ETA: Your friends are going to want to celebrate with you, not her.

Post # 7
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

What a b*tch.  How rude is that?  The ONLY date that could work?  PLEASE!

Post # 9
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

It depends. She isn’t your supervisor, but is she your friends’ supervisor? In that case, they may indeed want to preserve their friendship with you, but they might feel more obligated to please her (and keep their jobs). In this case, it wouldn’t be your decision; there’d be nothing you could do.

Personal issues like this are generally frowned on in the office; obviously your supervisor doesn’t care about that, but I think if you went to your boss’ boss it would NOT make you look good. I think you just have to let this one go.

My advice would be to quietly send your invitations, smile graciously if your friends decline, and don’t talk about the wedding at work.

Post # 10
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Just to be devil’s advocate, isn’t it possible she picked her date without thinking of you at all? We all like to think that we are important to other people, etc, but its a real possibility that she just chose according to what she wanted, and then later realized it was your date too and didn’t care.


Post # 12
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Ravioli, I think we worked in the same office… Only I never lived in Nashville 🙂

But anyway.  So all of these friends you’re concenred about ARE her supervisees?  I’m guessing whoever isn’t under her would go to your wedding.  But I do understand your concern that she would be a b**ch to anyone who didn’t go to her wedding. 

Perhaps your friends can go to your ceremony and her reception (or vice versa).  And if they go to her reception, maybe they can duck out after dinner, and join your reception for dancing and dessert.  Then they really stick it to her anyway.  She gets to pay for their dinners, and you get to have them for all the fun stuff, when you can actually socialize with them.

Post # 13
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

how rude. I think your friends should make their own decision. If they end up at your wedding and then they get in trouble with the boss lady later, that’s when its appropriate to go to the higher ups about it. If you do it now, you might end up looking like a paranoid bride…just be glad she won’t be at your wedding…

Post # 14
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think it’s a huge deal, yeah it sucks but really, that could have been the best weekend/day for her wedding?  It’s sad she brings her personal issues to work.

Post # 16
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

She needs to realize that even though she may get her invitations out first, your save-the-dates have been out for a while. A rational person would think that this probably means that they are saving the date – for YOU.

At least she is doing you a favor. You don’t have to invite her to yours.

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