co worker is being an idiot

posted 12 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
14987 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

As someone who used to be with someone insanely jealous of nothing, you get tired of that shit real fast.  For me, that pushed me to the end of my rope to end the relationshihip, but guess it didnt work out that way for co-worker.   But I’m sure it didn’t start out as him thinking “hey I’m gonna purposely hide stuff from my wife”… but maybe he used to tell her stuff and she’d get jealous over nothing and over time, it just got easier to not have to deal with her insecurities for no reason.  The whole if it doesnt mean anything, he should be able to tell her thing just doesnt always seem as simple as you make it out to be.  It doesnt mean anything, you tell her, and she gets jealous, for what?  Nothing and you have to actively try to avoid that person for nothing?  Seems silly to me.  And I disagree that he should not be friends with people if that makes her insecure.  So say your husband didnt like you having ANY male friends, you would just not have any??  

Post # 32
2729 posts
Sugar bee

alfalfasprout10518 :  The fact that his wife used to be his super fit gym buddy and she’s insecure about being out of shape now makes this so much worse. Now he has a secret gym-replacement for her that just happens to be in love with him? 

No matter how innocent this guy thinks he is, if his wife finds out she’s gonna be piiiiiiiiiiiiissed 

Post # 34
1546 posts
Bumble bee

Stay out of it!

Post # 35
511 posts
Busy bee

I have to step away from this thread. For some reason, it is triggering the hell out of me (maybe also because I’m PMSing)…But I will say this:

Your friend is not a good dude who loves his wife. A good man who loves his wife does not lie to her, replace her in a hobby they used to share with a newer model (ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE IS FEELING INSECURE ABOUT HERSELF), entertain women who have feelings for him while he is married, and justifies all of this behavior because she is jealous. Those are the actions of a self-centered ASSHOLE who doesn’t care enough about his wife to help her through her tough time (she’s smoking and has stopped going to the gym despite being a health nut previously…obviously there is something going on there, be it stress or otherwise). He cares ONLY that he currently likes his gym routine and it doesn’t matter that he is playing with the emotions of TWO women because he is betraying his wife and continuing to entertain the one who fell in love with him. 

I don’t care how old her jealousy gets…by his very actions HE IS GIVING HER REASON TO BE JEALOUS!!!

I would be nuclear in this situation!!!!

This friend of yours is trash. I hope you dump him as a friend as fast as his wife should dump him as a husband.

Post # 36
64 posts
Worker bee

alfalfasprout10518 :  Debating whether the wife’s jealousy caused the husband’s lying or shadiness is a red herring.  It’s like which came first- the chicken or the egg.  We have no way of knowing.  And if they’ve been together for 30 years, then this dynamic has been going on for a long time. It’s to the point where it doesn’t matter anymore, because he’s being a shitty partner currently.  (Also, if his wife is as jealous and insecure as he’s claiming, why isn’t he suggesting counseling or something to work through those problems? Instead he wants to add MORE gasoline to her fire.)

My favorite way to reason with someone is to ask them what they feel if the situation were reversed.  If he ponders that and then keeps asking for your input, I would do what a PP suggested and say something along the lines of “I’ve already given you my opinion, but you’re going to do whatever you want to do.  I don’t want to be involved further.”

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