(Closed) Co-worker kisses the children at a daycare… What do I do?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
6441 posts
Bee Keeper

eveline:  I personally don’t like other people touching my daughter on the head or the feet or kissing her because I don’t know them.  I know that while she may take care of these kids all the time (during the day for daycare) she shouldn’t be kissing them.  I feel it’s highly inappropriate, especially if none of these kids actually ask for a kiss.  I know there are some little kids that demand hugs and such but it sounds like she’s just going ahead and doing it without considering them.  We’re also entering flu season, so that’s a good reason to not be kissing up on children.

Post # 32
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011


mrs.joiner:  Misswhowedding:  Where are you getting that the kisser-in-question forced the kisses? Seriously, where? That wasn’t even HINTED at in the OP, and while of course it’s a problem if it was actually happening, no mention was made.

Post # 33
109 posts
Blushing bee

Any formal training I have received on child safety has emphasized being very careful when befriending children, for their safety and for your own. Children are different than adults; there is a power imbalance that exists between an adult authority and a child. I work with children and the rules are quite strict on not rewarding children in any manner other than verbal confirmation and a high-five. At my workplace, if children initiate hugging it is okay, but it shouldn’t become a welcomed pattern. Plus, aside from raising concerns about wrong intentions, think even about the spread of germs. I don’t know where you are located OP but in addition to notifying your supervisor or manager I would call a children’s service agency to receive a consult on how to proceed. Where I am located I can call the Children’s Aid Society and speak to a representative about the matter before filing an official complaint.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  .
Post # 34
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If this is a regular caregiver who has an established relationship with the kid and if the kid likes the affection, I see no problem. Obviously I don’t think someone should run around grabbing kids and kissing them on the cheek while they’re kicking and screaming, but it doesn’t sound like that’s what’s happening. While I can understand why many posters on this thread wouldn’t do it, themseves, for fear or liability or just personal prefernce, I don’t this post indicates that this coworker is actually doing anythig overtly wrong.

Post # 35
1983 posts
Buzzing bee

eveline:  Honestly you probably feel like you don’t know these kids since you’re only there once a week. To a lot of these kids, if you are their regular caregiver and you are with them 40 hours a week, you gain a relationship with them. So they’re not strangers. It’s not like some random person is walking into the classroom and planting kisses on all the kids.

Post # 36
1324 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

she’s not a stranger if she’s seeing them every day. i’m a preschool teacher and a ton of my TAs kiss the kids on the cheek. they need that form of security and safety at that age. 

Post # 37
4856 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Gross. Just ask her not to do that. You don’t owe her an explanation. 

Post # 38
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have two kids that have previously been in day are. The women who cared for them loved my children. Like cried when they went to school, moved etc. I have no problem with an occasional peck on the cheek.

Post # 39
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 1975

MissLemon:  BINGO! This Bee (& another Bee), took the words right out of my mouth. Couldn’t have said it better (even without knowing the entire situation/context). We are living in a world/society that anything can and may very well be used against you. Many things are now considered inappropriate and over-stepping boundaries. Less and less is becoming acceptable in our society. People are now more aware of and uncomfortable with behaviors that don’t fit out “norm.” Dont add fuel to any potential fire. 

If her actions make you uncomfortable, I would certainly talk to your superior. A lot of us Bees tell others to “listen to their gut.” That your guts tells you a lot. If you are feeling uncomfortable with her actions, and feel as though her actions are inappropriate and over-stepping, you have a right to say something.

Idk how Childcare works, but I know I worked with children in a Correctional/Detention Facility, and both DPW (Dept of Public Welfare) and CYS (Child Youth Services) oversaw our facility. That meant any concerns we had, if we did not feel comfortable going to a superior/supervisor, could be talked over with those organizations. Maybe those same services are offered with childcare/daycare.

Post # 40
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

All it’s gonna take is for a kid to go home and say, “So-and-so kissed m,” and the parents will FREAK OUT and whose job will be on the line?  Hers, yours, your boss’s, everyone’s.

Post # 43
2069 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you could tell her nicely that you worry about how affectionate she is with the kids b/c there are so many lawsuits these days, germs, people you don’t know coming through there. 

Post # 44
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I hope my daughters teachers know her personally! Oh right, they definitely do. I have no issue if they give my 8 month old kisses on the head/cheek. At a certain age it would become inappropriate and risky on the teachers part. My 8 month old loves giving slobbery kisses on the lips right now. I know she tries it on the teachers (they avoid it when possible of course and don’t encourage it) and the only part that bothers me is germs, but really their lips are prob cleaner than my daughters own hands!

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