(Closed) Co-worker vent…AGAIN….

posted 6 years ago in Career
Post # 2
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

Ew. She sounds miserable. That sucks. With people like that, I feel like sometimes it’s best to just remind yourself that clearly they are deeply flawed, unhappy people. For instance, I used to work with a guy who was nasty like that for no reason. In meetings, privately, just all the time. My friend and I started saying (in our heads of course) “and that is why your wife dumped you.” (His wife left him for her HS boyfriend that she reconnected with on facebook, it was a debacle. It’s not nice, but when you’re with someone that toxic you have to do what you have to do to get through it.

Post # 3
72 posts
Worker bee

She is a total bitch, you should seriously confront her. I’m like you, I don’t like drama at all and most of the time if not all, I try to not answer to mean comments etc. I wouldn’t even dream of saying those stuff she said to you, even if your husband was really a drunk(which he is not but that’s what she would like to believe bec she can’t stand two people being happy). I’m pretty sure that you think the solution is being nice to her but it’s not because she will not appreciate it. You need to be firm with those kinds of people, because that’s the only way they will respect you. You know that’s just how they respond to their surroundings, and they think those who are nice like us are “naive little girls”. I’m not saying you should be like her, but you can literally say it to her face that she is really rude and you don’t wanna talk/be friends if she is gonna keep on with her stupid rudeness. Good luck and don’t let her get to you!

Post # 4
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ugh. I deal with a couple of people like this on a regular basis, and it is very taxing. They take every single thing you say as an ‘in’ to try and insult you. You could say “the weather sucks today” and they’d find some way to pick a fight with you over it.

I’m convinced that people like this are just unhappy. And of course, once someone has decided that they don’t like you, then everything you do becomes offensive to them. It’s unfortunate, but it happens. So what I do is I just completely ignore these people, like they don’t even exist. They make their comments and I don’t even look at them. I never respond. If you don’t give them the fight they’re looking for, they’ll eventually realize that you’re no fun and maybe they’ll leave you alone. Bonus: if everyone else sees you behaving this way, maybe they’ll take your lead as well. Eventually, Coworker A is going to find that she’s awfully lonely with everyone pretending she doesn’t exist. And then maybe she’ll try being less of a bitch.

Good luck! Adults that act like children: pretty goddamned annoying.

Post # 5
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club

Ugh, what a toxic personality.  I’ve dealt with a few of those too, so I understand!  I hope it’s ok if I share some coping mechanisms that have worked for me… I know you’re venting, but I hope you can find a way to stop some of this- you deserve some peace and decency at work!

My best, useful-in-most-situations, always easy to remember statement is, “That’s an interesting opinion to have.” It acknowledges that they said something (these are often attention-seeking folks who will keep it up/get worse if ignored), doesn’t validate what they said (interesting does not mean ok/appropriate/agreeable), and it can open up dialogue (“Why is that interesting?” “Well, I think THIS WAY and you think THAT WAY. I think differing opinions are interesting.”). 

I also like asking, “What?” or “Why?” and having the person explain their statment to me.  “You can believe that I forgot my purse?  Why is that?”  AND PAUSE.  The pause is awkward, so you have to make yourself outlast it.  Sometimes they just completely back down and say nevermind!

Post # 6
2346 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
Daizy914:  You might work with my FI’s aunt lol.

Your coworker sounds like a miserable bitch!!  That’s her cross to carry.  I work with a few of these, one who is particularly heinous.  She has a terrible reputation in our entire building.  Everytime she says or does something that gets me, I just think of what an unhappy human being she must be in her own mind and body to emit that kind of negativity all day.  That makes me feel better LOL!!!  

Post # 7
717 posts
Busy bee

She clearly doesn’t like or respect you for whatever reason.  It stinks that you share an office, but try to say as little as possible to her beyond niceties and ignore any comments that you don’t like.

Post # 9
2836 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
Daizy914:  She sounds bitter at life.  Next time you’re having a conversation with someone else and she interjects, I’d probably tell her that I wasn’t talking to her, but thanks.

Eventually, she might get the hint.  I’d like to tell you to not give her the time of day, but someone like her- she already thinks she has the “upperhand” and just won’t stop.

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