Post # 1
I work in an office of men, and a female Office manager (who is 7 years my junior).
I try to avoid talking about the wedding, although the office manager and I do chat about it every now and then – she often asks how it’s going and I’ll answer her questions.
Recently, the senior partner and another of my co-workers have asked about the planning, they know it’s coming up.
None of these people are invited to the wedding. I don’t want to be rude and ignore their questions, but I also don’t want to be rude and talk about a wedding they’re not invited to. What do I do?
(some of the questions have to do with the fact that my wedding will be very different than what they’re familiar with, the senior partner is from Israel and Jewish, my co-workers are almost all Chinese born immigrants – my white, anglo-saxon protestant wedding will be different than what they know, and I think it might be genuine curiosity)
Post # 3
@MsGinkgo: The answer to your question is in your last paragraph. Brush off the personal question by saying “Oh, it will pretty much be the stereotypical white, anglo-saxon protestant wedding,” and then answer the question more fully by saying “it’s a common custom for ….” the bride to dress in white, the wedding to be held at a church with a reception later at a banquet hall, whatever. This way, you are not talking about your weedding, but about typical weddings.
Post # 4
Everyone I work with knows they aren’t invited to my wedding, because i’m having a small wedding and it’s based on a budget. They still ask me how my wedding planning is coming along, what I have left to do, what I’ve done. I work with 11 men and 1 other woman. I don’t mind answering their questions. They are just making small talk and I’m being respectful by answering them. I work with these people every day on a professional level. I’m not going to ignore their questions.
Post # 5
Try to change the subject when they bring it up.
“How’s the wedding planning going?”
“Pretty good. Have you read the memo that just got sent out?…”
They should understand that not everyone can or will be invited and are asking to check in or make small talk. As long as you aren’t the one bringing it up, you should be good!
Post # 6
@MsGinkgo: They are asking, so answer them. I think it is genuine curiosity. It does not mean you have to invite them. You don’t need to feel bad they are if asking you to talk about it. Brushing off their questions can easily be seen as rude.
Post # 7
@MsGinkgo: I’d just answer them and stop over thinking this. EVERY culture sees weddings as an exciting and happy time. They just want to share in some of your joy.
Post # 8
It sounds like just curiosity. They know you’re planning a wedding, so maybe they think its polite to ask about it. I know if I were asking questions to a future bride, I wouldn’t assume that meant I was getting an invite (so I wouldn’t be offended if that invite never arrived).
Post # 9
@hopefullyhopeful: I agree – I never ask about another person’s wedding assuming I’m getting an invite, but I am a worrier and don’t like to offend people.
I’ve been answering people politely, saying we’re having a small wedding, close friends and family.
Post # 10
@MsGinkgo: I think they are trying to engage you in conversation about something that is mutually exciting for them. It’s exciting seeing someone you know getting married, or having a baby etc. At my job I have worked with some of these people for over five years and none of them seemed upset when they didn’t get an invite. I had such a small wedding it would have been impossible to invite everyone. I think most people understand that.
Post # 11
I think it is better to answer their questions with what you will be doing rather than who is invited. I suppose they are asking how planning is going not who is invited.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@MsGinkgo: Evasive maneuvering! But seriously, just them just enough information to satisfy their curiosity but not enough that they know the venue or time. If you don’t plan on inviting them keep the details to a minimum and if they get too nosy give them a work related excuse as to why you have to get away (I have a conference call I need to prepare for; I need to get X memo from so-and-so, etc…)
Post # 13
@MsGinkgo: My answer is usually along the lines of: It’s going really well, I think we have things coming along well. Thanks for asking.
Post # 14
@MsGinkgo: I just answer vaguely, people are genuinly curious about things. I get the ‘whens your date’ and I just say September. Where are you having it ? and Ill just name the town-
Alot of the time it is just small talk to them. I have a large office and am only inviting my boss- I assume that people only ask because they are curious and know they aren’t invited.
I also try to change the subject pretty quick or start asking them about what they did for their weddings/ complain about money” ie weddings suck they are so expensive” and it usually provides a nice change of conversation lol
Post # 15
@rickhurst35: same here! I don’t think co workers expect to be invited unless you actually hang out with them at a personal level
Post # 16
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
People ask me about my planning at work fairly often. “It’s going!” I say. “Slowly but surely.”
And that’s it. They’re just curious/excited. There’s only one woman who thinks she’s going to worm herself into an invitation, but I see her coming a mile away. Anyway, her interest isn’t in my wedding, but in one of the guests, eye roll.
Don’t feel awkward about it! People are happy for you.