(Closed) Co-workers: Do I have to invite all?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who should I give invitations to?

    All of the attorneys

    Only the ones you think will actually come to the wedding

    Other (explain in comments)

  • Post # 3
    195 posts
    Blushing bee

    I would not invite any of my co-workers.  Why?  I dont like them! plain and simple.  The SO has awesome co-workers but we would only invite the ones we actually hang out with outside of work.  If you want to invite ones you are close to go for it, but don’t invite people just because you work with them.

    Post # 4
    1305 posts
    Bumble bee

    I voted all, only because I had a similar situation as yours – I wanted to invite all my co-workers (about 15) except a certain one.  I took the high road and invited her anyways.  She never showed.  But at least it doesn’t look like you’re purposely snubbing anyone.

    ETA – this had to do with an old place of employment.  I was only at my current job 5 months when I got married, so I didn’t invite any of my “new” co-workers…since I didn’t know when that well yet.

    Post # 5
    3263 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Ugh. Eventually I’ll be in this same predicament. There is one that I absolutely despise, and she feels the same about me. If I took the high road and invited her she’d come out of spite and the “free meal” thing. No one in the office likes her and would hate to be seated with her so it’d be bad for even the other coworkers!

    Post # 6
    382 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Only invite the ones that you actually WANT to come (rather than whether you think they will or not).

    Post # 7
    1692 posts
    Bumble bee

    Do not invite anyone whom you find yourself mentally cattegorizing as a “coworker”. The elegant social events of your private life should not be turned into business networking events. It degrades the event, and it creates awkwardness in your business life.

    What if someone who outranks you turns out to have bad social manners, and invites a half-dozen “and guests” — would you have the gumption to call them on it and would they have the modesty not to retaliate against you for the embarassment in the business domain? Or would you find yourself sucking up the imposition in order to protect your career, and having then to work with someone you secretly resent? What if someone thinks you are using your fancy party as a bribe to evoke favouritism from them on your behalf? What if you invite someone who reports to you, and they think that they are then obliged to come (and give a gift) whether they want to or not? Stick to professional business relationships with co-workers, and save your social relationships for friends and family.

    That said, if you happen to work with someone you consider a close friend, invite them as a friend — not as a coworker. Send the invitation to them (and their spouse) at their home address, just as you would to any other friend.

    Post # 8
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Personally, I think it is sort of an all or nothing. If you are going to invite any of the attorneys, I would think you should do all the partners, given that they are senior to you. In my case, I invited all my manager-level people in my department, even though I’m closer to some than other. There’s always a chance they won’t all show up. However, regarding the associates, I think it would be awkward to do some and not the other as that’s going to be difficult to justify if word gets out. If you only invite the partners, it’s a “Oh, they’re the senior staff. That’s respectful. blah blah blah…” Conversely, if you are going to literally invite 1 or 2 associates/partners, you *can* BUT they have to keep it quiet from everyone because it will put everyone in an awkward position. However, there’s always the chance the person you don’t get along with won’t even show up. If I got an obligational invitation at work from someone because everyone else was invited but I wasn’t close to them or didn’t get along with them, I wouldn’t go (though of course, I would have a good face-saving excuse).

    Of course, there’s no reason you have to invite everyone to begin with. Usually, co-workers do not expect to be invited, especially if it is a small wedding. With this in mind, if you choose not to invite your co-workers, keep the wedding chatter down to a minimum unless they specifically ask you questions and encourage you to elaborate.

    Post # 9
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Isecond the idea of not making your wedding a networking event.  Invite your friends. the people who you can’t imagine spending the day without and who would love to be there.  If this applies to all of your co workers then invite them all.  if not, invite the ones who you have that closeness with only.  The others should understand and if they do not, they need to grow up. On another note.  I would not feel comfortable inviting anyone to my wedding that made me self conscious about how “fancy” my invites were. Imagine spending all night worrying if the partners like your dress or flowers or if they think the shrimp cocktail is fresh enough.  You shouldn’t feel that at your wedding and a friend should never make you feel so.

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