(Closed) Co-workers don't like husband – How to react?

posted 6 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would speak to your co-workers and have them share with you what the real problem is.  Tell them that you are intrigued and would like any information in regards to this to help your husband.  You and your husband can work on the said problem again (if there is a real one) and try again with said co-workers.  It may also help gain friends elsewhere.

If there is no real problem and you think they’re being ridiculous, then you can decide if you want to carry on any sort of friendship with them.

Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
9884 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Friendship has to occur organically, it can’t be forced.  I’m curious as to why you would be trying to include your husband in a game night with your co-workers?  Doesn’t your husband have his own co-workers?  You can’t make friends for him, he has to make them for himself.  Also, your use of the word “desperate” concerns me.  And he would be “killed” by his perception that this would be “rejection.”    (??)  That seems a little over the top and may explain their “bad feeling” about him.  Desperation isn’t an attractive quality.

My advice for how you should treat your co-workers from now on – professionally.

People often make the mistake of assuming co-worker = friend.  It doesn’t.  A co-worker is a co-worker, usually not a friend, however it does happen sometimes.  Keep your friendships and working relationships separate and you won’t have this problem. 

You and your husband have each other, for starters.  And if you’re looking for friends try this:  Join a club or group (such as Meet-Up) with people who have similar interests to yours.  Or meet people at church functions.  Or your neighbors.  You will find friends, so don’t give up!

Post # 5
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

It’s a real bummer that they wouldn’t include your Darling Husband in game night, but the only thing you can say to that is “Next!” I mean honestly if they’re that exclusive that they can’t extend the group out a little to someone who clearly needs friends and wants to get to know them better, then good riddance. Keep trying to make friends in other areas.

From now on, just treat them normally. You don’t have to act like nothing happened but just be completely neutral at work. Now you know the relationships wont develop into real friendships, but that doesnt’ mean you can’t have good working relationships with them. With time everything will go back to normal.

Post # 6
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have a good friend (coworker at one point but she switched jobs and now we’re just friends) who I love to hang out with. I don’t like her Boyfriend or Best Friend. But I would never make that obvious to her. I know he makes her happy and she’s a grown woman and can make her own decisions about who to hang out with. I hang out with her all the time, but I avoid hanging out as couples at all costs.

I don’t know that he is a bad person or anything. He just has a really weird sense of humor that put me off and makes me uncomfortable. So please don’t take any offense if they didn’t get along with him. Just because two people enjoy hanging out with the same person doesn’t mean they would enjoy hanging out as a large group.

Post # 9
Member
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think it would sound desperate if you asked them once just for their real opinion because you’re concerned this may be a problem without others as well – even if this isn’t the truth.  I would just say you’ve been trying to figure it out and can’t pinpoint it.  If they don’t bite, then you move on from this situation.  =)

Best of luck though!

ETA: Of course this is just a suggestion.  I agree with Sunfire that co-workers don’t really mean friends.  Do you hang out with them often outside of work though?  Is that why you’re upset they don’t like him?

Post # 10
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Why are you assuming they don’t like him based on them not wanting to include someone in a gaming night that they met one time? Maybe they would after spending some additional time around him, but its a pretty big leap for you to ask he be included with people he barely knows. I’d find that completely off the wall myself, and would have probably said the same thing.

Did he ask you to see if he could join or did you do it all on your own? If he doesn’t know anything about it, why would you tell him anything at all?

Post # 11
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Don’t tell him. That would only make him feel insecure and self-conscious.

I don’t think you should give up on your work friendships so easily.  If you get to know some of them better, and get to see them outside of work, they might develop more naturally into friendships with your husband, too. And once you know them a little bit better, you might be able to find out why they didn’t want him to join their game night, which could be useful information as you try to expand your social circle.

Post # 12
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is their game night just coworkers without SOs?

If I were in their position, it is kinda awkward to hang out with a coworkers husband that they barely know. Things could be discussed that they don’t want shared.

Post # 13
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@ItWasntMe:  Why are you assuming they don’t like him based on them not wanting to include someone in a gaming night that they met one time? Maybe they would after spending some additional time around him, but its a pretty big leap for you to ask he be included with people he barely knows.

I agree…it would be weird to me to be asked to include someone I’d only met once at a party at a regular gathering of my friends. It wouldn’t mean that I didn’t like that person; just that I wasn’t ready to move so fast.

Post # 14
Member
9884 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@natalila:  I wouldn’t tell your husband in a way that would hurt his feelings. 

Can you ask your co-workers to be more explicit with regard to their “bad feeling” about him?  Since you get along well with them it doesn’t make a lot of sense why they wouldn’t want to include him. 

Unless it could be that they’re afraid he may be better at it than them, lol.  Maybe they feel threatened by him in some way? 

I have honestly noticed a strange reaction to my Fiance by other guys at times.  He is very attractive and very physically fit and sometimes other men get all “macho” and in his face – like his masculinity is a threat to them somehow.  It seems weird to me but guys are weird sometimes the same way women can be catty towards very attractive women, if that makes any sense.

Post # 15
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Another thought, try to find friends outside of work. Its not a good idea to both professionally and socially rely on one circle of friends.

Post # 16
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m confused, were you asking if both you and your husband could attend, or just your husband? If it was just him I think it’s less weird, they may just not feel like they know him well enough yet to spend time with him withough you.

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