(Closed) Co-workers not invited & driving me nuts!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@kermie: Just say you are at your budget and space max and thank them for their enthusiasm. That’s what I’m doing. I hope it all works out. Just tell them if you could you would but right now you are tapped out.

Post # 4
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Wow, that’s tough.

I would also say that budget doesn’t allow it AND that your family is very close knit and would be highly offended if you interuppted this intimate event with work mates. Also say that if you invited them you would have to invite FI’s work mates who are unpleasant.

Again state that it means a lot to your family for it to be close people only and that at least one set of parents have met everyone who is invited. So inviting them is not an option. 

Post # 5
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow, that’s pretty intense.  I’m sorry you have to deal with that!  I would simply tell them that you are having a small wedding and simply don’t have the space or expenses to include everybody.  I’m in an office of about 90 people and one of my coworkers told me that nobody in the office should expect to be invited because although we see each other daily, we’re technically still acquaintances since we don’t know the ins-and-outs of each others’ lives.  

Good luck!  Don’t let them get to you!

Post # 6
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Wow, that’s the epitome of rudeness. Next time someone brings it up, I would say, “Due to our budget, My Fiance and I have to draw the line at friends with whom we socialize as a couple. I hope you understand and respect our wishes, and please don’t feel obligated to throw me a shower.”

And if they continue, I wouldn’t hesitate to say, “Please let’s agree not to discuss this anymore. It’s really making me uncomfortable.” And then just don’t engage in any further talk about the wedding with them.

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Wow!  They threatened you?  Not to do bodily harm but not to give you a shower if they weren’t invited! Wow!  

I guess you tell them you have a limited budget (which isn’t really their business but it’s kind of obvious if you’re working part time).  I would tell them it’s unfortunate that they don’t support/respect the decisions you have made for your wedding but you understand that there are people (them) who sometimes are thrown off by wedding traditions or preparations that are different from what they are used to.  If they decided to “punish” you for not having the type of wedding they are used to, you understand and respect their decision to do whatever they see fit (unlike they are behaving toward you).  Kill them with kindess!!!

Post # 7
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Wow!  They threatened you?  Not to do bodily harm but not to give you a shower if they weren’t invited! Wow!  

I guess you tell them you have a limited budget (which isn’t really their business but it’s kind of obvious if you’re working part time).  I would tell them it’s unfortunate that they don’t support/respect the decisions you have made for your wedding but you understand that there are people (them) who sometimes are thrown off by wedding traditions or preparations that are different from what they are used to.  If they decided to “punish” you for not having the type of wedding they are used to, you understand and respect their decision to do whatever they see fit (unlike they are behaving toward you).  Kill them with kindess!!!

Post # 8
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree on the limited budget. You could tell them you appreciate their support, but since you are paying for this yourself, there is no way you could afford to have everyone you care about there. You had to make sacrafices, and you could mention having a pot luck lunch or something in office with everyone to ‘celebrate’.

I’m in an office of 15 people (with 5-8 there on a given day). I was selective, only picking my boss, and two coworkers who I have seen outside of work (and I talk with their wives). When I’ve gone to lunch with my other coworkers, some made a point to say they can’t wait to see me in a dress (as we are a casual office) and formal non-the-less. I haven’t said to them “your not invited”, but I just try to ignore it. I do feel guilty at times, but frankly, sometimes they make me want to scream – well, lets make that 9/10 times.

Post # 9
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@kermie: It amazes me that work people assume they’re invited.  I invited one girl in the entire building that I work in (probably about 100 people) because I trained for this job with her, and we actually have hung out outside of work (not a lot because of schedules, but still).  I asked her to please keep it quiet that she’s coming just so others aren’t offended.

I recently switched shifts so I work with a whole new group of people that I’ve only known for about a month.  One day one of the girls (who I don’t particularly like) asked who from work was invited.  I said that one person was (I probably should’ve lied).  She asked why they (the people I work with) weren’t invited, I said, because there’s no room.  She says, well for MY wedding, I had TWO sets of invitations, one for the ceremony and dinner and dance, and one just for the ceremony and dance.

Uh…K.  I don’t like you all that much.  Quite frankly I really don’t like any of you at this place.  So…WHY would I invite you.  Second, invitations went out ages ago.  Third…HOW IS IT OKAY FOR YOU TO INVITE YOURSELF TO MY WEDDING!?

I don’t know what the right answer is here.  I guess you have to be persistent, give the same reason for them not coming over and over, and just not give in.  You made a list, they weren’t invited…that’s how it is.

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