(Closed) Co workers think im too young to get married!

posted 9 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: 19 too young to be engaged?
    Yes : (237 votes)
    68 %
    No : (114 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 137
    Member
    528 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I voted yes as I think 9/10 times it is too young- but everyone is different and it certainly works for some people. You know your own mind and heart, and it’s not like your marrying straight away anyway.

    Post # 138
    Member
    1732 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    It’s just such a personal thing though, so dependent on what you’ve been through and your relationship.

    For me, personally, 19 would have been way, way, WAY too young.  I am thankful everyday that I didn’t marry the guy I was so sure I was ready to at that age.  Your life, your choice, but it would have been a huge mistake for me and I would have been a young divorcee.

    Post # 139
    Member
    390 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @bolita7: My rule (and coincidentally my parents rule) of thumb on “too young or not too young” is this: Get a degree first.

    I don’t take it upon myself to say whether you are too young or not, but getting a degree first is such a great rule of thumb for many reasons.

    • You will both be able to contribute to your new family
    • Should something happen you will have the means to support yourself
    • It will provide you with the time necessary to discover who you are
    • Divorce rates instantly go down the more education you have (aka that pesky 50 percent divorce rule really only applies to couples who have a high school degree only…it drops with more education).
    • You won’t be tempted to leave school halfway to pop out some babies.

    So, get a degree first. If you love each other there should be no reason you can’t go to school for four years in the same place and then get married.

    Post # 141
    Member
    390 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @bolita7: Fantastic! If you only have one more year left, and you know that you are mature enough to know this relationship is it, then you have my blessing. (I say that like it matters soooooooooooooooo much ROFL).

    Post # 143
    Member
    540 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Isn’t it funny how co-workers are so great at giving unwanted advice/comments?  Just smile, nod, and tune them out:)

    When I first got engaged, we originally planned for a 2-year engagement.  A lady at work actually said to me, “Are you sure he’ll still want to marry you by then?”  She’s Ukranian, so I figured she didn’t know how wrong that sounded.

    Post # 144
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    let me tell you why i voted NO, when i was 19 i was dating my now fiance we are now 28 and getting married this year. We also thought that we were too young to get married at that age (we talked of marriage then) and here were are almost 10 years later still madly in love with one another and planning out wedding. do what is best for you and your fiance. only YOU can really anyswer this question.

    Post # 145
    Member
    1995 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think that if you’re mature enough to get married, you’re mature enough to handle peer pressure from older (jealous?) coworkers.  I’d just suck it up and know that you’re right and they’re wrong.

    Post # 146
    Member
    193 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    All I have to say is; my parents were 20 when they got married, 25 when they had their first child.

    They are still together and are an amazing team and love each other unconditionally. I think it’s totally about the couple, not the age. Anyone who says different is wrong.

    Post # 147
    Member
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Don’t listen to your coworkers. When I got engaged, I got similar stuff from my co-workers. They would say things like “I’m glad its you and not me” and talked about their marriage failures. One was divorced and he cheated on her and always talked about it. The first thing she said when I told her I got engaged was, “Has he been married? How many kids does he have?”. Ignore all those comments, everyone is ready at different ages. I was 23 when we got engaged and will be 25 when we get married but I love to be already married. We were ready just waiting to be done with school.

    Post # 148
    Member
    1664 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I think this completely depends on the couple, but I do think it’s fair to say that most 19 year old aren’t ready.  It is unfortunate that people give unsolicited advice and make comments about your age though… unless it comes from a good place.  Sometimes people are just too judgmental.

    In my experience, 19 would have been way too young for me.  And I think I was a very mature 19-year-old in a lot of ways.  I grew up fast and had a lot of responsibilities and life experiences that were not necessarily typical of my age group.  I think that’s why I really hate seeing people try to justify getting married young with this “age is just a number, I have experience” rhetoric. Also, I’ve seen teenagers in the city whose parents are drug addicts or have walked out on them and they have been responsible for raising their siblings and getting money… all sorts of awful things.  But they aren’t necessarily ready to get married.  I’m troubled by all the people who feel they need to go online and ask for validation while in the same breath saying that “I am are sure I want to get married and am ready.”

    Post # 149
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2008

    If you are ready, then who cares about the age 🙂 my mom was 16 and they have been together for near 40 years. I was 22, my best friend was 19 and is living very happily (after 7 years). Its about who you are. If you feel comfortable with were you are. God bless and go for it

     

    Post # 150
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    It IS very individual but,

    “The average age for first marriage: 26 for women, 28 for men

    50 percent of all marriages end in divorce.

    60 percent of all couples who marry between 20 and 25 divorce.”

     

    “”Women’s brains are not fully developed until age 25, and men’s brains develop later, between the ages of 25 and 30,”

    http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/family/sc-fam-0513-young-married-20100513,0,272462.story

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