Post # 1
Hi all, i really need some advise. My fellow co-workers (2 other girls) and i all started our job at the same time. On our very first day i told them i was engaged and we were looking at getting married in September. Their reply “OMG we can be your Bridesmaids” i laughed it off but looking back the warning signs should have gone off then! Over the last couple of months it has just gotten worst: ‘ i will make your dress for you”lets go try on wedding dresses”time is running out, let me help you with invites’ ‘im going to be sobbing at your wedding’ ‘who am i taking as my plus 1’ ect….normally i just laugh it off and say thanks but ive got it all covered.
What irrates me the most is that ive said we keeping it small, close friends and family, however, they believe they are part of my ‘close friends’ groups. I have never said to them that they are invited, yet im feeling so pushed into inviting them because they invited themselves! Look they are lovely girls but at the end of the day i cant afford them. how do i tell them they wont be getting a invite?
We work in retail and have to work weekends, so i have said to them that someone has to come to work that day and it’s not going to be me. So they contacted head office to say we need another staff member for bla bla bla reasons. Now head office has approved it and given us the go ahead, now i feel even more pressure to invite them.
I really dont want to hurt them, but i have spoken to them about budget and costs and they dont seem to get it. I was thinking that maybe i should give them an invite (so they feel wanted) but change the RSVP date to half way into this month ( i know interview process will take a while) and then say to them that as we havent hired a new girl yet, there is no guarantee that they will be able to make it and as i have to give my final guest count i will put there RSVP as no as it will be unfair on me to pay extra and that they are more than welcome to join us for some dancing and drinks after dinner?
What are your comments?
Sorry for the lenght of this post but you know the full story now 🙂
Post # 3
You’ve tried to do the gentle route but it’s just bouncing off. No choice but to be firm and direct. Be nice about it, but don’t mince words. “Gee, ladies, I’m sorry we got our signals crossed and I’m flattered that you’re so excited for me, but I’m afriad I simply can’t add you to the guest list, there’s just no room at the venue.”
Extending the invitation then making up a bunch of flimsy excuses won’t work, and banking on your corporate HQ to solve the problem for you definitely won’t work and may even backfire on you.
Post # 4
I’ve actually been at my job for almost 4 years, and most of my co-workers have been there for at least a year, but I’m not really planning on inviting any of them to the wedding. I am planning on inviting my 2 closest friends, but coincidentally they are no longer in my department. I would love to be able to invite all of my current department, but unfortunately, we may not have the room, so it’ll depend on what the RSVPs look like. I’ve already had one of my co-workers say something like, “I guess I need to be sure I’m not doing something the day of your wedding weekend.” And had to come up with some response about not sure how much room we’d have. So I guess we’ll see what the RSVPs look like, but it’s hard not being able to invite someone who expects an invite, especially when you see them everyday.
Post # 5
If I were in your position I would just tell them that the wedding is going to be very small, only family and close friends and you’re sorry but you won’t be able to invite them. It won’t be easy but obviously you don’t want them there or you wouldn’t be strugging so hard with this 🙂
I know how you feel though, I’m strugging with how do I invite some of my co-workers but not all of them. I work at a party supply warehouse with over 400 people and there is no way I can invite them all!
Post # 6
Hi and welcome to the Hive!
What a tricky spot to be in. I can see myself being in the same kind of predicament and completely caving, so I don’t envy you!
Fishbone is right – you’ve tried the gentle route to no avail, so unfortunately you now need to be firm. You can be tactful, however. Maybe say something like, “Listen, ladies, I am so touched that you are happy and excited for me, really. I’ve been thinking about how to squeeze additional people onto our guestlist, but I had a chat with my fiance this week and unfortunately we are having to keep everything as originally planned,” and then to soften the blow a bit, perhaps add, “There are good friends from my previous job who I’ve not been able to invite and I feel so bad, but the guest list is already bigger than we’d like.”
I think going with the RSVP date idea you mentioned may possibly backfire, so I would personally avoid it. In that situation, what if they say, “Oh, I’m sure they will find a new staff member by the date of your wedding, so I’m just going RSVP now!”? Yikes. I hate these situations. Truly feel for you. Keep us updated!
Post # 7
I only invited 4 of my coworkers. I would have loved to invite my whole group but I had to pick and choose. I picked my two closest girlfriends, my “big brother” and “big sister”. Everyone else knows about the wedding but also knows I’m on a super tight budget.
Post # 8
i told co-workers from day 1 that we have a teeny venue. i’ve had people make jokes and say they’ll show up though. i just laugh it off… I think by now people understand. Fi and I work at the same company. between us both, that’d be an extra 25 people. that’s our B list though. if family declines, we’ll invite everyone from work. we cant invite 1 without the other 24 though. it’s not fair. It’s touchy…. im sure people will get over it after the fact. i invited my girls at work to my bachelorette party to make them feel involved.