Post # 1
**Annonymous post for the sake of anonimity**
I’ll try to be brief: A couple in one of our (my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I) friend groups is expecting their first child soon. A few days ago an invitation to the baby shower came in the mail. It’s a co-ed “Baby-Q” shower at the home of the parents to be.
We aren’t terribly close to this couple, my Boyfriend or Best Friend likes the Husband, however for reasons I can’t put my finger on, his wife and I have never really “meshed”. We’ve hosted them at our house multiple times for parties, and she’s only spoken to me once in all of those times, and has almost never acknowledged me at any group outing elsewhere. Multiple times shes walked into my house said hello to my Boyfriend or Best Friend and then actually averted her eyes and turned her body slightly away from me while walking past me. She will physically turn her back to me if I walk into the same room shes in. She’s incredibly otugoing and talkative, so I dont’ feel like this is a shyness issues. I’ve asked others in the group, who see her more than I do, if I did something, or if there’s some issue, or something i can do, everybody has said no. Other people have noticed the behavior, but nobody seems to know why its happening. Last winter I just finally got fed up with it, and told myself I had to stop caring. Everytime since, I’ve just said a very quick hi and then turned my attention to people who actually wanted to interact with me. (I don’t want to ignore her back; trying to be the bigger person here)
So backstory quickly sumed up; we get the co-ed baby shower invite, however it’s only addressed to my boyfriend. There’s no note or anything on the inside like saying “we hope to see you both there” or something similar. At this point we’ve lived together for about 2 years, and I think we count as a social unit at this point. So I’m guessing I’m not invited. I’m more than ok with this. In casual conversation with other members of that social group I’ve learned no other couple was “split up”, even those that were “casually” dating.
Boyfriend isn’t as up on ettiqute as I am (it was a big part of my career for awhile), and says I should still go.(he says he wont go if I don’t) I say no way. I definitly don’t feel invited, and I am 100% not okay showing up somewhere I’m not invited/wanted.
Am I right? Is Boyfriend? Is there some aspect of this whole thing I’m missing? And if so, please please share.
and thank you thank you thank you inadvance
Post # 2
Yiiiikes. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like a mistake. If I were you I would tell your SO you aren’t planning in going, but if he’s concerned about it, he can ask his guy friend (dad-to-be). I’m so sorry, Bee. That’s ridiculous.
Post # 3
babyshowerquestion : I think your boyfriend should decline. He doesn’t want to go without you, and you were not invited. If the host asks him why he couldn’t make it, he can tell them that he didn’t want to go by himself. I personally would not send these people a gift, since this seems to be an obvious snub. If he really wants to, he can send a card or something when the baby is born.
Post # 4
babyshowerquestion : Yeah, this is no mistake. I would not waste another moment on that couple. If your boyfriend wants to hang out with his buddy, fine, but I wouldn’t bother going myself to the baby shower or to any other event they were hosting, nor would I invite them anymore. What a bitch. In fact I’d say the guy friend is just as culpable so what a bitchy couple.
Post # 5
Ehhhh….It’s a baby shower. It’s a party that almost exclusively excludes guests of a certain gender yet I don’t see people with pitchforks declaring equal rights for their male SO’s to be included under those circumstances because they are a social unit.
Sure it’s a shitty thing to exclude one of you if you’ve historically hung out as couples, but it sounds like your boyfriend is closer to the husband and he is like “his guest” and it sounds like you don’t even get along with the wife in the first place. If this had been someone in either of your families excluding the other or an event where historically couples are invited as a social unit then maybe I’d get all indignant about it and clarify or take a stand on principle. But it’s really not worth it for the level of relationship you have. Since you aren’t close and you don’t appear to be invited I wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t expect my boyfriend in this situation to necessarily decline just because I’m not invited. If he wants to go, he should go. If he doesn’t, then don’t. If you would have ordinarily given them a gift, I would still give it and not base it off this incident. If you wouldn’t have felt compelled to do so because you’re not that close, then don’t.
Post # 6
babyshowerquestion : Sorry (not sorry), She’s a bitch. My Darling Husband has friends that I don’t mesh with, and they usually see each other without me (and vice versa). But on the rare occasion they come to my house or I go to theirs, we still are polite to each other and make small talk. We still invite them to our social events and vice versa.
I’m not as big a believer of “social units” as a lot of bees here, and am fine for splitting couples in all sorts of situations.
But the invite couples with the other information you’ve provided, is clearly a slight to you. If she has a problem with you she should be an adult and clear it up with you. But to treat you the way she has (including at your own house??) and exclude you yet include your boyfriend and the whole rest of your social group, is bullying as far as I’m concerned.
Honestly, I would go one of 2 ways.
1. (politely) confront her and ask her if she has a problem that you guys could sort out as you have noticed that she doesn’t seem to want to speak with you (don’t mention the invite)
or 2. Drop them. Don’t even reply to the invitation, or message them. When they ask for a RSVP your boyfriend can either say he isn’t interested as he’s sick of his girlfriend being ignored and disrespected by them, or he can just take the high road and decline. Don’t invite them to social gatherings you are hosting anymore.
Post # 7
babyshowerquestion : you should not go….and neither should your boyfriend. Send your regrets and best wishes for the baby WITHOUT a gift. This bitch is just trying to get free baby crap.
Post # 8
So weird! I’d be tempted to have your bf speak to the husband and ask what their problem with you is. But also maybe not worth the drama and you should just be done with them.
Post # 9
I don’t think either of you should go.
That’s incredibly rude of them to send an invitation to the home you share, that she’s been to, that she knows you live in – and not invite you directly by name. There’s absolutely no way that the couple suddenly forgot you existed. She sounds like a snotty bitch and clearly has an issue with you for some reason. I would either want to know why or wouldn’t want to be friends with them anymore.
Post # 10
I would have already asked her what her problem was- that turning a back on folks thing is so childish and I don’t like fake or toxic behaviors that don’t get directly addressed.
That said, your SO should absolutely not attend and you guys should definitely not send a gift. If anyone in this clusterfuck of a situation actually asks any questions or addresses the matter directly with your SO, he could just say “Well, since you left out [blank], I decided not to attend.” If they have a problem with your presence, they should have a problem with gifts purchased with your money, too.
Post # 11
If your boyfriend wants to maintain a friendship with the guy, they can do it ontheir own time. I wouldn’t waste another moment entertaining this couple. I certainly would not attend the baby shower. I would expect my boyfriend to have my back and decline the invitation.
How rude does this woman think she can be and still solicit a baby gift?