Cohabitating before catholic marriage

posted 3 years ago in Catholic
Post # 16
2372 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I know the Catholic Church is behind times in the standards they expect people to live up to (while ignoring much more grievous matters of their own, but that’s another story). But we know what they do expect. So why get married in the Church, if you are going to flout the rules and lie to the priest?

Ideally the priest wouldn’t even ask about living arrangements or sex. But in case they do, I don’t see the point of lying. If you want to get married in the church for the right reasons I would say, take the priests advice to heart. You can get married any number of places. It should mean something though.

Post # 18
919 posts
Busy bee

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sparklez11909 :  I’m sorry to say, but that is a really flawed study with a very obvious issue that prevents it from being accurate or being taken seriously. This is because, typically, couples that DON’T live together before marriage are you religious of some sort. Not all of them, obviousl, but a solid majority. Religious people also typically have a much harder time justifying divorce because it is a ‘sin’ in their religion. Therefore, we can conclude that study has nothing to do with couples who lived together having a higher divorce rate and everything to do with religious couples typically having a harder time divorcing.

Post # 19
400 posts
Helper bee

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yourhandinmine :  Yea…completely agree with you. Just letting soonmrscrocker2 what they “say” those reasons are. 

Post # 20
87 posts
Worker bee

If you’re THAT Catholic wouldn’t you already have a church you are a part of? Anyways, I’d just let people’s comments roll off my shoulder. Who cares what they think?

Post # 21
1047 posts
Bumble bee

DH and I considered a Catholic wedding to please his mother. When we sat down and met the priest who took our info. When it came time to give our addresses (which were similar) he came down on us telling us to fess up and admit we lived together. That wasn’t the case at ALL. We live on the same street. We weren’t hiding anything. There were also a bunch of hoops we had to jump through to get married in that church so we walked away.


Post # 22
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

 luna91 :  Completely depends on the priest. We have lived together 4 years, both have kids from outside of wedlock and both have been married and divorced before. He has had a vasectomy, I take birth control, we’re a walking Catholic disaster. We’re getting married in the church in June.

Post # 23
3 posts

I’m catholic, we loved together for 2 years. Nbd to me. We still got married in the Catholic Church 

Post # 25
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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luna91 :  we lived together before our catholic marriage and our priest didn’t bat an eye lash. 

They know it’s 2017 and couples live together and I don’t think they give a lick about it anymore. 

Post # 26
4846 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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luna91 :  It really depends on the priest. Most priests will marry you but they will generally ask you to commit to abstinence from that point forward. 

My friend got married 8 months pregnant in a Catholic church with their four year old daughter as a flower girl. The priest was cool with it and saw it as righting a wrong so to speak.

The church organist kind of flipped though when she saw my friend waddle down the aisle in her white dress. Her face became red and she refused to be the organist after that and told off the priest for allowing such a thing!! The priest found it humorous that the organist got her knickers in a twist and he told my friend what went down a few months after their wedding.  He alluded to fact that he never much liked the organist lady and he would of hired a pregnant bride years ago if he knew that it would get this particular lady out of his hair 😂

Post # 27
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - New York, New York

My parents lived together before they had a catholic wedding (married over 30 years), Mr. Joseph’s parents lived together before their catholic wedding (married almost 25 years), and my friend just got married last June and they lived together before marriage and had a catholic wedding. It shouldn’t be an issue for you guys. If the priest gives you a hard time, you can also say you’re sleeping in a separate bed (if you live in a two-bedroom), that you’re abstaining from sex until you get married, etc. 

Pope Francis himself chose to marry some unconventional some couples, including one that had a child out of wedlock; if you have a really tough priest, you can drop that into the conversation. In my book, if it’s okay with Pope Francis, it should be okay with your priest!

Post # 29
29 posts
  • Wedding: October 2018

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luna91 :  My Fiance and I are in the process of planning our catholic wedding. We are getting married in my FI’s family parish by the preist he’s known his whole life.  The priest is also originally from my family parish, he knew we were lviing together and when filling out our paperwork he could tell we were visibly uncomfortable actually having to tell him. He just giggled at us. Th point im trying to get to is honestly, it depends on the preist and his own veiws as to wehther or not he will give you a hard time about it. We got lucky. Good Luck Bee! 

Post # 30
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

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luna91 :  It depends on the priest. If the Church regards itself as a “Catholic community” rather than a “Catholic parish”, you’re more likely to find a “progressive” priests. Bishops also tend to put different types of priests in different areas. Rural areas tend to get priests who have a tendency to rub people wrong because it’s often the only parish around. Cities get priests of a mixture, though priests who are considered very orthodox (loyal to Church teaching) but down to earth and relatable tend to be assignd to newman centers on college campuses. Granted, it does depend on how progressive/conservative/traditional/orthodox the bishop is too and how well he actually knows his priests.

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