(Closed) Cohabitating before marriage: Pros and Cons

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

  1. What were the PROS of moving in together? Learning about how each other live! Cooking together, sleeping together every night, learning how to manage finances together…many more!
  2. What were the CONS of moving in together? Learning things about him that may be weird/odd, messiness, a lot of stuff between the two of us.
  3. Is there anything you wish you had done differently? I wish we had our own place that we got together, instead of me moving into his place that he was already in. It caused a lot of bickering about the junk he’s collected over the years, and also finding a place for my things among his.
  4. How long were you together before you moved in together?

Post # 4
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

  1. What were the PROS of moving in together? We had a rough time moving in together. We had bad communication, and it took us a while to figure each other out. I think if we had waited to get married before moving in, it would have put a lot of pressure on us b/c it would be scary to be having those issues right after you get married!
  2. What were the CONS of moving in together? I guess getting judged by people for it.
  3. Is there anything you wish you had done differently? I moved in with him at the same time I started a new, stressful job. It would have been much easier to take things one at a time instead of having all that stress at once. And I wish we would have worked on communication earlier, but we learned a lot from that and haven’t had issues since.
  4. How long were you together before you moved in together?

Post # 5
Member
2406 posts
Buzzing bee

  1. What were the PROS of moving in together? Everything. We both knew we wanted to live together before getting engaged just to “make sure.” I’m glad we did. I loved seeing him every day and sharing everything. And this is kind of stupid, but I felt like it made everyone else realize how serious we were about each other. 
  2. What were the CONS of moving in together? None, the transition was seemless. It didn’t change our relationship at all. 
  3. Is there anything you wish you had done differently? Nothing I would have don differently.
  4. How long were you together before you moved in together? 11 months. We got engaged three months after moving in.

Post # 7
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

1. Pros: I got to test drive is before I bought it. Our worst fights happened when we moved in together.. growing pains. I’m glad we got everything worked out before marrying- dealing with that after the wedding would have been tough. 

2. Cons: Finances become entangled. If you want to break off the relationship it’s messy.

3. Yes and no. Things happened the way they did for a reason and we’re better for it. I wish I was a little bit more mature though.

4. Not very long, he had basically been living with me in the dorms. When his tennis scholarship was up he was going to have to move home so we got an apartment together.

Post # 8
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

 

  1. What were the PROS of moving in together? I was so burned out by all the back and forth – where to shower, where my clothes were, parking – it was ridiculous trying to see each other living in different places when our work schedules were so crazy.  It was so relaxing to know where we were going to be every night, and that all our stuff was in the same place at last. And also, very fun!
  2. What were the CONS of moving in together? I didn’t/don’t see any downsides.  There wasn’t any other way I would have gone – I can’t imagine, for myself, going from living separately to being married overnight. It just didn’t feel right or natural to do it in such a rigid way. We were ready to live together before we were ready to commit for life. 
  3. Is there anything you wish you had done differently? Not really – we were very gradual about pooling our finances, and still haven’t done that completely (we’ll be married in a few months.)  We split the rent and weren’t very detailed about who bought groceries, etc – kept money completely separate.  I guess it would have been easier if we’d merged sooner, but it took me a while to get comfortable with that. Once we decided we were definitely getting married, it was eaiser. 
  4. How long were you together before you moved in together? About a year and a half.  

Post # 9
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

What were the Pros of moving in together? Learning each others’ quirks, bad habits, getting all of the household type fights out of the way early on, spending every night together, getting to hang out all the time

Cons of moving in together? Nothing that I can think of.

What would you have done differently? Nothing!

How long were you together before you moved in? 1 year, 5 months…and we got engaged about 2.5 years later

Post # 10
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

  1. What were the PROS of moving in together?

We were able to learn how to “live” with each other and our annoying habits and idiosyncrasies before marriage, so we entered into the marriage with confidence.

We had an established household by the time our wedding rolled around. So there was no stress related to having a wedding and moving at the same time.

Because we lived together, we got to spend a lot more time together than we would have at separate apartments.

Pratically speaking, we saved a ton of money by only paying one rent, and one set of utility bills instead of two.

  1. What were the CONS of moving in together?

Our family didn’t approve of us living together, so it made things a bit uncomfortable at times (such as having to lie to my super traditional grandparents about it for over a year!)

Double edged sword, because although we learned a lot about each other before the marriage ny living together, it ended up playing tricks with my mind. I would think, “omg he left the dishes in the sink, does he think I’m a 50’s housewife? Is this how our whole marriage will be?” Little things became way bigger than they should have been and we argued a lot because of it. We worked it out, and have a better system in place now, although it’s a continual work in progress.

  1. Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

I wish we would have established some “house rules” before we moved into together, mostly connected with chores and keeping things clean. The husband is a pig, but he used to be an even bigger one. Getting him to quit being a mama’s boy and do some laundry has been a challenge to say the least.

I would have established a joint checking account right from the get go, each of us putting in enough money to cover the bills and then maintaing our separate accounts. It has been a huge pain in the ass every month writing two checks to every single bill.

  1. How long were you together before you moved in together?

onsecutively

Post # 11
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

  1. What were the PROS of moving in together? Saving money.  We were already practically living together and spending every day together.
  2. What were the CONS of moving in together? None.  We moved in and were engaged the same month so there wasn’t anything to find out.  I guess just finding out that he really doesn’t clean the bathroom or vaccuum. ๐Ÿ™‚
  3. Is there anything you wish you had done differently? I don’t think so. 
  4. How long were you together before you moved in together? 7.5 months

 

Post # 12
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

ok so my last answer got completely cut off, but it 3 years before we moved in together

Post # 13
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

What were the PROS of moving in together?

We’ve been living together for about 3 years now and it’s been a great learning experience. We’ve learned each other quirks, figured out how to manage joint finances, figured out how to split up domestic duties – chores, grocery shopping, dog walking etc., and helped us get to know one another much better. Besides, it’s awesome to know that I’m going home to my best friend, especially at the end of a long day.

What were the CONS of moving in together?

My parents weren’t too happy about it in the beginning but they’ve adjusted. Looking back though, I think it might have delayed our engagement since both of us were comfortable where we were in the relationship. And for a little while when I was a waiting bee I wanted to bite his head off whenever I would come home to dishes in the sink or he would ask me what was for dinner, or if the apartment was a mess and he was sitting on the couch playing video games. And then I’d think – does he really expect me to pick up after him? Is this what he expects out of a wife? And then I started to resent doing things because I would think ‘Well, the least he could do is put a ring on it. Sheesh’

So yeah, definitely talk about household chores and what your domestic standard of living is at the outset. It’ll save some much aggravation later. Trust.

Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

Not one little thing. It was the best decision for us at the time and it’s worked out amazingly well.

How long were you together before you moved in together?

We were together for 6 years before we moved in. Lived together for 3 years before we were engaged in March.

Post # 14
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

  1. What were the PROS of moving in together? getting to live together ๐Ÿ™‚ the year before we moved in together, we lived in separate apartments 3 blocks away from each other and so basically both lived in both places, which sucked because a) we paid double rent, b) we had to deal with roomate issues at his place and c) it just sucks when you leave stuff at one place and then need it at the other place
  2. What were the CONS of moving in together? I can’t really think of any! I love living with him, and luckily now that we’re married I get to for the rest of our lives ๐Ÿ™‚ if you break up for some reason, it could be complicated, but if you’re confident in the relationship and on the same page, I don’t see a downside.
  3. Is there anything you wish you had done differently? not really. I wanted to move in together sooner but we were both locked into leases; I wish I’d been more patient maybe
  4. How long were you together before you moved in together?

Post # 15
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

 

    1. What were the PROS of moving in together? Saving money, Fiance gets to pursue his education of choice, maximum sexytimes.
    2. What were the CONS of moving in together? Having to pick up my stuff. 
    3. Is there anything you wish you had done differently? I wish I had been born a person who was good at picking up her stuff.
    4. How long were you together before you moved in together?

    *HOLY MOLY WEDDINGBEE PLEASE GET YOUR ISH TOGETHER! SERIOUSLY. JUST SUCK IT UP AND HIRE SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY’RE DOING.

    As I was saying, we moved in together after college for a year, then were LDR on and off for the year after that, and we’ve lived together for the past couple of years and everything is just peachy.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2463 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    whoa it cut my last answer off! we were together for 2 years when we moved in

    The topic ‘Cohabitating before marriage: Pros and Cons’ is closed to new replies.

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