- 3 years ago
My boyfriend and I (both 30) want to move in together but are not engaged/married. We’ve been together for 5 years. I’ve always lived at home and was raised with wonderful parents who are very traditional/religious (catholic) and I never really did anything in my life to go against their values/traditions. Boyfriend on the other hand grew up with a rough childhood and parents separated when his father cheated. He always made choices that made him happy despite what others think.
Anyway, we see a future together and engagement/marriage is on his mind, however, he’s had past experiences living with 2 girlfriends before and was thankful he did not marry them. He feels that we need to live together first to ensure compatability. Me, on the other hand, do not mind living together before marriage, although, it is not necessary for me. But I’m also at this point in my life where I want to move out of Home and be independent. I don’t want to room with random strangers on Craigslist, and being from the Bay Area it’s too expensive to rent by myself, so I’d rather just move in with him.
The thing is however, going against my parents is causing me a lot of stress. I did talk to both of my parents about this and they were extremely upset. They said things like, what will other people think, you’ll ruin our family reputation, we feel so shameful, and you’re the one that’s going to get hurt in the end because you’re a girl etc.
My mom said she would be okay as long as I’m at least engaged. However, I don’t like the idea of forcing a proposal on my boyfriend just because my parents feel like it’s the “right” steps.
Anyways, despite talking to them about my views and intentions, I’m still fearful of ruining my relationship with my parents once I actually make the move. On the other hand though, as a 30 year old woman, it also hurts my confidence that I can’t even make decisions for myself because of my parents values/traditions.
Anyone with similar experience? Did you move out against their wishes anyway and did your parents get over it?