Cohabitation and disapproval from traditional Catholic parents

posted 3 years ago in Traditions
Post # 31
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I moved in with my now-FI right out of college. My mom wasn’t happy at all. My brother moved back home after he graduated the year before, got engaged, and they didn’t live together until marriage. I guess she wanted me to do the same. Fiance and I were semi long-distance throughout college which sucked. We knew we wanted to move in together. 

I’m pretty sure that parents don’t want this because then their child is probably having sex. But we were having sex before that, so that wouldn’t make a difference. I would do what makes you happy. They’re not going to shun you over this. I also thought it was interesting learning how my Fiance acts at home. And how our life would work (who cooks, cleans, splitting up chores)

Post # 33
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It doesn’t sound as if your boyfriend is anywhere close to proposing. You’ve been together 5 years. I’d be worried that he won’t propose once he’s got you living the “married” life with him. I’d have a serious “engagement” discussion prior to moving in.

Post # 34
Member
1906 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

We were both raised Catholic and got married at 21 and it would have totally broken our families hearts if we moved in together before marriage. I totally understand where you are coming from just be careful that if you moving in with him doesn’t meet his expectations will he break up with you

Post # 35
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

 I say go for it. Your parents won’t be upset for long if at all. 

My mum always stressed how marriage better come before babies. 

Well here I am with a baby out of wedlock (though we are together) and no ring on my finger and can’t see that happening in any hurry.

She also didn’t want me living further than down the road. I moved an hour up the motorway. No big deal to most but she’s not a keen driver so will take the long roads and won’t drive when it’s dark so we don’t see her much during the winter.

You do what you want. You don’t want to regret not doing it just because of how your parents might feel for a short while. Plus if that is how he feels, you’re making the time before you get engaged longer. For what it’s worth, I think it’s a good thing to live together before engagement as long as there is the expectation that there will be an engagement in the near future if all goes well. You don’t want to announce an engagement or get married then realise you aren’t compatible do you? Living with someone else is hard and not everyone can live together well. 

Post # 36
Member
3022 posts
Sugar bee

Too many red flags. He’s 30, you’ve been together 5 years, and he doesn’t know if he wants to marry you yet?? Now he wants to “test you out” by moving in together. Sounds like he’s never going to propose & just convince you to play wife while never getting that title.

Post # 37
Member
976 posts
Busy bee

If they love you, they will eventually get over it. 

Post # 38
Member
7323 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t consider it a red flag at all. I would not marry or get engaged to someone I had not lived with. It’s VERY easy for people to hide things from their partner when they aren’t living together, and I’m a firm believer that you don’t really know someone until you’re with them 24/7. 

I went to a very conservative Christian college (which I transferred out of!). In my experience the people who didn’t live together before marriage are the same people who also wouldn’t get divorced for ANY reason, so a trail run was moot. They all suck up the crappy aspects of their spouse because it’s just “how things are”. 

You are 30 years old. It’s time to be an adult and make your own decisions. I can see that you obviously don’t want to upset your parents but this is YOUR life. I can’t help but laugh when I hear people say “what will everyone think”. Ummm…..it’s no ones business where you live. Provided you aren’t making some giant facebook announcement that you’re shacking up, no one is even going to know!

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