(Closed) Cold feet 1 month after engagement?!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

During my engagement I definitely walked a mile (or ten) in the OMG-where-are-these-jitters-coming-from?!? shoes. I ordered “The Conscious Bride” and another book called “Emotionally Engaged,” which I did find to be somewhat helpful. My big hangup was the fear of losing my identity and my “old self,” and not being able to maintain my independence after marriage. It just about tore me up! I was 32, I had my own house that I had decorated exactly how I wanted, I had my own routine that I liked, dammit, and I didn’t want any of that to change. However, I knew that I absolutely wanted to marry my DH, so I had some tough work to do in order to reconcile that with the fact that the idea of marriage changing my entire life. It’s still kind of hard at times and I have my moments. I think the best thing about those books is that they help you to see that all of these feelings are totally normal and don’t necessarily mean you are doomed if you go ahead with the engagement. I was afraid I might be making a huge mistake because I wasn’t all happy-happy joy-joy. Nobody ever talks about feelings like these. I tried to confide in my mom once but that did not end well–she really didn’t want me to get married, even though she never would come out and admit it, and she sort of seized on my confusion as an opportunity to try and convince me that my not-so-fuzzy feelings meant I should postpone the wedding. I did end up getting married (obviously) and have zero regrets, but I really wish everybody had the guts to acknowledge that the engagement period is a huge transition in a woman’s life and sometimes fear/anxiety/nervousness comes along with that. And it’s totally OK! 

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