(Closed) Cold feet?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Have you tried counseling (both premartial and financial)? That may help you get on the same page. Maybe he is depressed about being in a rut and not telling you. Sometimes people get depressed and begin to feel unmotivated. He may need to see a therapsit too.

Post # 4
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree with Trugem.  It sounds like you guys may need to talk explicitly about plans for the future and make sure your goals mesh, or have the potential to mesh.  Maybe if you see a counselor, that person can help you have this discussion so that he doesn’t shut down.  Good luck….!

Post # 6
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time!  Marriage is about sharing a life and a friendship- you need to be able to share these feelings with your fi before it’s too late.  A divorce costs way more than a wedding!!!  

I am no expert, but if you can’t talk about it face-to-face, maybe you could write your feelings out?  Hav you tried writing it all down, and having him read it?  Maybe then you will be able to share your nerves and anxieties, along with your loving thoughts and feelings.  Just a thought.

I definitly reccomend seeing a therapist- if not the both of you, then just you.  It may help to clear your mind.  There is nothing worse then worrying.  And remember- we are here for you!!!

Post # 7
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

From what you have said…it isn’t necessarily about the money (though that is sort of what the issue has become) but instead it is more about a problem with communication.  I would work on opening up the lines of communication and once you can both talk and get everything on the table, you can address the issues of money and motivation and goals for the future.  I agree with you that you should have some goals set together or at least a common view of what you think the future will hold for you two, but it is extremely hard to get to the point of making such goals if the communication is not happening.  If you cannot get the answers you need, then you have to consider what is best for you, but you have to talk to him about this first.  He needs to understand your side of things or else you will not be able to move forward and resolve this together.  Good luck 🙂

Post # 10
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Sorry to hear you are in this space at the moment. But it is a moment, it will pass 🙂

 

With regards to communicating, can you do something that he enjoys and then perhaps try speaking to him then? On his terriroty if you like. So go to HIS fav restaurant, if he enjoys hiking then go on a walk, if he likes cars then do it on a drive. idk, I think that if he sees you making an effort and putting yourself out there then he may reciprocate

Post # 11
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My fiance and I are not greaet at communicating either… I would love to hear suggestions too…

Sorry you are feeling this way, I think those of us who get married after being together a really long time are past the “infatuation” stage and therefore a bit of the “romance of the wedding” is gone, in comparison to those who have been together a short time and still look at each other all goo goo gaga. : ) lol

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