(Closed) Cold Feet

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t have the best advice in the world but a simple question…

How would you feel without him?

 

Post # 5
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Deep breath – It sounds to me like you are letting wedding stress get to you both.  Sometimes when life is taking a radical change our brains go all haywire.  Marriage is a forever thing, and it is terrifying.  My guy and I were legal wed last year (really long story) and having our church wedding this year.  On the way to the legal joining, I swear I wanted to scream and cry for the car to turn around and I remember feeling that way for weeks leading up to it.  Thank God that I didn’t listen to the panick going on in my head.  Yes, we had quite a few disagreements leading up to the joining and that was really unusual for us, and we haven’t since.  Most of it was taking the panick in our heads and projecting it onto one another.

The family situations may completely change once the wedding is over.  I really thought that his family really didn’t like me and were giving me the critical eye in the months leading up to the then “wedding”, but now, they embrace me with open arms.  I even talk to his sisters more than he does and they really TALK to me, about sister kind of stuff.

I would take a step back and let yourself breath and realize that wedding is a huge change for everyone and most people really dislike or freakishly react to chang.   Keep the “D” word out of your mind, and remember, this is the man’s hands are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch

Post # 7
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Ellabellaxo: wow I totally didn’t realize it was that late until you mentioned the time… =( Do you know where he is or what he’s doing?

Post # 8
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Ellabellaxo:  I am really sorry you are going thru this.  Do his friends have alot of influence?  I see alot of pre wedding male groups come into my bar and I swear I have heard it a thousand times “You don’t have that much longer to party, you know the party is over once you tie the knot”

Ok, usually it is said alot more derogitory than that, but you get the gist.

Can you see yourself old with this man?  Do you know in the bottom of your heart that you would not look back with regret if you left?

And, I think if you were to cancel, your parents would be upset but they would also be ok.  Parents just want to see us happy and settled with someone who loves us, not miserable in a regretted marriage.

Post # 11
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think that cancelling the wedding is a big jump. Have you guys had any wedding counseling? That may help get issues talked about while avoiding an argument.

Post # 12
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Ellabellaxo:  Give it 24 hours, take the emotion out of your thoughts, then sit down and talk to him.  He needs to hear how you are perceiving him right now.  Maybe it might just take you pointing out the changes you have seen to see them himself.  Or, sit down and write him a letter, for some strange reason, I have found that men respond well to letters.  Maybe it is because they don’t have to deal with the emotions in their faces, I don’t know why really, IMO they just respond better to letters.

My FH was going through a really hard time with his ex and kids a few years ago.  Sever depression set in, and he was totally out of character for almost two years.  Fortunately, I knew the person that he was before, even though it was buried deep at the time.  It took me coming close to leaving him to snap him straight, he realized that he was harming his future happiness and it didn’t take long until I saw the happy wonderful man that I knew shining back through.

I also think that maybe you should call a counselor or a pastor, maybe just talking through your fears with a professional will help you decide if it is just cold feet or something deeper.

Post # 14
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

im sorry your going through this but maybe he is just trying to get away from the stress of wedding stuff. my fi gets like that. we go on boyfriend and girlfirend dates sometimes. they are dates where we dont talk ANYTHING wedding. like the wedding dosent exist and its not gonna happen so we dont take our wedding stress with us. when we are finished with our date its back to businnes with planning and DIYing. maybe you guys just need a “no wedding night” where it dosent exist and its just you and him focused on eachother too. i hope for your sake it helps i know it helps us but we do it every few weeks so we both dont get burnt out.

Post # 15
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If he cares about your feelings and desires, and you really want counseling, I don’t see why he won’t go. Thats unfair to you, and hopefully he realizes that.  I am sorry you are going through this. Hopefully everything works out.

Post # 16
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Edited – I don’t think I was leaving you good advice with the thought I was going to leave

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