(Closed) Cold Feet?

posted 5 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@ashxcaitlyn:  “He says he doesn’t like to plan things in advance,” but he proposes six years before he wants to get married?  It doesn’t sound like he’s serious about wanting to be married at all.  If being married is important to you, it sounds like it’s time to move on.

Post # 4
Member
12249 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I once dated a guy who said we were engaged “in his heart”, and he’d get me a real ring “eventually”. When we broke up, he admitted that he had no intention of ever “really” proposing.

Maybe it’s time you cut your losses? I just don’t think he really wants to get married…

Post # 7
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This does NOT look good. I thought my Fiance would want to wait 3-4 years for us to get marries but surprised me by agreeing to my dream date. He encourages me to plan. This shows me he WANTS this.

I am very sorry, but I dont think your Fiance wants this

Post # 9
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sorry to hear that this happened.  I agree, it does NOT sound like he wants to get married. 

I don’t think it would be good to try to talk him into getting married when he is reluctant about it.  I think it’s good that he was honest about not wanting to get married instead of just going along with it when he didn’t really feel it was right. I’ve heard of other people who got married even though they didn’t really feel it was right and they ended up divorced. 

I saw in your other post that you two are high school sweethearts. I wonder if maybe he’s afraid of committing because he’s afraid that he is “missing out” on something even though there isn’t anything wrong with your relationship. Sometimes that happens when people haven’t dated much. 

In any case, I think you need to decide if your relationship with him is good enough that you don’t mind giving him more time, or if you would rather try to find another guy who is more interested in getting married in the near future. I don’t think it would be a good idea to try to get this guy to agree to get married right now. 

Post # 10
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ashxcaitlyn:  *hugs* I really hope you guys work it out. And no matter what happens YOU are going to be ok

Post # 13
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ashxcaitlyn:  ok, so it seems you guys are BOTH really young, and thats ok. Men need time to mature & become comfortable with all that marriage entails.

Did you guys talk about marriage before he proppsed? Realistically. 

Post # 15
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ashxcaitlyn:  I don’t really know what the right advice is, but I agree with your point that you don’t have to have everything figured out when you get married. I think you should know that you are able to support yourself and know that you are generally on the same page, but as you already said- you have an apartment and are taking care of it and paying for the wedding yourself, it seems.

I think too often we assume that we need to have what our parents have right now, the moment we get married (the house, the cars, etc.). In reality, though, our parents had to work for those things. My parents did not own a house until I was 13 or 14 ( I am the first child-there are  4 in the family) because of the military (and money). They lived in base housing or little rent houses for a long time, before they were finally able to settle into a house that was their own.  

Maybe he thinks you won’t be happy without the house and all of those things? Maybe explain to him what you said about not having to have it all figured out–I think that is going to be part of the fun for us. 

I am not saying you should push him if he’s not ready, but maybe just explain your feelings about not having to be “established.” 

Post # 16
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree that you do not need your whole life settled before you propose, get married, have a baby. these things can and will come when they come. To me, as long as you can support yourselves, pay the rent on time and LOVE EACH OTHER then you can get married….IF…Everyone has good credit. CREDIT is the way to getting a nice house and a nice car. Check your credit scores. My Fiance and I are working to get our credit scores higher before we get married, that way we will be on a better track towards owning our own home (super American Dream) in a few years. 

There will never be a perfect time.

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