Post # 1
So the wedding is a little under 6 weeks away, and I am excited but I am also having some serious cold feet. I love my Fiance very much and I cannot see my life with anybody else. But I’ve always been a little upset that his best man/best friend isn’t exactly the most fond of me. If you see one of my previous posts, he sort of acts like a jealous ex-girlfriend when it comes to my Fiance. But I still respect him regardless, we did have one big argument that resulted in him deleting me off social media, which deep down inside I was happy about being he never liked a single photo of me and my Fiance anyways. So, as the wedding approches I can’t help but feel bitter, I’m starting to stress about the future. Will his best friend manage to make my Fiance not want to be with me anymore, will he cause problems in our relationship? I feel like I’m fighting for him with a girl or something. I have spoken to my Fiance about my feelings and he’s made it clear that I am his number one, and regardless if his best friend liked me or not it wouldn’t impact our relationship. His friend spoke to me shortly after one night when he was at our place and said we would work on our relationship to co-exisit for the same person because we “love” the same person. So basically I’m not stressing about marrying my Fiance, just worrying about his friendship impacting our relationship. It hasn’t really, it’s made for a few arguments in the past but nothing we couldn’t work through.
Am I just being super paranoid?…..I know people get cold feet but darn this is like the worst cold feet ever…..
Post # 2
You have to believe your partner when he says that you’re his priority. Why should his friendship impact your relationship? He says he’s visiting friend and you say “ok cool, have a blast!” You don’t need to visit the friend, it’ll be good for your partner to be with his friend without his wife there! I could see why you’d be worried if every arguement you have, you think your partner will bad-mouth you and the friend is going to tell your partner to get a divorce. However, I think that can be addressed with a general ‘don’t talk crap about your spouse’ clause for both of you to follow. Keep the arguments within your own relationship.
Your partners friend doesn’t need to like any posts on social media, our best man certainly doesn’t like any of our pictures together. However, having an argument and flouncing off social media is a little childish in my opinion but certainly nothing to lose sleep over. The friend has already offered to be civil to you for his friend, accept that and do the same to him.
If you’re having doubts/cold feet it has to do with something other than the friend. There’s no point projecting your feelings on to the friend because you’ll not work through any doubts and not be able to determine whether it is real doubts or just general anxiety.
Post # 3
I think it depends on why you and the friend are arguing. It’s sad to say, but also good in this case, that sometimes when you get married, you see less of your friends and more of your spouse. That may be helpful for you here.
Post # 4
queennen: The friend showed up at the house uninvited with booze, drunk and being very rude. I was caught off guard and fought with him that night. My Fiance and him fought as well but he decided he’d make amends with my Fiance but not me. I guess because I was rude, then again when someone walks into you’re home without knocking and you’re in the kitchen in you’re nightgown I wasn’t going to be very pleasent.
Post # 5
I agree with PPs. The most important thing is that your fiancee is on your side. There was some tension in some of the relationships in my life during the engagement, but it all went away after we were married. You are about to be his wife, and that is something to be respected.
ETA – I totally get the whole “Can I deal with this for the rest of my life?” cold feet thinking. I totally had that. That’s another magical thing I found about marriage! Once we were married, it turned into “Ok, here’s an issue. We have to work through this.”
Post # 6
If the friendship hasn’t really impacted your relationship in the past, I’m not sure why you are doubting your future with your Fiance. It sounds like he stands by you and puts you above his friend. It doesn’t seem like something worth worrying about to me.
Post # 7
MrsDerushie16: Oh I understand. That doesn’t seem like a complete dealbreaker to me. I would just forgive him (even if he never apologizes; hint: he won’t apologize) and move on. If he is deleting you off social media because of that, he doesn’t sound very mature anyway. Just try to be cordial and hang in there! Good luck!
Post # 8
You were ok with him deleting you off of social media because he didn’t like any of the pictures of you and your fiance?????? Am I reading that right???
I will say too though you don’t need to be BFF’s with his friends, being friendly with them and having the ability to hold a conversation is important. Have you talked to your fiance about this?
Post # 9
ljm308: Yes, I was OK with him deleting me. It was as if he wasn’t there anyways. He was one of those people who was on you’re friends list but never commented/liked anything. So, to me it wasn’t a great loss. Also, I found it VERY immature on his part. Everyone has disagreements, that doesn’t mean you delete them off social media and pretend you don’t know them. We can speak to one another, things have improved but it’s not the same for me anyways. I just fake it half the time to keep the peace. Spoken to my Fiance and he was clear to say it was childish of him and he wasn’t going to reach out to him, which he didn’t Bridesmaid or Best Man reached back out and they’ve begun speaking. My Fiance know’s my feelings and he’s made it clear he understands them.