(Closed) Cold Feet!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That is completely normal when making a big committment like this.  Just try and remember why you are getting married in the first place!  You love him and want to be with him!

Post # 4
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Take a deep breath.  Are you doing pre-marital counseling?  I think this would help tremendously. 

Post # 5
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way! It must be scary. But, I think most people at some point or another get nervous when taking such a big step in their relationship. I agree with the posters above – take a deep breath, think about why you love your partner, and maybe think about pre-marital counseling. Hugs!!! You’re not alone!

Post # 6
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’ve had a touch of this too, being 3 weeks out.  My BIG cold feet moment was when we became engaged.  I flipped… like FLIPPED!  I got counseling and took some meds to blance me out again.  It’s been a year to the day when it all happened and I am feeling SO much better now. 

Go talk to someone.  Take a breather.  Do something to connect with yourself and with him again.  It’s going to be okay!  I promise!! 

Post # 7
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think this it totally normal.  So many of us have a moment or two where we wonder if we’re doing the right thing.  The only thing I can suggest is to be conscious of the fact that you’re just looking for his flaws.  Try to think of the things that made you fall in love, the things that brought you to want this marriage.  You may not have had many fails (in relationships), but that doesn’t mean that this can’t be a success!

Post # 8
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Deep breath! It’s scary, but it’s also very common. It happens to people even when it’s not their first relationship. If you are truly happy with him and love him, that’s all you need. It’s not about having many relationships to be able to compare: all of them will have their ups and downs and will take work. Marriage is about what you have built with your SO and committing to continue building that relationship every day. It’s about choosing that person and stop searching for “better” because in fact, if you’re in a happy and healthy relationship, there will be no better and you’ll have to start from scratch every single time. The grass often seem greener on the other side, but nurturing your own grass will make it greener – if that makes any sense.

Yeah, you see his flaws; he sees yours, too. Everybody has flaws. He also has great qualities! Remember why you’re with him and why you said yes and were happy when you decided to get engaged.

Again, breathe!

(**Advice only valid if there were no serious problems in your relationship prior to engagement, that should have made you consider leaving instead of committing**)

Post # 9
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am going to be honest, but this is just my opinion- I do not know your entre situation.  However, if you are feeling this way, maybe put the wedding on delay.  I take marriage really seriously, so I think it is better to be 100% sure and wait, then go for it.  Again, I don’t know your entire situation.  I do think that it is good to date first and be 100% sure when you finally settle down.  My Grampa always told me that, and I have found it to be true the hard way. 

Again, I am not trying to influence you because I don’t know you -and you do.  Only YOU know what is best for you.  Just know that you don’t have to do anything.  Do what is best for you.  Best wishes.

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