(Closed) Cold Feet = Divorce?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Cold feet means...
    Marriage is doomed! : (6 votes)
    16 %
    Nothing... : (9 votes)
    24 %
    Seek third party help... : (2 votes)
    5 %
    Seek better socks... : (10 votes)
    27 %
    So over these scientific studies! : (10 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think the REASONS behind the anxiety are more predictive than just the anxiety in general. It’s one thing to be nervous about being the center of attention for a day, or even just the big change that marriage brings.  But, it’s another to worry if this guy is right for you since you can’t stand the fact he drinks every night or gambles all your money away.

    Post # 4
    Member
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think it depends on WHAT your anxious about before marriage. If you’re anxious about whether your husband is the right guy, then I think that’s a warning sign. If you’re anxious about whether the wedding will go okay and your caterer will show up, this is normal.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1691 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @MrsWBS:  exactly.  The first time around, I was anxious – and I should have listened to it.  I was anxious because I was saying forever, and saying it at 21.  Was I really wanting to be with this one guy my WHOLE life?  Was I ready to sleep with only this one guy forever, and was I sure I really really loved him like I should to be marrying him.  I went through with it, and we separated 2 yrs later.  I did get my daughter out of it, so I can’t complain too much!

    This time I’m anxious, the wedding is 4 days away.  Not once have I had those same thoughts, I’m just anxious because I’m concerned about everything going as planned, about forgetting something.  Not about marrying this man.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5965 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I honestly can’t say what it’s indiciative of….perhapse the mounting pressure of a large wedding and all the moving parts coming together, the bridal party and their many foibles, the parents, the venue, your dress, your hair….I don’t know, it would make sense to be worked up…but I can tell you I never had a doubt going in, not for a minute.

    Post # 8
    Member
    8042 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @subtlebee:  I think it really depends. I am a very anxious person and I worry about everything. I’ve been dealing with it my whole life.

    I fixate on something and then analyze it to death.

    Yes, of course I’ve worried whether my SO and I are right for each other or if we’ll divorce. I don’t think this means we’re doomed necessarily… it just means that I worry about anything and everything.

    I don’t have any concerns like he drinks or gambles or cheated on me or anything like that.

    I just have anxiety in general. I don’t have a crystal ball. I don’t know if one or both of us will change. I know many people who have divorced.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I  think it really depends. If you’re truly questioning if you should be marrying this person, if you’re a good match, if you love them enough, your happiness with this specifc person then a it’s a good chance there are underlying issues to begin with.  

    A marriage can have issues prior to the wedding and end up being a lasting, loving and happy marriage. It depends on how much a couple is willing to put into the relationship. All relationships take work: communication, trust, respect, compromise. The majority of problems can be worked out, as long as the desire to put in the effort is there. 

    Divorces happy for many reasons, the main one being the couple stopped working on their relationship.

    Post # 11
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I voted…

    I am so over these scientific studies!

    Not everything in life can be explained.  Somethings just are.

    Because we are human, because there are over 6 Billion of us on the planet… and each of us different from one another.  Because humans are unpredictable, and we can and do make mistakes from time to time.

    I truly believe that ALL Couples have some moments of self-doubt and examination before they get married… to not have them would be scary in itself.

    Certainly the more you have, then the more that there would be RED FLAGS

    BUT, as an Encore Bride, I know first hand that Marriage can be tough

    We hang all our hopes, dreams and LOVE ON ONE PERSON FOREVER…

    That is tons of pressure

    Particularly so, that for most of us this something we choose to do when we are quite young (in our 20s and 30s) and in many ways haven’t fully formed ourselves.

    People change… situations change.  Life is like that…

    What makes one marriage more successful than another I believe is the commitment that two people have to “working things out”

    BUT even that isn’t always enough.  As they say… SH!T Happens !!

    With the current Divorce Rates at aprox 40%… and here in Canada where almost 50% of all individuals are choosing to not marry (Live Alone – Date – Live Common Law) being married and staying married is statistically even harder… lets face it “the odds” are not stacked in anyone’s favour if they want to be married, or remain married.

    I think all that one can be certain of is THIS MOMENT IN TIME

    And go from there.

    Divorce isn’t great by any means (this coming from someone who had a HORRIFIC Divorce)…

    BUT it isn’t the end of the world either.  Life can and does go on afterwards.

    You have to make the best of what cards you’ve been given in life.  Don’t like the cards… draw some more, quit the game, or give up gambling.  Lol.

     

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