Cold feet? Legit concerns? LONG.

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
585 posts
Busy bee

To be honest, I can’t help but think that you’re a rebound relationship for him. Sorry. It’s strange that he didn’t want to let go of her stuff. I don’t suppose you know exactly what happened between them that he gets so angry when you bring her up? 

The sex I don’t think that is a huge deal. I think it’s normal to go through occasional dry spells and libidos change with age. But the fact that you can’t talk when he’s upset, that’s huge. Marriage won’t be all smooth sailing. What will happen if he loses his job, somebody in his family gets sick or passes away, etc? Are you going to tiptoe around hard issues for the rest of your life? 

Also, regarding hobbies, I hope that his unwillingness to travel won’t stop you from doing it by yourself. I’m sure you’re a wonderful and interesting person so don’t take that away from yourself. Don’t let your love for a man take away part of who you are. 

Post # 17
3016 posts
Sugar bee

I had an ex-bf who was very weird about his ex-gf. It turned out he was still madly in love with her, and she was like “meh”. I think finding out the details of what happened might help you decide what to do. His reactions are so extreme, but the fact that he is no contact with her while she is reaching out to you and his mom makes me think the probem is her and not your FI. My husband has certain things that he just is not comfortable talking about, and it bothers me, but I deal with it. I guess if you at least know the truth behind it, it might put your mind at ease or will tell you if its a dealbreaker.

Post # 18
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I just read that, in a study about attitudes toward marriage, 30% of divorced women said they knew on their wedding day that they were marrying the wrong person. I wish I could remember where I read that, but the idea struck me as probably accurate. I think a lot of people get married with the hope that the relationship will improve, but I’m of the mind that before you get married you should be able to look at your relationship for the past three months or so and think: “If this is our relationship at 100%—if it never got better than this and, at times, was worse than this—then I would be happy.”

Post # 19
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I’m really surprised at the number of people saying this isn’t a big enough deal to cancel a wedding over.  As someone mentioned earlier, if this is your sex life now, imagine the inevitable nonexistence of any sex life at all later.  is that the marriage you want?  the communication you’re describing sounds like a HUGE issue to me.  not irrepairable but why put yourself through that?  by your own admission you’re not even that into him it appears that what you’re most upset about is that you let it get this far and would now have to endure the embarrassment of cancelling a wedding at the last minute.  yes, it’s gona SUCK.  probably one of the worst years of your life to follow.  but I promise promise promise, it’ll be so much more worth it to go through that, than god knows how long of a miserable marriage and possible/probable divorce.  even worse if any future kids get involved.  go with your gut on this one.  and I’m totally team “run away-live abroad-find yourself” <3

Post # 20
1451 posts
Bumble bee

anonybee321123 :  Honestly, you just don’t sound happy in the relationship. There are  hobbies I have that DH doesnt share with me, but supports me and like wise. I will still go to his hobbies so we are together. The lack of romance as you will to me is a bit of a red flag. I understand people don’t do it that much but we are now in the month of May and 3 times? Really? As you put it, it sounds like you guys are roommates/friends. Maybe the whole ex thing is a blessing? I think its weird that he kept her stuff after 2 years after they were together. Also weird she left all the stuff too. I know MIL and both SIL are friends with DH ex on fb and it took me forever to get over it. I just find it disrepectful. I dont know be, I think before you pay that big bill you really think about the reasons of moving forward. If you were happy you would have never posted on this board. That shows you are questioning it. Could it be cold feet? Maybe, but you brought up a lot of items in the beginning I think that makes you unhappy and you are focused on the ex part to stare away from the real reasons which you listed above. Honestly, I would maybe post pone the wedding and really think things out. Weddings are very expansive and divorce can be ugly. Can you see your self like this 5 years from now? How does that make you feel? I hope you work everything out. Good luck.

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