(Closed) Cold feet (long sorry..)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yep lol.  I can get into that frantic what if mode sometimes.  It’s pretty overwhelming.  Commitment is scary.  Any change is scary.  Just relax and take a few days off from wedding planning and spend a little quality time with your Fiance.  My guess is that you’ll have loads of fun together and you’ll remember all the reasons why you want to marry him.

Post # 4
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think as women we tend to over think things ALOT. ut in you post you’re saying that you feel “emotionally pushed.” That’s not a good way to start this marriage. i think you should think long and hard about why you feel the way you do.

We all take risks in life but you need to have faith that your Fiance and you can do it, make it through the hurdles and succeed in this relationship. We all feel the scare of OMG “i’m getting married.” To be honest, I feel it too sometimes but my Fiance and I have had our highs and our really lows.

Just have faith and embrace the wedding. Just go with the flow and enjoy it!

**HUGS**

Post # 5
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Foof.

It seems like you have a lot of anxiety about the wedding and marriage in general swirling around, but are sure about your Fiance and that he’s the one for you.  That, to me, is good.

Engagement isn’t just about taking time to plan a wedding, it’s when we consciously adjust to the idea that we’re about to be partnered for life.  Marriage as a concept can take some getting used to, so I wouldn’t hesitate to ask for more time if that’s what you need to really think through your anxieties and address them properly.  Have you considered seeing a counsellor (alone or with your FI), to talk through these feelings? 

I had a lot of the same fears, and it helped me to remember that 99.9 percent of your marriage is within your control as a couple.  Provided you take the time and energy to really work on the foundation of your relationship, the inevitable hard times won’t pose a threat.

It was also helpful to remember that, yeah, never getting married means never getting hurt.  But it also means you’ve let fear determine a major part of your life.

Post # 7
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know you have had to call off an engagement before, as I just did.  So, you understand what the ‘it doesn’t feel right’ feelings are.

This sounds like a lot of anxious worrying.  If you’re asking yourself future questions like ‘what ifs’ and ‘shoulds’, then that is your anxiety at work. That doesn’t mean it’s right to marry, or wrong, but it just means this is you and not so much him.  Have you checked out ‘The Conscious Bride’ or ‘Emotionally Engaged’?  Both have websites that might help you.  Perhaps see if there is a counselor you can go to, by yourself, to sort out why you are feeling this way?

Also, if you feel like it’s going too fast, maybe it is.  Have you discussed postponing until you feel ready/secure?  There is no shame in that.  Why go in feeling uncertain and anxious? 

Lastly, take some time to just breathe.  List reasons why you love your Fi and why this is right (or wrong) for you at this time.  Best wishes.

Post # 8
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

The language you use to describe the situation worries me. “I am pretty sure I want to marry him” and “I allowed him to buy me a ring”. Doubts are very natural but you seem to be very confused and like you are going along with it to make him happy. Be sure you are also making yourself happy. A lot of people have recommended The Conscientious Bride. I have checked it out when I had doubts myself and it helped. Taking a break from wedding planning to just enjoy each other is a great idea as well. Good luck.

Post # 11
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hey I am a June 18 bride too!

I am getting cold feet too. I was full of energy when I started planning my wedding back in Nov, 2010. Bit now I am like : whatever…who cares about the details as long as WE are happy together.

At some point I kept wondering if this is the right time to go into marriage. I am only engaged for half a year, I just got a new job, I haven’t start my master degree program, I don’t want to have kid in about 1 or 2 years….etc.

But I know I want to marry him and why waste my time stressing out?

Talk to him and let him know how you feel. Everything will work out eventually. Sometimes we just think too much and overlook the big picture.

Take care!

Post # 12
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I think cold feet is pretty normal, I feel like women are discouraged from talking about it.  It is a huge change in your life and a HUGE commitment.  I think I will always have cold feet hehe.  I never even wanted to get married until I met my Fiance so I know how you feel.  But, I can’t see myself with anyone else so I know it’ll be okay.  It’s been 6 years together for us and I still get excited when I know I get to see him.  If you know in your heart you’re supposed to be with him, everything will work out…at least that’s my theory.  Happy planning!

Post # 14
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It sounds like there is a lot of stress going on right now which might make you think you aren’t ready to be married.  But like some other bees, I am worried about the language you use – probably, etc.

What if you got married or had a ceremony in your home country – that way your best friends could be part of your day?  It doesn’t have to be elaborate, even just a small dinner party but then make it a “wedding” by hiring a photographer and spending the day getting ready with your girls.  That might make you feel better about your friends being part of your day.

Remember, this isn’t just a wedding, it’s a lifetime of commitment and if you’re afraid you’re rushing things, that is something you might want to look into.  I would suggest some kind of marriage counselling.  Best of luck!!  Hugs!

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