(Closed) Cold feet!!! Need advice!!!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would suggest holding off on planning for a while.  You can just kind of try on the roll of fiance for a while to see if you’re ready for it.  I think setting a date and planning right away will just make you freak out more.  Give it a month or two and then see how you feel.

Post # 4
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

There’s nothing wrong with a long engagement. It’s a big step in life… You don’t want to rush into this with any reservations.

Post # 5
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree, It would probably be good to hold off on the planning and just see how you like being engaged and enjoy it if you can =) Good luck I hope you can figure things out!

Post # 6
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You are really young and getting married would probably be jumping the gun, especially if you don’t feel ready yet.

My only advice is to buy the book “The Conscious Bride” and see if perhaps what you are feeling is just jitters.. but to me it sounds like you’re not ready.

Post # 7
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

There’s nothing wrong with a long engagement. It’s a big step in life… You don’t want to rush into this with any reservations.

Post # 8
Member
4804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think you’re alone.  I have heard that men get really nervous about an engagement, and for women it’s more the marriage.  I would suggest a long engagement until you feel more comfortable with the idea.  It doesn’t mean you love him any less, it’s a big step and you want to enjoy it!

Post # 9
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t believe the age 22 is too young to marry, but if you’re not mentally or emotionally ready, then I believe it’s best for you to hold off on the planning.  I agree with PPs.  You need to see how you feel in a few months.  Best of luck to you.

Post # 11
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What are you scared about? Honestly, if the thought of wedding planning makes you “terrified”…that is your heart telling you a message that something is not right there. When all is right in your relationship, you are planning for a joyous occasion, not something to be dreaded.

I was in a very similar spot as you. I was 22, had been dating my college boyfriend for four years, and I had sensed that a proposal was on the way. The thought of getting married to him made me nervous/scared (even though I did love him), and I ultimately broke things off with him. There was just nowhere for our relationship to go other than marriage, and if I was scared of the idea of marrying him, he wasn’t the right one. SO…I enjoyed six months of young-wonderful-early-20s-single life (most fun I’ve ever had!), dated a guy for a couple years, ended things with him and did the single thing again, and now I’m engaged to MR. RIGHT. No doubt about it–no worries and no terror.

I have no idea about the details of your situation…just wanted to give you the advice to think long and hard about why you might be feeling the way you do.

Post # 12
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

@TRM: Oh I feel for you, I really do! And, I am not commenting to scare the crap out of you, just to give you some honest perspective.

SLOW EVERYTHING DOWN. I am not going to say you’re too young to get married, but I am going to say there is no rush to get married.  The reason you’re scared is because this is like, ‘holy s**t, I am about to commit to this person for the rest of my life!’.  This is serious business.  No wonder you’re a little scared.  It’s OK.

Second, and as a previous poster mentioned, pick up ‘The Conscious Bride’ and check out Conscious-Transitions.com.  It can really validate if your feeling are normal, of if there is something more you need to look into.  It truly helped me to determine if my anxiety was OK, or if there were things in my relationship that needed serious tending to.  In my case, it was both, and therefore decided to take a step back from the relationship to sort things out.

Best wishes to you!

Post # 14
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I seriously freaked out when the ring was on my finger. I’d been pushing for engagement for awhile but it was so different once that ring was on my finger. It was like WHOAAAAAAAA! I’m never going to:

  1. Go out with other guys
  2. Feel the jittery does-he-like-me-too feelings like at the beginning of a relationship
  3. Kiss another guy
  4. Sleep with another guy
  5. Flirt with another guy
  6. Go on another first date

And a lot more. It’s not that I want to do those things, but I was 19 when we got engaged, and it was really overwhelming to think about. I know my fiance is the right guy for me. He’s just amazing, there aren’t even words to describe how I feel about him.

Getting engaged is a huge step, feeling jittery and anxious In My Humble Opinion, is normal. Just take a couple of months to get used to it before you dive into planning. And remember, not everybody is super into planning so if you aren’t, it’s okay. I’m definitely not that into planning (was really hoping to elope) but our wedding is going to be VERY small and very simple. We’ve been engaged six and a half months and have done very little planning. It’s been nice to enjoy the engagement.

In your heart of hearts, you’ll be able to tell if it’s nervousness about the engagement or nervousness about the relationship. Good luck!

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