- 5 years ago
I really need some help and advice after what has been an awful few days.
Background – with fiancé for 4.5 years, engaged for 6 months. Wedding date set, venue booked, dress purchased, all going well.
The last week he has been off, nothing big, just not himself. I pushed him to talk to me this weekend, and he finally admitted he was having doubts about the wedding and us – he felt where as I was very excited about plans etc he didn’t care, and worried sometimes we didn’t have enough in common. Overall he was worried it wasn’t right.
I was shocked, after all he had proposed, he wanted all this and only a few weeks before told me he couldn’t imagine being with anyone else and how much he loved me.
I said what happens now, do we forget the wedding and work on things, or just split? He said he didn’t want me waiting around for him, so maybe best to split.
Before this I had obviously been shaken, crying and in shock, but I had a moment of dignity and just said ok then. That’s it, it is over. And said I was going to call my parents to tell them what had happened.
As soon as I said this he said no, wait! So I sat, we talked more, he told me he was sorry and he loved me and wanted to work it out. I said I thought we could be better together, ways we could be happier like making more time for each other and said maybe we spend a bit of time, put the wedding on hold and then see how we feel.
Everything then seemed ok – we had a nice day together, went out for a meal, everything was normal. The next day we went out for lunch but as we sat, I got this overwhelming worry and sadness. I didn’t know what was going to happen, I didn’t want to be waiting for him to decide if I was good enough for him, or if we should split.
So we talked again, I said this was how I was feeling and he said he was sorry but he didn’t feel that much – he was sorry he upset me but he didn’t feel much emotion over what was happening and that worried him. So I said I needed some time, and I was going for a walk on my own. I spent an hour in the park talking to a friend on the phone, and then was walking back and ran in to him – he had come out to find me. He was crying, saying he was sorry and he wanted it to work between us, he would try to make it better.
After that we again had a normal nice night together.
I am so confused – I know the wedding is officially off but I can’t help but feel this is temporary – I think he is down in himself and possibly depressed and what would be a little bit of cold feet has escalated in his head. I don’t want to sound like I am in denial, but I believe he has some kind of depression that is causing this (there are other factors in play). I know in my heart he did not feel this way before, but I don’t think he can see it is temporary and (dare I say it) normal to have doubts.
Would love some advice on what to do – do I stay, try to work things out, forget wedding plans and then maybe in a few months think about if we want to go ahead with it or cancel? It isn’t for 8 months yet, and the venue etc can be cancelled at any time up to a month before.
I have told a few friends and parents, non of whom believe this is permanent – knowing my fiancé they all think this is just a doubt that has got out of control.