- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I am another bee who has decided to use an anonymous username because I’m just rather embarrassed and upset that I am even having these feelings.
Last weekend I took a girl’s trip with my best friend to an amazing city. We had a blast, and we decided on our last night to go out to a bar and have some celebratory drinks. My bff is single, and so she was having a great time dancing with guys, etc. Well, a guy approached me at the bar, and we ended up spending all night talking… he bought me some drinks and we had some great conversation. He was pretty impressive on paper- intelligent, articulate, educated (he is younger than me and has a more advanced degree!), funny, witty, incredibly good looking, has a great job, has his own place. We literally talked ALL night- until 2 when the bars closed, and then he said he would walk my friend and I home since it was late. We stayed outside talking until 4 AM, after my friend had gone to bed. And when we were outside talking, he told me how much he was attracted to me, and kissed me. At that point, I had had about 4 drinks (which for me is about 2 more than I usually have!), but I didn’t feel “drunk”, just REALLY attracted to him, too. So, I kissed him back. We didn’t exchange numbers, just first and last names (he asked but I said no).
Bees, I just don’t know what came over me. And on top of it, I looked down at the end of the night, and my engagement ring had spun around on my hand (which it does since it is a wee bit too big for me still), and the diamond was facing inward, which I didn’t notice because I was so preoccupied. So he probably had no idea I was engaged, and I never said a WORD about my Fiance. And here’s the thing- my Fiance is amazing. The love and support I get from him is unconditional, he’s got all the practical stuff down too (trustworthy, faithful, dependable, understanding), I’m definitely attracted to him, etc. He does not have a degree, but he’s quite intelligent… just in a different way than I am (i.e. sometimes I need to explain what more complex words mean to him, etc. but he can think through so much hands-on stuff that I can’t). It was just so exhilarating to have a witty, bantering conversation with someone who was just so. stinking. articulate. It is sometimes frustrating for me to communicate fully with my Fiance because I get tired of explaining myself, and because I know he learns and understands things differently. But, we have been together almost 9 years, and I have learned so much about how to communicate with him that I am upset it is still an issue for me.
I came home feeling SO guilty. And also confused. I love my Fiance with all my heart and would be miserable without him… but this encounter was just so exciting in the moment. Afterwords, I’ll be honest, I did think a little about this other guy (for maybe a day), but mostly I have just felt guilt and pain for being so weak. I even talked to my Fiance about my attraction- he was so mature and kind. He said that obviously we won’t go our whole lives without being attracted to others, it just matters what we do about it and whether or not we can see throwing away a life we have built with each other over it. He just hugged me and wiped my tears and told me it would all be OK because we love each other so much. I am just so in love with this man, and it hurts that I could be so confused about us.
I am just wondering if any bee’s have had similar thoughts or things happen to them while they were engaged, and how they dealt with it. Anything would be appreciated!