Post # 1
Member
19 posts
Newbee
Hello, I’m new here and don’t know how to make this as less awkward as possible but I need advice. So I have six months left til the wedding and as the day gets closer I’m starting to find reasons not to get married. My fiance is practically my best friend. He even literally saved my life. Everything has been life changing with him. Its not that my fiance is a bad guy (he’s quite hilarious when he’s in a good mood) and means to do some of the things he does but I really can’t help but think every time something goes wrong that I’m going to be stuck with him forever and deal with his negativity. He works midnight shift and I know everyone will say that they can’t blame him for being moody or unmotivated to do anything when he gets up and I completely understand too. Its just sometimes when he does have to go somewhere he lashes out at me for the simplest things and makes me cry even if its not my fault. If hes not mad at me hes mad at someone or something else and when hes mad hes really scary. Hes never laid a hand on me though. He’s not the guy I started dating and I know that he won’t be the guy that I marry either. My point being is what if we grow apart? I still have my own insecurities like sometimes I believe he can do better than me. There has been troubles in the past such as him cheating on me twice but short story to that is he claimed to be depressed so his mom had him put on anti depressants. Since then I was able to put it all behind me up until my cousins husband had came home one day and told her he was having an affair. Now I’m afraid that I’m making a big mistake and we too will get a divorce one day. Should I call off the wedding?
Post # 2
Member
9788 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
So he cheated on you twice and he lashes out in anger in a way that scares you and is a generally negative person? Why in god name are you marrying him? I’m assuming you were born in 93 right? So youre 20? That is way too young to settle on someone like that, in fact any age this marriage would be a mistake.
listen to yourself, it’s not cold feet it’s the wise decision- call off the wedding. ScorpioGirl93:
Post # 3
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
Cheating is a strange way to cope with depression, IMO
No, you are not paranoid – you are going marry someone who cheated on you twice. So naturally you have no trust in him now.
By the way, firefighters and doctors are saving tens of lifes everyday, but they are not running to altar with those resсued.
Post # 4
Member
19 posts
Newbee
I’m not with him because he rescued me. We were actually together a little over a year when it happen.
Post # 5
Member
2122 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017
You can do much, much, much better hun!!! Trust me, you know when you know, and a cheating, scary man who makes you cry is not the one. Not even close to it. I feel so safe and happy with my husband all the time and we completely understand and trust each other. You deserve this too! Leave him!
Post # 6
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
“He’s not the guy I started dating and I know that he won’t be the guy that I marry either.”
looks like you’ve answered your own question.
Post # 7
Member
9108 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Get out while you can. He sounds potentially dangerous & he’s a cheater.
Post # 8
Member
5140 posts
Bee Keeper
ScorpioGirl93: He sounds just like a guy I dated for a while. He’d treat you well and be pleasant just enough to keep you going. Then he would flip out over nothing and get scary mad, but you’d just play it off as stress and him not being himself because of it. Sound familiar? This guy I dated flipped his shit at me one time because I forgot to bring a chipotle coupon to his house, he couldn’t let it go, even when I offered to pay for the chipotle, got so mad that he sent me home for the coupon and then was still so mad that he didn’t even get the chipotle! It’s not rational and it’s not just because of stress. Life is stressful and if this is how your Fiance deals with stress, that is part of who he is and you don’t need to bear the brunt of it. The cheating just adds on to the pile of nastiness. Cheating is not a healthy way of dealing with depression. This whole situation screams emotional manupulation.
You don’t owe this man anything. If he does not treat you well and does not make you happy, it doesn’t matter how far along in wedding planning you are, you need to get out. The real mistake would be to go ahead and marry a man who is emotionally manipulative and has an anger problem to the point where you are scared of him, it’s only a small step to physical abuse at that point.
Post # 9
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee
ScorpioGirl93: CALL OFF THE WEDDING.
Post # 10
Member
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
ScorpioGirl93: Yep, call it off. While he hasnt laid a hand on you yet, I bet that will easily change after marriage.
Post # 11
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
ScorpioGirl93: It’s neither cold feet nor paranoia. It’s your gut and your brain telling you something is terribly wrong. I have never once considered that my fiance and I might divorce. Never. Do you want to be with someone who thinks cheating is excusable by depression? The thought of inflicting the that kind of pain on one’s future wife should make a good fiance physically ill.
You deserve someone who doesn’t cheat and can manage his anger. Do you really want to marry a man who cheated on you? There are so many better men out there. You deserve better. Divorce is messy and expensive. A break up is so much easier.
Post # 12
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
Run. Dont walk. Get away from this loser!
Post # 13
Member
6530 posts
Bee Keeper
ScorpioGirl93: yes you should call off the wedding. he cheated on you TWICE and you are not even married yet. he lashes out at you? this is just the beginning.
Get out asap. I know its easier said than done, but YOU will be saving YOUR OWN life
Post # 14
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
Follow your gut. If you have to ask the question, it sounds like you already know in your heart you should call it off! only you can make the decision, but he sounds like an extremely negative and hurtful person. Best of luck!
Post # 15
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
Addressing this from a different angle.
In a health relationship, you would be able to say “Hey honey, I get scared when you lash out at me over little things. I understand that you are tired and stressed, but when you do this, I don’t feel respected and it hurts our relationship and our love.” In a health relationship, your Fiance would hear what you said to him and vow to keep his work stress in check / not take it out on you because he too cares about the long term health of your relationship.
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