- 10 years ago
Im a regular poster on WB but I felt as tho I couldn’t use my usual poster name.
I have been with my fiance for 3 years now. I love him and he is a sweet person and he loves me. With nearly 2 months to go to the wedding. I have some doubts that are creeping in my head. And I know this is normal sometimes.. but I think I have been put in a situation were I am torn more than what I say the usual for a bride (if there is usual) Im torn with the ‘What if?’ My fiance is a simple man, not much of a thinker or conversationalist but I am.
I have NEVER cheated on my fiance in our relationship, or for that matter ever wanted someone else. So here is where my doubt comes in.
Fiance and I went to a party two weeks back, we mingle alot through the crowd and I have been introduced to alot of people. (Party 80+) so sometimes it could be a couple of hours before I could spot my Fiance. I get introduced to a guy which I will call OM (other man) and we instantly hit it off. Conversation keeps on going and I have found myself talking to this man for nearly 2 and half hours (sometimes just by ourselves and other times where people have joined in) It was a surreal experience. I found someone randomly that I connected with and Im thinking ‘Great to meet new people’ and I really enjoyed the convo. I honestly felt that I could talk to OM about everything. Really wierd.
Anyway on the way home.. I couldnt stop thinking about the conversation with OM. A day passed and all I could think about was the party. Anyway I open up my Facebook account and I found a message from OM asking if I would accept him on facebook, we do have mutual friends. I was like no problem, he commented that enjoyed meeting me last night and hoped that I had a good week. From that small action.. I was SMILING from ear to ear.. (how ridiculous over such a small action. Needless to say I was searching wedding blogs on the Wednesday and OM started talking to me on the chat. Well we talked for a long time..
Our past weekend fiance had a bit of a boys weekend planned Friday night heading to a friends place. Saturday night some of his guy friends from out of town have come to visit and a boys night out. So Friday night I hung out with the girls(about 6 of us) and in the pub we went to, there is OM with a group of friends. And he comes up to me and gives me a hug and introduced me to his friends and I introduced him to mine. We get a big table and we all get into lively conversation. Well OM and I just cannot stop talking. We find out that we have loads in common, similar goals, similar travel aspirations.. just a really wierd connection that I felt that we had been literally best of friends for years. I was a bit of a whirlwind with all this and I felt that I had to leave when everyone wanted to head to a local nightspot. I said goodbye to everyone else but I didnt say goodbye to OM. I just couldnt. I was confused about my feelings of having that feeling of being able to open up to him and could tell him everything.
I get a text from a number while I was in the taxi and it just had the comment. Im sorry you left the pub without saying goodbye, enjoyed conversation. Hope to catch up with you soon. I asked who it was and it was OM. Anyway we texted on and off for two hours. All innocent and all above board. No flirting. Fiance was still out. Needless to say.. my night was spent thinking yet again about OM and our conversation. Im thinking to myself. I need to shut it down, but there isnt anything to shut down. OM is just being friendly. I didnt text him Saturday, no FB I just avoided any contact and tried to hang out with Fiance. My mind however was elsewhere.
Saturday night. Fiance is out with his friends I get invited to a girlfriends place for a few drinks about 20 of us are there. I go about 6.30pm and half an hour later I hear that OM is coming. Apparently the girlfriend of mine is a mutal friend of his. Anyway he arrives, and I was friendly said hello. But we found ourselves at the same table sitting next to each other and spent the whole night till about midnight in convo, laughs and enjoying the night (not once were we left alone by ourselves) as I was about to leave. He gave me a hug and said to me. That he is so happy that he met me and that he has said he felt that as what I have said before ‘ friends for years’ and that this has been one of the most enjoyable weekends of his life and told me I was refreshing company. (however wierd that sounds)
And heres the confusing bit and I just needed to let it out. I am feeling the same way about OM. I feel connected, I feel like I have known him for years and I feel as tho he is a best friend already. Anyway I dont know if its doubts that I have been having over the whole getting married to Fiance or whatever. I just feel my friendship that has started could turn out to be a bad thing. Could feed my doubt. Could at somepoint get me into trouble or an awkward situation. I cant tell any of my friends about this as they think my fiance is awseome and I think my fiance is awseome and I dont want fiance to be hurt. Im emotionally confused, torn and I dont know.
I dont know my reason for this post other than that I just needed to get it out, needed to write it down and get it off my chest. Nothing has happened that I should be feeling guilty about. I havent cheated, I havent flirted, I havent crossed any boundary. But I am feeling guilty… BUT WHY!!
Anyway if you made it to the end of this post. Thanks for reading. I just appreciate having a board like this to open up to.