(Closed) Cold feet or something more?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
364 posts
Helper bee

I’m just so confused as to why you’re with this guy at all. :S

Post # 17
Member
10358 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You have real concerns and it sounds like you are in for a long unhappy life if you marry this dude.

Post # 18
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
jubial :  why are you marrying him? It doesn’t sound like you are compatible. He will not make you happy for the rest of your life. It’s probably so hard to break off an engagement but if you are really feeling this way now it’s better sooner than later. Before there are joint finances or kids!

Post # 19
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think you should really consider moving on. How can someone not feel comfortable talking about politics/religion to their spouse? Anyone else, I would understand but your his fiancé. What if you decide to have children. That will cause big problems. If he wants to raise them in a certain religion, but you don’t agree or vice versa. These kinds of things NEED to be discussed prior to marriage.

Post # 20
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
jubial :  I don’t think you are being ridicolous at all.

Your husband should be your soulmate, your best friend who you can share and talk about anything with.. life can get really boring really quickly if you can’t discuss religioun or world issues not to mention it is strange how closed of he is to YOU.

I totally get that some people are closed off and not chatty, but usually that is different with their couple best friends and their SO.

He treats arguments like a baby as well, silent treatment and locking himself in a room is really immature and doesn’t solve anything or teaches lessons for the future.

I don’t know if you should necessarily leave him, you sound like a reasonable person and the positives you mentioned were great (staying longer or quitting job so you can be with your friends and family is very kind) so maybe you need to really sit him down and explain that this cannot go and that you need counselling before you can continue with wedding planning or before you really decide its done.

 

Good luck bee, sorry to hear that.

Post # 21
Member
7347 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Marriage isn’t easy. It seems impossible with someone with whom you have so little in common and refuses to communicate. It isn’t unreasonable to think you should be at least content most of the time in your relationship–and you are not, on almost every level. You know the answer here, as hard as it may be. 

Post # 22
Member
1809 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Hubby and I have been together 25 years. We don’t agree on all topics – we disagree on religion, and politics, but we discuss them, and respect each other’s opinions. We come from different countries, and have discussed our childhood traumas which make us the people we are today. 

I think what I’m trying to say here is that you need to be able to talk to your partner – you need to know what makes each other the way they are (eg – my dad was an alcoholic, and would often get drunk then scream at us – which I found very frightening. Hubby knows not to yell – it triggers a fear in me.).  Even if you don’t agree on things, you can still respect the other persons opinions  

it sounds like your Fiance is quite immature. Quick sex that only is enjoyable to him, throwing tantrums after fights, not caring about anything but games – even my teenaged son is more mature than that  

i think you’d be happier finding a man you actually have a lot in common with. I think you’ll have a very sad lonely marriage if you stay with this guy. 

Post # 23
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You really need to be able to have “big” discussions with your partner. I know my Fiance and I have long, philosophical pillow talk, and that really is great for the relationship because we are so open with each other.

From an outsider’s point of view, you do not sound compatible. I would look for someone who fulfills your expectations of a partner, intellectually, sexually, and so forth. The silent treatment is really worrisome, as a cornerstone of a romantic relationship (heck, any relationship) should be communication. 

Post # 24
Member
39 posts
Newbee

I have never discussed about religion or politic (let alone litterature) with my bf or any of my friends, thats just bcos i dont really understand politics and i am not really interested in religions. I think I understand why does he refuses to talk about things that he has zero interest with. like for example your Fiance is a ln electric engineer and he told you about how the electricity works and etc you wont understand a thing and you are not interested to listen. its fine , like if we ask guys about lipstick colors and they cant tell the difference ! 

 

Everyone’s preference and interest are different. have you tried to watch some footballs and ask him about football things? maybe he is more interested to talk about games he likes. 

 

But for silence treatment and not discussing the solution or the best way out with chill head, yea its very immature.

The topic ‘Cold feet or something more?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors