(Closed) Cold feet? Or this is really not working out

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@goldfish2308:  This guy is making you miserable, you KNOW it isn’t you (because you were super happy in past relationships), and you still have time to run!

Get out of there! Guys definitely only get worse!

Post # 4
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

What do you mean by this, “Mind you, we already married “by law” and just waiting for the ceremony and reception.”

Post # 6
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@goldfish2308:  when did you get married?  why?  did you have these doubts before the wedding?

Post # 7
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yikes. I’ve always heard that reality sets in around 18 months of being together. Unfortunately, even if you don’t consider yourself married, the federal government does. If you decide that the two of you may not be as compatible as you thought, I think you’ll have to go through the full process of legal divorce.

Have you considered counseling? There don’t seem to be any like major abuse issues here or anything, so this may just be a rough patch that the two of you have to work through.

Post # 8
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@cmbr:  +1

The issues you mention can be worked out if you’re both committed to improving your relationship. Trust that they are not uncommon, especially in the early part of a long-term relationship, and don’t signal doom! Participating in therapy sessions could give you that push you need. 

@goldfish2308:  Does he know you’re unhappy? Have you talked about counselling?


Post # 9
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think you are just going through a phase because (even though we were dating) I went through something similar with my darling and we had been together for about as long as you two have. Maybe try counseling or slurging a bit on some one-on-one time together! Keep your head up and try and remember the reasons why you love him because those keep you together even when the flaws try and pull you apart….Good luck darling! 

Post # 10
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@goldfish2308:  This does not sound like cold feet. It sounds like after you started living together you realized that you two are not compatible. This happens to lots of couples, especially after moving in together, which is why most couples see how they can adjust to living together before making a committment to marriage. 

Unfortunately, you are now legally married and if you decided to break up you would have to find an attorney and file for divorce. I’m confused because it seems like you think the November ceremony you’re planning is your “real” wedding, but you are very much really married right now. What you’re planning in November is a party.

It sounds to me like you all moved way, way, way too quickly in your relationship. And if you had not gotten legally married, my advice would be to cut your losses and break up with him. However, I know divorce is a miserable, lengthy, expensive process and I think people who have made the committment to marriage should try to avoid it at any cost. You two should seek counseling, and if he refuses or does not make healthy modifications within a time table you both agree on, you should seek legal counsel and proceed with a divorce. Best of luck to you both. 

Post # 11
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

i was in a relationship for all most 5 years and in the end i was so sad a upset and withdrawn i just wasnt me any more . it was hard but i did it and i now have the love of my life tha makes me happy and feel amazing

you should talk through you worrys with him , but if he makes you fell bad maybe you need some alone time to think . 


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