(Closed) cold feet or turditis?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Cold feet about proposing, being a turd deliberately or me being a drama queen?
    Cold proposing feet : (0 votes)
    Turditis : (19 votes)
    95 %
    I'm a drama queen : (1 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    1013 posts
    Bumble bee

    He seems very pissy for someone who agreed to this recently.

    I’d say your feelings are valid and in a very non confrontational way you need to let him know you will not be waiting around if he said he would propose last year and hasnt done anything.

    Post # 4
    2699 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012


    Maybe this is the immature thing to do but…show him what he’s missing. Start living the single life a little more than before. See if that’s what he really wants.


    And yes, it sounds like he’s trying to give you a message..he’s not in a mad rush to get engaged. Sorry he’s being a total tit.

    Post # 5
    2031 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    OK, I know pot isn’t a huge deal in most cases…but in this case I’m totally blaming it, because it seems like when he smoked with his friends things started changing.  I dated a pothead.  I didn’t care that he did it, it’s his life and lungs, but it did start to bother me.  Why?  Because he started caring more about it than us.  He would be late picking me up for dates because we had to smoke with his friends first (even though he had all day and wasn’t picking me up until evening).  We would have to rush through dinner dates to stop and get weed from his buddy before we could go to the movies.  He was almost 2 hours late on my birthday to pick me up to bring me to dinner (his idea)…which meant that we didn’t leave the house until amost 9:00 on a Monday when we both had to work early the next day.  He would forget we had plans, so that on a Saturday night at 8:30 I’d be dressed and ready and I’d get a text ‘Hey babe, whatcha doing?’ I let it slide for 10 months before I finally had enough of him killing brain cells and screwing me out of a good time.  On top of that, it made him tired,  lazy, WAY more laid back than I cared for or wanted, and plain old stupid.  I still don’t have a problem with someone who wants to smoke occasionally at a party or something, but I would never get involved with another person who needed it on a daily basis. 

    It sounds to me like your SO is falling into old habits, and quickly.  I would sit him down and explain to him that it meant so much to you when he thanked you for helping him give it up, and that you were so proud of him for doing it mostly on his own.  It worries you that he’s getting into it again, and it’s becoming frequent, because you’re worried that there may be something going on in his life that is stressing him out and not telling you.  Relationships are a team effort, and he needs to talk to you.  Also tell him that you would like to go along with the plan of getting engaged this year (I know this wasn’t the plan, but 2011 is already over so there’s no changing it now, sadly) but you can honestly not see yourself marrying someone addicted to pot.  That’s not what you agreed to.  Also tell him that he may not see it, but smoking causes him to turn into a different person, and that’s not who you fell in love with…you don’t like the other version.  Once you approach it in a way that isn’t ‘nagging’ and is more an open communication, he may feel better and open up about other things.  Maybe there was a reason he couldn’t propose last year and he was ashamed to admit it (finances are always a strain on men, even if they pretend otherwise).  I think once he opens up, you’ll be able to get back to where you were after your initial marriage conversation. 

    Post # 7
    811 posts
    Busy bee

    It might just be me (because I am anti-drugs, even weed) but did a lot of his cancelling and changing his mind start after he started smoking weed again? Just wanted to ask because I was a little confused by what you wrote so wanted to clarify.

    Think it sounds like you guys need to sit down and talk, you need to know where you stand 🙂

    The topic ‘cold feet or turditis?’ is closed to new replies.

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