Post # 1
ok so I’m not sure how this all works. This is my first post here on Weddingbee…but I’m falling apart and am desperately in need of some advise. First I will give you gals a run through of who my fiance and I are together and how we got this way… My fiance and I are 30 and 27 we have been together for two years. We have been through so much together. We have both been sober for a little over a year. It was something we decided to do together. I’m not sure if any of you know what that means in all. It was the biggest challenge of our lives. I’m not sure that we could have done it without each other. We moved in together when we made this choice. We have been living together for a year now. Things are alot different for it was a huge life style change but for the most part we are much much closer. We are best friends and are so brutally honest with each other that it sometimes hurts. I do not have any issues in trusting him nor dose he trusting me. I feel as if we love each other more than any other couple does or ever could.
With this being said He left at the end of Dec. to go on a business trip. He was gone for two month. It was super hard on both of us and while he was gone he made the decision that he wanted to make me his wife. The day He returned home we got engaged and have been planning our wedding every since. I have the dress the venue and have ordered the cake. We went last weekend and picked out tux and did our wedding registry together. But I have noticed a change in my bestfriend as of late. He has started to distance himself from me. Maybe tmi but we are super touchy and love to be with each other like everynight…sorry…But anyway this has changed like even when we do it isn’t the same. I confronted him tonight because it has really started bothering me. He told me it was because of the wedding. He is scared. He told that he wants to be with me but it is a big responsibility. I have two year old son which he for the most part has raised. He has never been able to commit to much of anything neither of us have because of the certain bad choices that we had made in our lives for ourselves. We fight these demands everyday. He claims to have never been in love or been with a women for any period of time. He just told me two days ago even with this distance that I’ve been feeling that he knew he couldn’t live life right without me and it makes him super sad to even think about life without our son and I in it. I just don’t understand what all this distance is and 4 months before the wedding? Is this normal? I’m so upset!
Post # 3
Cold feet happens with a lot of couples, but having a child as well as alcoholism in the picture definitely makes it tougher to figure these sort of things out. Have you two had any premarital counseling? I know the idea of therapy turns some people off, but it sounds like the two of you could really benefit from it. It’s great that you’ve been sober for so long, I’d just hate for there to be any relapses or someone to walk away from the relationship (even distancing, which he is doing, is bad) simply out of fear. Had he said specifically what he is afraid of? It sounds like since you’re living together, marriage wouldn’t change your day to day life too much. Is he afraid of being a father, that he won’t live up to expectations (yours or his), just the unknown in general, etc.?
Post # 5
I don’t have much to say except i am really sorry the situation is like this. You two have gone trough a lot and deserve to be happy. I agree with courtney. Maybe you should have some councelling? I wish you two the best..i am really sad for you..
Post # 6
UPDATE…I cryed all night sick at my stomach. Just a mess and he calls this morning and knows he wants to marry me. Has never wanted anything more. Its just another big lifestyle change for him he says and everything will be fine. I just need not be so hasty However I’m still a tad upset!
Post # 7
Sometimes with the stress of the wedding and everything going on, I sometimes get cold feet and wonder if I am doing the right thing. Marriage is a huge change and commitment and since I don’t believe in divorce, it is a decision that will affect the rest of my life. However, everytime I take a second to sit and think about the man that I want and how happy my Fiance makes me, I realize that there is nothing to worry about and there is nothing that would make me happier than being with him. Sometimes when you get wrapped up in everything in life and the stress of the wedding, you can really focus on your negative feelings surrounding the wedding. Everyone needs to take some time out and really think about why you decided to get married in the first place and it will take any doubt out of your mind. It sounds like that was the same situation with your Fiance. It sounds like he took time out to really think about marrying you and that’s why he called you with so many nice things to say. Just keep that in mind….
Post # 8
@blondie634: He even came home from work early with flowers. yey yey!
Post # 9
@CodijoC: OMG I just wrote a post about the exact same issue. How are you doing? I am not much of a support right now, but you are not alone. I don’t know what to do about this either. Read my post if you have a sec. Let me know what happens….my Fiance didn’t say he had cold feet…or nerves. Now I am wondering. 🙁