(Closed) Cold Feet…When are they more than just cold feet?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Um, wow this could be me, almost exactly.  I had a panic attack when I tried on my veil.  Thinking even a little about the vows etc gets me in a cold sweat.  But just a couple days ago, I was thinking, “What would my life be like had I stayed with [abusive ex-boyfriend’s name]?”  It’s like, what the hell?

But I think it is just cold feet.  I’m completely and irrevocably in love with Fiance, and I want to marry him more anything else.  It’s just, I’ve been down this road before twice, and both times, it turned out very badly.  I just have to keep telling myself, it’s not gonna happen this time.  Fiance is not like those other men.  Everything will work out. And I keep working on wedding projects.  It keeps me really, really distracted, because it’s only when I think about the vows etc that I get upset.  (And they are already written, so yay!)

Post # 4
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

It sounds completely typical of cold feet to me. Before Darling Husband and I got married, I had dreams about my exes, and one in particular kept turning up who I dated over 10 years ago and haven’t seen since. I had this urge to find him, and I wanted to talk to him, but luckily I never did more than think about it because I realized it was all related to cold feet. I never thought I would be the type to get married and have kids so part of me started daydreaming about old flames and the “single life.”

I know lots of people who went through this before they got married so don’t stress, it sounds harmless to me. It won’t be long before you look back on it and realize it was just your body’s natural reaction to the fear of a lifetime committment; marriage is a big deal! You know in your heart what you really want, and I’m sure it’s not your ex. It’s definitely okay to think about and remember all the past loves of your life and how they shaped your future and lead you to find the man you are with today. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This sounds perfectly normal to me, I would see it as a phase until the actual wedding day, when those feelings will just disappear! 🙂

Post # 6
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

sounds pretty normal to me! im a gemini too and though i knew i was completely ready to get married to my husband those thoughts crept into my mind as well in the weeks leading up to the wedding. stress about planning and bringing everything together doesnt help the crazy cold feet thoughts! haha

It is a process, after marriage, trying to find yourself as an individual, a wife, a couple but its a beautiful journey and to be honest i didn’t notice too much of a change after getting married – it just felt good, it felt right.

 

Post # 7
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think your cold feet could stem from a number of things:

– Your negative past relationship created an unfortunate defense mechanism in your mind, and you wonder if you should be “free”/not “tied down” – but you have to remember that your past is separate from your present and future – your current guy loves you and it sounds like he treats you with respect and he values you

– It’s finally hitting you that your days of being “on your own” (even though you’re with a partner) are coming to a close, which could feel weird. BUT! Remember why you decided you wanted to marry the man you’re with. Remind yourself of those reasons.

Try not to let that negative self-talk get you down. I’m part Gemini (I’m on the cusp), and I also tend to have those swings of being completely smitten but then over-thinking and comparing…

It’s good that you value your independence, but remember you can still have that in a healthy marriage (i.e. not with a jealous guy, so you can still do the things you enjoy in life but you’ll have a supportive partner as well).

Try to shut out your head and listen to your heart for a little while – what’s it telling you?

Post # 8
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Sounds like typical cold feet. But only you can really know. I would recommend a site called (I think) Conscious Bride or Concscious Wedding. She has some questions you can ask yourself see.

Also, read Practical Wedding, especially the Reclaiming Wife parts. It really helps shed light on the ‘wife’ of our minds (=unrealistic expectations) and the real world of being a partner on a team called Husband and Wife.

Post # 9
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Another Gemini here!  Yes, we have quite the mood swings/personality changes.  I am feeling the highs, the lows and everything inbetween.  I think this is normal, just have to take some time to breatheeeee!  Seems a bit overwhelming, and whenever it gets that way, the Gemini wants to run & be free!!! At least, that’s what I’ve experienced.  Sometimes it’s time for an overdue evening out with friends and maybe a girls weekend away – really need a ctrl, alt, delete and reboot sometimes.

(it’s funny & comforting to see how all the Gemini’s understand each other!)

I should start another thread, I would love to know what sign the Gemini’s are marrying : )

Post # 11
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Mrs.Firefly1: That’s a cool idea! (What sign other signs are marrying)
PeacocksAndCandy: I’m with a Virgo too!! His realistic, organized, planner nature acts to balance my spontaneous and idealistic tendencies (though I’m also a planner, but definitely more quick to act than he is). Though it bothered me at first how “realistic” (and therefore apprehensive) he always is, I appreciate his point of view – and to be honest, he’s got a bang-on instinct most of the time.

Post # 12
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@PeacocksAndCandy: I firmly believe it’s so important to have balance, especially with our traits and personality.  If I am not social and fall into a rut, man oh man do I feel it.  It’s very important that I get that social interaction, do stuff for myself and sometimes just with myself and friends (without FI).  I need a balance of fun/intelligence/visual art stuff/learning/new surroundings.  I really look to my friends to complete that balance.  My Fiance is amazing and I adore him, but of course we have joint interests and different interests. I get really irritable, crabby and somewhat snappy if I don’t feel fulfilled in life.  It’s my responsiblity to make sure I get my balance to be happy.  And sometimes it just takes the excitment of maybe joining a art class or possibly learning an instrument. I love to stay busy and have my relaxation time.

It’s funny you should say things about shopping & Christmas.  I love wrapping paper, bows, cards and buying for others – it’s SO much fun for me.  One of my happy places : )

This is why Weddingbee is so freaking awesome.  You can come to a group of people and have that social interaction and get advice when you need it.  I have a feeling you are dealing with a lot of stressful and overwhelming stuff with the wedding and life changes.  Just be sure to keep your balance and make sure you bring/keep what you love in your life to strike that perfect happiness!

I am marrying an Aries!!  I saw this book at Barnes & Noble where you can look up the actual birthday and compare — it said we were an awesome match.  My first love/crush was a Virgo… and it took me 10 years to finally let go of it!!! That was way before my Fiance : )

Post # 13
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lumos: Yes, we should start something like that!!!  Thinking about creating a post for each sign and then they can select what sign they are marrying.  I may do it this weekend or anyone that sees this and wants to can : )

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