(Closed) Coldfeet or something more?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
12 posts

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coldddfeet :  let me ask you a question. Do you already live with your girlfriend? Do you share a house and bank information, expenses?  6 years is a long time to be with someone. Sometimes when you reach this point in a relationship you are already “married” sans the official paperwork. Are your parents happily married or divorced? Could that be influencing your opinion? 

I will tell you think though. My grandmother and mother used to give me this advice. If you have to ask if this is the right thing for you to do, you already have the answer. Getting married there should never be a question of should I do this or is this the right person. You just know.  You say that she is the person you want to marry and you want to make it work, but your actions say otherwise. 

Post # 17
7591 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would honestly walk away. It doesn’t really matter if it’s “you” or if it’s a flaw with your gf that’s making you feel this way. What matters is that you feel supremely ambivalent about marriage…something that should only be entered into with 100% conviction and joy. As pp said, it shouldn’t even be a decision to marry someone. It should just be an obvious gut feeling.

The sooner you end this, the better. It’s not fair to your fiance to drag it out anymore than you already have. Then you can do the soul searching to figure out why you feel this way. 

Post # 18
970 posts
Busy bee

I think a lot of times things are perfect on paper, but love isn’t rational and sometimes there’s just something missing that keeps them from being your soul mate. Trying to force it is a mistake. What especially concerns me is that what’s keeping you is trying to imagine life without her. It seems like you’re more co-dependent than actually in love. It’s normal to be terrified of living without someone you’ve been with for a very long time, but that’s not a good reason to stay. 

I would suggest one last weekend retreat to see if you still have a “spark”. Sometimes people just get in a funk that’s unrelated to the relationship. But if that’s not it, it’s time to do the hard thing, man up, and move on. 

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