(Closed) Colleague identified my moissanite ring as non-diamond and told others!

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 121
Member
10 posts
Newbee

Your ring is beautiful and looks gorgeous on your hand! I think the proportions are very well balanced on your finger and I wouldn’t change the size at all. You mentioned you don’t have the funds for a big $$$ diamond right now, and honestly I have a lot more respect for people who spend within their means and have defined goals and plans for the future, rather than overspending on shiny things they can’t afford. 

Personally I don’t mind diamonds, or moissanites, or morganites or sapphires, as long as it’s shiny it’s beautiful. I’ve had people call my under-a-carat ring “cute” (thanks coworker who’s always trying to compete with me), and “too big/superficial/over the top” (thanks mum, who keeps telling me I’ll get robbed). It doesn’t bother me. People will always tell you that you either spent too much/spent too little on your ring, wedding, house, kids etc, so there’s a lot more judgement to come! I think you handled the situation very maturely, and if it helps I don’t think your coworker was being malicious. Sounds like a typical 20 year old guy with a foot in his mouth 😂 

Post # 122
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I hate the fake concept. I’d like to know what the few people who agree with the fake comment think of these things:

So…

my teeth are fake cuz I have them whitened? Are they fake because I had braces and have fillings?

my seven year happy marriage is fake cuz I didn’t have a wedding, wasn’t proposed to with an engagement ring or have a wedding band that was put on during vows we didn’t have?

My ears are fake cuz they don’t have diamond studs in them but moissanite instead? 

My eyes are fake when I wear contacts?

My boobs and body are fake if I wear a padded bra in chilly weather and spanx in a dress? 

Is my house fake cuz I don’t own it and am paying a mortgage? Does my car not get me to work if it’s a lease and I don’t outright own it? 

Is your garden fake if you hire someone to maintain it and don’t do the work yourself? 

Was my dinner fake because I made a copycat Olive Garden recipe? Did it not have calories? Lol 

Is my hair fake because I dye it? Is it fake when I curl it?

Is my face fake cuz I wear makeup? 

Is my dog not real because she’s a mutt and not a purebred? 

Am I also fake because I’m an American born and raised in Ohio but can speak fluent Russian? Am I somehow deceiving people? 

Did I not go on that vacation if I put the cost on a credit card instead of paying cash up front?

I realize these aren’t as direct as the diamond-moissanite debate and aren’t completely comparable or relatable things. But to me they are ALL equally ridiculous concepts to me. Not to be mean to people that might agree – but what is the logic or science behind any of that supposed rationale? There literally isn’t any other than to judge and belittle others and put yourself on a higher horse. 

I. Just. Don’t. Get. It. People need to stop judging and stop being a jerk. 

Post # 123
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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nifer317 :  +1,000 So right! 

Post # 124
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee

I love all the people commenting that the “guy is a jerk”…he is a GUY…most men don’t give a shit about jewelry. Most men don’t know what a moissanite is – I am a woman and never heard of it before this board. Most men think that if you have something that looks like a diamond on a ring finger, it is one of two things – a diamond, or a stone designed to look like a diamond (also called a “fake”).

Since the OP already said she wasn’t TRYING to pass it off as a diamond, I don’t see what the big deal is. Had she told people it was a diamond and he called her out, I think it is funny in a pathetic way that the “bad guy” is the person that called bullshit, not the person lying.

Post # 125
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

At first I thought you were going to say he said it was a cubic zirconia 

Post # 126
Member
1698 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I have major second-hand embarrassment for that young man. 

Post # 127
Member
636 posts
Busy bee

It’s not a fake ring, but it’s not a diamond either so I don’t really get the debate on the bee.  A lot of people buy moissanite for budget saving measures and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I do find posts with carat sizes of moissanite that would cost more than a car asking if it’s believable ridiculous. If you buy a Kia to save money don’t be ashamed.  If you buy a moissanite, which is beautiful stone, don’t be ashamed and decide on a ring you don’t like because you’re afraid someone will know it’s not a diamond–it’s not and you shouldn’t care. 

A flawless 2-3 carat diamond costs more than many Americans make per year so it’s not remotely believable for most people to have a stone that big that is “believable.” It’s not really rude for someone to ask because flawless large carat stones are pretty rare outside of HCOL areas. My diamond engagement ring that’s just under 2 carats gets looks and questions when I go back to my hometown because under .5 carats is pretty much the norm there. I don’t find it rude–people are just curious. Since OP’s coworker is young and a guy it’s doubtful to me it’s malicious.

Post # 128
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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ct2015 :  THIS. Guys really don’t know anything about jewelry, unless they are exposed to it or interested in it, and it sounds like this guy is not.

For example, I recently got a silver ring from Berricle to see how a certain ring style would look on my finger, and my husband was convinced that the metal was “plastic” when he first saw it. Why? Because he knew it wasn’t gold, and so he thought it was something that was designed to look like gold.

Nope, it’s silver. And this is from a man who has bought jewelry for me before. He knew I hadn’t spent a ton of money on the ring and just assumed it came out of a gumball machine! Or in the past if DH isn’t familiar with a certain type of gemstone, he might guess that it’s “not real” even if it is.

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dw4518 :  Likewise, I think your coworker’s unfamiliarity with diamonds led him to say that your ring wasn’t a diamond. When you admitted it wasn’t, he felt justified. I think it’s less about this guy actually identifying your ring as a non-diamond and more about him making a random guess (since you said he doesn’t own diamonds, and couldn’t clearly reason out why he thought your ring was a fake), and by chance being right.

Diamonds have rainbowy sparkle as well (I don’t own moissanite, but I’ve heard that moissanite has more rainbowy sparkle. And CZ, which is the best diamond stimulant has rainbow sparkle also), but I doubt he would actually know what proportion of rainbowy vs non-rainbowy sparkle to expect from a diamond vs a non-diamond. And as for cloudiness–diamonds can be cloudy! Just go down in clarity.

You say that everyone in the UK has such modest and small rings. I’m assuming this refers to your other coworkers and people in your social circle. I would bet you that THIS is why he suspected your ring was a fake, and then when asked to come up with a reason he said what he said. 

Post # 129
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It’s not so much rude to me that he called out that it was a moissanite. It’s rude AS FUCK that he called it “cloudy” I used to wear a CZ stand in that got loads of compliments like “What a pretty diamond” and I would say “Awww thanks, it’s a CZ from berricle but I do love it!” If someone had said “What a pretty CZ” that would be fine too. But to say “That’s a fake diamond and I can tell because it’s cloudy” is rude. I think the ring is gorgeous and I really hope to buy a big ass moissy one of these days because I think they are stunning.

I have a $1,3000 pawn shop diamond that appraised for 7K if it were new so that’s not exactly holding much value. And I don’t care where it came from it’s pretty, I liked it, I wanted a durable ring for my job and it was cheaper than the moissy rings I liked. A lot of folks would probably cluctch their pearls because I wear a used ring. But it’s a symbol and I would be just as married if I didn’t have a ring at all. Even if I had one that came out of a gumball machine and that would still be “real” it’s not like it’s an imaginary ring. 

Post # 130
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Honestly this whole thread reminds me of a conversation I had the other day with a new colleague of mine. She has this gorgeous, long blonde hair, and I went up to her and was like “your hair is absolutely beautiful!” To which she responded “thank you so much.” Then I said back “do you have any tips for me to grow out my hair?? I’m getting married in a few months and it is just not growing!” To which she then laughed and said “well actually I’m wearing clip-in extensions.”

It’s not your job to go around announcing you have a moissanite ring to everyone who compliments you. But if someone is asking for details or something then that would be an appropriate time to say it’s not a diamond.

OP – your male coworker was rude, but that’s just how guys can be. I’m sure he wasn’t aware that he was being insensitive. I’ve had guys look at my 0.6ct diamond and say “oh, that’s a good stand in diamond until you can afford a bigger one!” Um no, we could afford a bigger one now but I actually am happy with this size 😂 guys just don’t always get it.

Post # 131
Member
1908 posts
Buzzing bee

Didja tell him that it may not be a real diamond, but it’ll leave a real 1.5 carat dent in his forehead? Some people are so rude!

Post # 132
Member
2888 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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franklymydearidont :  I have to agree with the size comment about why the OP’s coworker commented on her ring.  If the average size in the UK is around 0.5 carats and she walked in wearing a 1.5 carat ring, it’s going to get attention.  Similarly, I live in a HCOL area and while a 2 carat ring doesn’t get questioned, a 3 or 4 carat ring would, especially on someone young (which I am assuming the OP is; young meaning < 30).

Post # 133
Member
2429 posts
Buzzing bee

I love the phrase “I am neither able to confirm nor deny……” followed by the statement “I love this ring, and it is made of our love, and that’s all that’s important to me”.

“Honesty” is NOT synonymous with “revelation”.

You owe NO response of any kind to someone who is as rude and thoughtless as the young charmer who thought he’d “outed” you, but your revelation was something he didn’t deserve. 

Enjoy your ring!

Post # 134
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

I think your colleague is just plain rude.  I understand he is young, but rude is rude. That being said, it is not a diamond. I have not read all the responses, but am confused as to if you want people to think your ring is a diamond or not.  Be proud it is a moissanite.  That is the stone you chose, and you shouldn’t worry if people think it is a real diamond or not.  

Post # 135
Member
945 posts
Busy bee

Oh man, my responses got buried in a conversation earlier in this thread, but I hope none of the women who feel their diamond is “inherently more valuable” never fall on tough times and have to sell it. 

I think a lot of people confuse diamonds wiht a commodity or investment. Gold is a commodity, it doesn’t matter how many times it’s been owned, but the price goes up and down based on market rates driven by scarcity and demand for more secure tangible assets (i.e. when the credit market goes down gold may go up). Diamonds are not a commodity because their value is inflated and artificial. The price isn’t related to scarcity and for many, it’s related to an emotional connection. this is why a new diamond is worth significantly more than a used diamond. If diamonds were a commodity, this would not be the case. None of this is my opinion, these are just facts. 

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