(Closed) College and marriage? Is it ok to not go away?

posted 6 years ago in College
Post # 3
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You probably will regret marrying him at 17 or before graduating college. I’ll be blunt. College wasn’t the BEST time of my life, but I think it’s important to go off to college and live with roommates. Fiance and I dated throughout college. We’ll have been together 6 years at our wedding.

ETA – you have nothing to gain by getting married within the next 4 years and everything to gain by going to college and living in the dorm/having a collegiate experience.

Post # 4
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it depends on the person.

If you can be debt free and do it, then its much more feasible. I was the type who really didn’t need to “get away” from my parents or binge drink etc etc so there was no huge allure to get away.

For some people they really need to get out and socialize see what life is like without the parents etc.

Trust yourself and your desires. Just going to college whether on campus or not, is a great experience! Most people “move ” off campus anyways after a year.

Post # 5
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think that you should do what’s best for you–we all will have our opinions. I wanted to finish school before entering a relationship and getting married because I am the type of person who is very focused and would be unable to give adequate attention to either. I’m just now about to get married at 23 and I have been with my fiance for almost 4 years this year. Granted, I also didn’t get into a relationship because I am Muslim and we don’t typically “date,” my fiance’s older brother knew me from school and introduced us when I was a junior and he was a senior in college. We grown and changed both independently (long distance) but were also growing and changing together. I have friends from HS who are still with the same man that they were dating in HS. I also think you shouldn’t base where you want to go to college on the distance but rather on the academics. See what you get into, look at what is better for you financially, educationally and for your future and base it on that. Good luck dear! 

Post # 6
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I didn’t live on campus for college at all and neither did my husband but I moved to a place on my own for college.  I think you two need to wait until you can support yourselves with jobs before getting married.  My husband and I were together since junior year in high school but waited until after graduation to get married.  Going to college is stressful enough without being/getting married in my opinion.

Post # 7
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Glades Pike Winery, Somerset, PA

You’d be surprised what you can learn about yourself by living on your own and being “alone” for a little while. I dated Mr. Wizard all through college (we weren’t engaged yet though) and didn’t do the whole typical college partying-drinking-sleeping-around thing, but I lived on my own (an hour away from Mr. Wiz, so we didn’t see each other very often) and I grew leaps and bounds just from that. I can’t exactly put it into words. I didn’t “change”, per se, I just…grew up.

I would definitely recommend going to college on your own, before you get married. Leave the nest. Go out of your comfort zone. You’ll appreciate it later.

Post # 7
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My only comment is this….ask people you know…who share the same values and beliefs as you do… ask them if they “knew who they were” at 17 or 18.

I did not know who I was at 18.  I changed a LOT in college….for the better.  Heck, I changed a LOT after college too (I am 34).  So, if you were me at 18, I would say – dear god, go to college and LIVE a little before getting married.  During and after my undergrad college, I have lived on 2 different continents and traveled extensively….I would not have had any ofthe wonderful experiences I had if I had settled with the guy I dated in high school.

But you don’t know me – some random stranger on the internet.  So, ask your parents, your relatives, any older friends you may know….and see what they say.  

Post # 8
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I tell every person in high school that asks me about this… GO AWAY for college.  I had soooooooooooo much fun.  I did the random roomate (who was a total agoraphobe) and the whole 9 yards.  I wish I had appreciated those days more bc the real world is lame LOL. I think your mom is right and you should go and experience it.  I know you think you know who you are at 17 but you don’t… you really have so much time to grow and change, college introduces you to so many new experiences and ideas.  If you and your Fiance love each other than why not wait?  You can still date but make a goal for both of you to get married after you graduate college.  You have your whole life to be an adult, why do you want to skip your college days?  You can never redo them and local community college won’t give you that same experience.  Go live in a dorm, make new friends, be free from your parents.  Don’t let your chance pass you by.

Post # 9
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You say you wouldn’t “mind going away” which to me means “I will likely regret not going away and marrying him at such a young age before I really get to experience life as a young adult before entering into a grown up relationship as a wife”

 

Post # 10
Member
14443 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you have nothing to lose and a lot more to gain by getting some ‘real life’ experiences before just settling down where you are and getting married.  If you’re so dead set that he’s the one and you will never change your mind… then you will still be together later even going away and will be ever more confident in your choice.  If you discover somehow (no matter how unlikely) that theres more out there and maybe you’re not meant to settle down with him yet… you perhaps just saved your self from a marriage that may have been doomed from the begininning jsut because you two havent given yourselves enough time to discover yourselves yet.

Not to get me wrong, I won’t regret marrying him. I know that already.

You say that now, and I believe that you believe it with every fiber of your being.   Sorry, but the stats are against you for such a young marriage and only time really can tell.  I do honestly hope it works out for you no matter what you decide to do.

Post # 11
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I can only speak from my experiences:

Like PP have said, college was not the BEST time of my life, but I met my BEST friends in the dorms freshman year, and really grew up. I would say that between graduating high school and graduating college this past june, I have changed and matured SO much. I am still me, but not a me I would have thought I would ever become or foresaw 4 years ago.

I’m not meaning to tell ou things about your life – I don’t know you! But, you are VERY young, dear. You say you know yourself – and you do – your 17 year old self. You will change and grow in the next few years, a lot. The you you know now could very well be completely different from the you in 4 years. Life experiences shape us, and that’s a good thing!

I grew up with people that never moved away. They settled right down, went to a local college and got married. When I talk to these people that used to be my friends, there is a disconnect, and often I sense a longing that they wish they would have done more before settling down. You only really get one shot at this.

I say go off to college by yourself for at least a year. See your BF/FI every other weekend and during breaks. Marriage can wait, and as you’ve said, college won’t change your thoughts about marrying him,I just firmly think that you need to be on your own and grow first.

This is the last thing I wanted to hear when I was your age (I’m 23 now). Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together 8 years, just now thinking about getting engaged, so I feel you about it being a pain to wait. But please, please, trust me on this, even though you might feel indignant or think it is hard to swallow – go be 17/18/19/20 before you are a wife!

PM me if you want to talk about this in more detail 🙂

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This is really the only time in your life you can be a typical college student, living in a dorm with roommates and doing just typical teenage college student activities. You have the rest of your life to be married and living with your bf/fi/dh. I didn’t fo the typical college experience for other reasons that were basically beyond my control, and I do regret it – I say go to college. If you and your bf are meant to be, that will still be true when you are done with school.

Post # 13
Member
8331 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you shouldn’t rush things…go to college for a semester at least. Get some new experiences, see what life has to offer outside of your comfort bubble.

Post # 14
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Oh, and just to add: the idea of living in a dorm with random people was something I was absolutely DREADING. Then I met them, and I wouldn’t trade a minute of it back! We had a blast!

Boyfriend or Best Friend and I moved in together 2nd year of college. I am so glad we waited because I had had a change to make wonderful friends, have wonderful experiences, and truly enjoy myself as an adult (but a young, fun adult!)

also, question: And you don’t have to answer if you think it’s none of my business…but does the fact that you want to get married NOW have anything to do with your username (LoveChrist?) and religious beliefs (i.e., no sex before marriage?)

Post # 15
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

College is a wonderful experience where you’ll learn more about yourself than you can ever imagine. At 17-18 I thought I knew myself completely but college is a place for discovery and independece. You’ll grow as a person, regardless of how much or how little you study.

My advice is to go! Give it a try. You owe it to yourself and your future husband to allow yourself to experience that, even if it’s just for a semester, a year or even more. I think both of you should go. 

You’ve already been together for a few years, what’s a few more months? Of course you can go to college while married, but it’s just not the same thing.

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