Post # 31
I always thought going away to college was to get away from your parents, not your partner. It is a great experience though. Could you both go to school away together? Or be close enough to see each other weekends?
Post # 32
Thank you! I appreciate that.
Post # 33
Thanks 🙂 I’ll keep that in mind…I’ve been pretty aware of who I am for a couple years now. I’ve always been rather mature-much more mature than many of those around me. I’ve never really doubted myself and who I am or what I’ve wanted in life. But I really appreciate this.
Post # 34
You don’t want to regret not experiencing all you can get out of life. Why not go away to college for a semester or two? It could even strengthen your relationship because trust me, that won’t be the hardest thing you and he have to go through in the coming years. But it could help you both learn how to deal with stressful situations as a couple.
Post # 35
“I’ve been pretty aware of who I am for a couple years now. I’ve always been rather mature-much more mature than many of those around me. I’ve never really doubted myself and who I am or what I’ve wanted in life. But I really appreciate this.”
Me too. And I still changed so much…I’m not saying your core values will change, they most likely WON’T. BUT, there is a lot of growing that you do in your early twenties that you just can’t rush or get beforehand, no matter how mature you are. You will grow and change in ways that you can’t even wrap your head around right now (I know I did).
There is no substitute for experience.
Post # 36
It does, but not really. We are both Christians and both believe in abstinence. We agreed long ago, though, that if we couldn’t marry now, for whatever reason, we would wait. It’s not a rush for sex, or even for security or anything of the sort. It’s mostly just the fact that we really love each other and are fully committed to each other (which I’m aware that most people my age really don’t
know what commitment is, but I’m certain we do), and so if we have the finances and we’re emotionally ready, we want to marry. It’s mostly just because we see it as, if we will have each other forever and it’s possible to start forever, why wait for the sake of waiting?
Post # 37
@LovinChrist18: I’ve been pretty aware of who I am for a couple years now. I’ve always been rather mature-much more mature than many of those around me. I’ve never really doubted myself and who I am or what I’ve wanted in life.
I had those feelings at 18 too, and then I went away to college and learned SO much more about myself and the world. Ten years later, I am so different.
I loved college-everything about it. I loved living in the dorms, meeting new and different people, taking classes about anything and everything. It really was an amazing 4 years. But college is not for everyone, and living on campus is not for everyone. But you never know unless you try.
Give it a chance. You may decide you hate it, and thats ok. You can move home and take classes there. But if you love your fiance today, then you will still love him in 4 years. The only things that will change are that you are both more mature, you have careers, and you have a better understanding about what you want from life. There really is no need to rush into marriage.
Post # 38
@LovinChrist18: It’s mostly just because we see it as, if we will have each other forever and it’s possible to start forever, why wait for the sake of waiting?
Because no matter what you SAY you KNOW for a fact now, it could change in a few years. People are changing all the time.. sure marriages fail for people who get married at any age, but in late teen through 20’s a LOT more change happens than say in late 20s and onward. It’s not waiting for the sake of waiting, it’s waiting in order to gain more experience and do some more growing. No one is going to convince you otherwise, but there have been many in your shoes and were just certain as you are now… fast forward a few years, and things change and marriages end. It’s not a certainty for you that it will end, and I would hope it doesnt, but given the stats, its more likely to happen to you at this age, than say someone at 21 or even 25.
Post # 39
You wait because if you don’t, you’ll miss out on a necessary experience you can never have again. But waiting won’t make you miss out on marriage.
Sorry, all you bees who are tired of hearing me say it (blush). OP, I was with DH for 7 years before we married. We’re Christians too, and didn’t have sex or live together before marriage. I knew when I was 19 and we’d been together for 2 years that I wanted to marry him. I thought I wanted to do it right then, because why wait? But we did, and I’m so glad. I didn’t even really love college. It was alright, I had fun once I got to a school I liked. My freshman year, I was 600mi away from him, but we made it.
College didn’t *change* who I was, but it made me so much more solid. I feel like I’ve had enough experiences to know (through experiences, different from theory) how I would handle most things. Mostly, I know that I will never, ever look back on my late teens and wonder if I should’ve gone away. I will never have that doubt, because I’ve done it.
Post # 40
Might I add, I’m not the kind of person who needs *so many* life experiences. But I got them anyway. I went to Europe without him for a few weeks. Yes, missing him sucked. Was it still amazing? Totally. Getting married now is the easy way, but not the way that’s gonna make y’all stronger. And you will be *so* much stronger together if you have a little time in different places.
And if you don’t really want to listen to us, listen to your mom. She loves you, and if she also likes your Fiance and approves, chances are she’s telling you this to help you, and to make your marriage successful. She’s lived a life, and she knows you, and I wants what’s best for you.
Post # 41
What I really want to clear up: We’re not marrying just to rush the whole thing…I appreciate everyone’s input. I do want to make clear, though, and I knew from the beginning it might be assumed, but I’m not just a young, I-think-I-know-it-all, blissfully ignorant teenager. I’m not angry with anyone. Trust me, I understand how this might seem to many of you.
And I truly do value all of your input-I have read every single post and thought about what everyone has said. I do just want to say, though, that our decision wasn’t rash or sudden. It was talked through between us, his parents, and mine. We’re not getting married until we know for a fact we’ll be financially secure and be able to support ourselves-which we’re very close to doing. We’re also going to take pre-marital counseling.
Post # 42
I never look at age when someone is deciding to get married.
My Grandparents were married at 16 and 17 and have been married for almost 70 years. On the other side they were married at 19 and were married for 60 years before they passed. My parents were married at 21 and have been together for 22 years. It CAN work.
I did not go away to school, my sister did and I went to visit her once. I was SO happy I never went away after visiting her. LOL If you decided to stay home I recomment visiting with friends so you still get the experience even if you don’t want to live it.
Post # 43
What are your reasonings for not wanting to go away to school? Will your fiance be going to college?
Post # 44
It’s not about being a know it all or ignorant; changing, growing and educating yourself is something that happens if you’re lucky!! You should embrace the opportunity to push yourself, a lot of people don’t have that.
Post # 45
GO to college. you will see what it is like to live with people who aren’t related to you. You will learn what gets under your skin in a roomate, and what you can tolerate. That is kinda a most basic form of experience, and it will help you in your relationship i promise.
Example: Who knew leaving a half drank water bottle on the counter would cause WW3 in my dorm? I learned to pick my battles with my roomates, and with that, learned to pick my battles with my Fiance. I don’t have to be right at all times and i learned to be more considerate of other people.
EDIT: I should also mention that after 2 years, i did transfer to the same school as my Fiance, partailly because I felt i had gotten everything i could from the far away school, and partially because there was a better school closer to home.
I also learned how to manage money. Not that i was irresponcible before, but being more or less alone made me learn how to budget. Example:I can go to the bar Tonight OR i can eat something other than Mac and Cheese for the week.