(Closed) College and marriage? Is it ok to not go away?

posted 9 years ago in College
Post # 61
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve been with my Fiance since I was 15. I knew I wanted to marry him when I was 18, but I didn’t see any reason to rush. We both went to the same college and I LOVED college so much. I didn’t think that I would, but I really loved it. We’ve always known that we wanted to get married & spend our lives together, so there was no rush. We’ve both been out of school for two & a half years now, and we’re getting married in September. But some people never have the desire to go off to school. My brother lived at home and went to a local school and it was the right choice for him. You need to decide for yourself if you will regret not going later in life. You could always go for a year or even just for a semester, and if you don’t like it you can transfer to a school closer to home. Going off to college is such a unique experience.. you learn so much! My personal opinion is that if you are 100% sure you want to spend your life with him, then there is no need to rush into a marriage. You both deserve the experience of college!

Post # 63
Member
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Well to answer your more specific question.

I loved college – every minute of it and it was one of the BEST times of my life!!!!!

And some of the friends I met in college will be my friends FOREVER!

Post # 64
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

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@LovinChrist18:  We’ve already answered that question:  PICK THE STRAWBERRY CAKE.  

Post # 66
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

If your fiance wasn’t in the picture, would you want to go away to school?

 

Post # 67
Member
2413 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Okay, well, I went to college as a member of a devoted couple. To make things better (at the time) him and I ended up at the same college! It was a state college so lots of people from my high school went there.

Fast forward 6 months or so, and I was enjoying the freedom of living alone, amongst my friends so much! It also opened up another entire supply of totally gorgeous, fun guys that I had never been exposed to in my sheltered hometown. I broke up with him because I really wanted to explore. I was only 17-18.

My point is this, I’m not saying you guys will break up, I’m  not saying you won’t. What I AM saying is that whether you realize it or not, you are still very young. The years between 18-24 will change your life completely, whether you are in college or not. I would really take your mothers advice and go away for a semester. At the very least, it will help you have some time to yourself and gain some independence before getting married, and at the best, you will gain a better sense of what the right path for you to take is.

Lots of people think they are going to marry the person they are with when they are 17/18 years old. You may, but you also may not, Your mother really knows whats best (I didn’t realize that until I was 25 or so….) but it’s true…she’s lived and loved so take her advice!

Post # 68
Member
2413 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes, to add to my post…college was THE MOST FUN EVER. It was so great. And yes, for full disclosure, I did the whole party-drinking-sleeping around thing and I don’t regret it for a millisecond! I am not saying you need to do that to have a great time, but college is fun and I would definitely try it out!

Post # 69
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am older than many of the bees responding to you (in my mid-30s). I actually don’t think I necessarily changed that much between when I was 17 and now—and I not only went away to college (on the other side of the country), I also lived abroad by myself for two years in two different countries. I was married in my early 30s. So I guess I don’t necessarily think that college or sheer act of aging particuarly changes people.

But, I would say that there’s no real benefit to getting married and staying in your hometown compared to going away to college. You’ll have a chance to see the “what if” option if you go away, but you will never know what your life might have been like if you get married right away.

I would also say that from a career/economic standpoint, you will probably be better off getting a degree from a college that you live at, then an online degree. By getting married so young and not going away to college, you’ve effectively closed off the chance to see what life might be like in a different way—where else your life might have taken you.

Finally, I would say, college tends to be fun. I love my husband and I like my job, but being a wife has lots of responsibilities that are not there when you’re in college. Namely, ALONE TIME. I don’t even mean partying—I would spend an entire weekend reading murder mysteries in bed, which is difficult to do when you have other responsibilities. Whatever I wanted to do, I could do. As a wife, you have to work as a team, which is generally great, but it’s good to experience life as a single person, before transitioning from being a daughter to a wife.

 

Post # 70
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@pharmy:  Exactly. No substitute at all. IMO, a self-aware teenager can very possibly know who they are…but NO ONE knows who they’re going to be. And I just think so much happen in your 20s…you can’t & shouldn’t avoid change. I knew who I was at 17. And of course I’m still me. But I’m me + 7 years of experience. And that experience really defined what I could bring to a marriage and what I need in order to be fulfilled.

Post # 71
Member
4822 posts
Honey bee

Just something to consider

I have never heard anyone truly regret and think “If only I got married younger”

but I have heard many people say “I wish I waited longer to get married”

That doesnt mean your relationship has to end, but waiting will only affirm that you wont have regrets later.

Post # 72
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

so since I don’t think anyone that didn’t go away and have the college experience responded I will.

Really really long story short: I graduated high school a year early (because I was so mature and put together and intelligent..lol) and I went to go to study in Germany for a year. I kept hearing people tell me “live your life!”, “have the experiences!” so this was the best thing I could come up with. Well…I HATED it. I came home totally depressed and having an identity crisis after 3 months. 

I was 17 at the time and my mom told me I wasn’t allowed to go to four year school because I was still a minor so I went to community college and lived at home for a bit and then I moved out with some roommates. I had my own experiences without going to school and I grew up a whole lot too but just from different experiences. I ended up living in a house with many roommates who were all in school at the time, got my partying on, got my career job on then met my current Fiance and left all of it to move with him for a job offer. Now I’m back in school again and I see every single day what all these girls are telling you that you want, but I can say that I didn’t want it then and I don’t want it now and I don’t regret not having it either.

I don’t think you NEED to go to college to get this growing experience, but as someone that can now reflect back 7 years to when I was 17 I know without a doubt that the confidence that you have in exactly who you are is going to be shattered. 

You need to make sure that you and Fiance realistically know this and make sure that you two are excellent communicators, comprimisers, are totally trusting and not impulsive people- if any of those things aren’t you guys it seems like all the growing you will need to do together will be quite difficult if not impossible. 

Post # 73
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

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@LovinChrist18:  ‘I just personally feel I would be much happier spending that time in his arms than in a dorm with strangers.’

That makes perfect sense to me, I can understand your viewpoint on how life is too short to not spend it with the people you love.

However, from my point of view, this isn’t about your age or maturity (you do seem to be quite mature) or having a blast at college. I believe that everyone should live on their own for a bit. I think you should go to school, not because I think you will necessarily change in some dramatic way and not be able to be with him anymore, but because living away from home strengthens you. I was very independent before I went to university and I found the experience made me even stronger. My first year was tough (I had to move to a different country) but even though it was hard I appreciate it since I know I can survive without a safety net and rely on myself.

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